Category: Comedy

Let me guess, you’re a housewife.

Deana3 Comments

tumblr_m71urbHAfe1qbhkvgo1_1280I do not take vacations without my family and grown men do not ask me for my phone number.

Well, except for that one time and that was a fluke. I swear.

The airport staff at DFW forgot about me and left me sitting at the terminal in a wheelchair with a broken ankle. Not that I knew yet that it was broken, but still.  I am certain that if a stranger had not taken pity on me, I’d still be waiting at gate 32 C.

All I want at this point is to find my seat, order an adult beverage and pretend I am still on my cruise with my girlfriends.

 The window seat is open, I take it and the cabin steward takes my crutches.

So what if I’m supposed to be in the middle, I want the window. Surely whomever has the window seat will see my plight, take pity on me and not make me move.

Turns out he too is tired, wants to find his seat, and order his own adult beverage and we recognize each other immediately.

I, the stubborn redhead sitting in his seat and he, the tall stranger standing in the aisle announcing confidently, “I know you are going to move over, right?”

He is right. I move. Broken ankle and all.  Granted not without a sassy “Oh sure, make the cripple move.” We like each other instantly right up until 22C arrives.

He spends most of the flight talking to her. Over me I might add leaving me to feel like odd woman out. Yes that bugged me. Don’t judge. I was tired, and feeling well… middle aged.

I don’t blame him. She is young, cute, probably single and in town for a short business trip. Watching him work is very entertaining to say the least.

I’ll be honest, it takes everything I have not to pop off with a “Shoulda let me keep the window seat.” but my drink arrives and I have bigger things to figure out like explaining my broken ankle to my husband.

As we get ready to make our descent to Tulsa, Mr. window-seat remembers that I am in the row and says to me, “So let me guess, you’re a housewife.”

OUCH!

He strikes out with 22C and that’s the best he’s got for me?

I know, I know. I’m married. I shouldn’t care but crimony the dude could at least TRY!

Housewife.

pffffft.

I already know – because it’s hard not to eaves drop when you are stuck in the middle – that Mr. window-seat’s name is Tim*, he is a physician’s assistant / surgeon who is just returning from taking care of his old sick mother in Atlanta and he had two brother’s who have died leaving her alone with just him to care for her…

blah blah blah gag me.

I mean she got the “I’m a rich doctor who loves his mother.” pickup, and I get “housewife.” like I’m some kind of consolation prize or something.

At 40 something years old, this cuts me to the quick. He’s not exactly a Spring chicken himself mind you. I have zero interest in this man and yet there is no way I’m letting housewife go unchallenged. Even if it is true.

“As a matter of fact, I’m a stand up comic.”

So there Mr Bigshot!

What happens next is a blur.

Within three minutes okay maybe 60 seconds, he is wanting to know where I do comedy in Tulsa and asks for my phone number so that I can let him know when my next gig is.

and…

I give him my number.

He even sends me a text when we land so that he doesn’t lose it. Oh boy. I am so in trouble.

It has been at least 20 years since a man has asked for my phone number. I can’t remember how to make one up. This is going to take some serious “splaining” as Ricky Ricardo would say.

I’ve taken two vacations ever in my entire life with my girlfriends and I come home from the second one with a broken ankle and now some guy I just met on the plane has my phone number.

This should be interesting.

I do quick introductions in luggage. Mr window-seat waits with my wheelchair while my husband gets the car and we never see each other again.

Who says life after kids is boring?

*Name changed to protect his identity, not that I believe he gave me his real name in the first place. I’m not even sure that he’s a surgeon.  I did get the text he sent me on the plane asking for my next gig and I sent him the link to the Comedy Parlor where I hope to be performing soon and left it at that. I had surgery shortly after my trip and I’m still in a boot. It’s going to be a long time before I get to do comedy again.

I am also fairly certain that it is going to be a LOOONG time before I get a weekend pass to go on a vacay with my girlfriends again as well.

Deana Louise Got a Facelife

DeanaLeave a comment

Keep calmHappy Tuesday you guys! I cannot believe how many new followers I have already this year. I know how noisy the net can be, so thank you for choosing to read my blog. You guys are the best.

Every year, I learn a little more about blog management and SEO and all that fun internet Jazz. WordPress makes blog management easy. Usually anyway. Smile.

They’ve come up with a new page format called Twentyfourteen and so far I like it. If you will notice up top, there are six of my most frequently read stories. I will be sure to let those rotate on occasion. To the left you will find the basic blogroll, archives and stats and COMING SOON my own video clips will be available on the right. I’m still trying to figure that one out.

I did change the name from Deana Louise back to Deana O’Hara because that is my full name and it matches my domain. Deana Louise was confusing people.

So, it’s still me. The face of my web page may have changed, but my quirky, neurotic enough to make Ally McBeal look sane, lovable self is still here. Thank you for being here too.

Have a great Tuesday Peeps!

A Subversive Revolution

DeanaLeave a comment

Image

This is my last resolve quote. I’ve sat on it for quite a long time. I looked up subversive and it doesn’t sound like a nice person at all. It sound’s rebellious. I’m not rebellious. (okay so that’s a total lie.) And then I remembered, I said “tits” on a Facebook Post and I’m a Christian. That’s pretty subversive if you ask me. Granted it was totally in context of the point I was trying to make even if it is shocking.

I’ve sat here at my desk for well over a week trying to come up with my end of year blog. Every year I take inventory of my life. I write what went well, what didn’t and ponder where I want to go next year. Something ate at me though.

All I saw for days was what I didn’t do in 2013. 

I didn’t ride with the Tulsa Diva’s like I said I would.

I didn’t walk the Rt 66 Marathon or run in a 5K

and I still stink at banjo. I didn’t practice enough so I have no one to blame but myself.

Now the fact that I had a physical limitation that took most of that off the table did not matter to me, all I could see was I failed my physical goals for the year. I couldn’t see my successes at all.

You know what?

As I wrap up 2013, I’ve decided that the most subversive thing I can do, for today, is to tell my broken brain to shut the heck up and start agreeing with God that I am who He says I am. I’ll admit that I do sometimes struggle with that.

2013 rocked!

I began 2013 with one word on my mind, Resolve. Every week I’d look up quotes that spoke to me and focus on them. It’s interesting to me to see the theme now.

  • Dare to be powerful.
  • Be my own best friend.
  • Get outdoors.
  • Free myself from criticism, fear, negative self-talk, and discouragement.
  • Push myself to my limits
  • challenge myself
  • be fabulous
  • don’t give up
  • trust my courage.
  • Remember who you are.

Wow, what a list. I did all that. While it’s true I didn’t do it all perfectly every day, I did do it to the best of my abilities. That’s an accomplishment. I also allowed myself to go on a four day vacation with some friends – only the second time I’ve ever done that in my life. That’s pretty cool.

  1. I gave up my IPhone in order to reconnect with real people face to face instead of online.
  2. I got a ton of stage time performing locally. While it was exhausting, it was fun.
  3. I met some personal heroes like Anne Lammot, Mark Lowry and Jennifer Rothschild (we sat next to each other on a plane. It was awesome)
  4. My humor piece about never having met Mark before is the most shared story of the year. He’s read it, I’m embarrassed, but I am allowing myself to admit it is funny and besides now that I’ve met him I’m a little less embarrassed that he read it. oh and thank you thank you thank you for that! You guys are awesome.
  5. I drove 15 hours by myself to podunk Indiana to compete in a clean comedy challenge next to comics who’ve been doing this for years and in front of national celebrities — AND I allowed myself to be critiqued by them. HOLY CANOLLIES — that woman – the one brave enough to do that did not exist five years ago — I’m just saying – we’re talking full on miracle here.
  6. I graduated from Thelma Well’s Daughters of Zion mentoring program and was awarded 30 college credit hours from the seminary she teaches at in Indiana. How cool is that?

Why do I get the feeling that I’ve spent 2013 being subversive and revolutionary and I didn’t even realize it?

I’m presently in a boot, recovering from surgery on my tibia. One of my goals for 2014 will involve physical therapy and learning how to walk again. Beyond that though, I’m still stuck. I don’t have my word or a scripture verse. Somehow, I’m okay with that.

Maybe all I need to do in 2014 is show up and leave the rest up to God.

What do you think?

This Black Woman’s SNL Experience

Deana2 Comments

Beautiful.

sylviatmorrison's avatarSaturdays with Sylvia

My name is Sylvia Traymore Morrison.  I wanted to share my personal Saturday Night Live experience, considering there is so much controversy and conversation taking place regarding the Black Women issue.

I am America’s first renowned Black Female Impressionist.  I did my first professional show in 1969 at Constitution Hall in Washington, DC.  At that time I was singing and doing impressions.  Shortly after that, in the early 70s, I entered the Miss Black America pageant (Black women at that time had no chance whatsoever of even thinking of becoming Miss America so a Black pageant was created by J. Morris Anderson.  I missed Oprah Winfrey by one year, who was Miss Black Tennessee the year before).  I ended up placing as 2nd Runner-up and going to Europe to entertain the American troops.  The reception was magnificent.  Apparently, they had never seen a Black Woman who did impressions.  The day I returned to the…

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Family Comedy Night Agora Event Center, October 18, 2013

DeanaLeave a comment

1391582_10151919479211352_959707994_nThe flier say’s 7, but the show actually starts at 8:00 pm. Hope to see you guys there!

 

Easy? No. Worth it? Yes!

DeanaLeave a comment

580247_584414024963641_254854110_nSane women do not cut 14 inches off their hair, purchase $600 worth of MAC makeup, pack a car and drive 15 hours in one day for a three-day comedy contest. Especially if they’ve got less than 50 hours of stage time as a stand up comic and one book of jokes under their belt. Fortunately for me, I’ve never been accused of being sane. Something tells me, I’d make Sally Field proud. (Think Punchline)

Upside: I’m so new to the comic stage that I didn’t know enough to be afraid of the headliners from Letterman or the Tonight Show (among other notable comics) who were judging this competition.

Downside: I’m so new to the stage that I freaked out when I saw the wall of light instead of an audience and totally crashed and burned the first night. I did so poorly in fact that one of the judges said “I see you more as an actress than a comic, maybe you should do that instead.” Thank you Simon Cowell. That would have crushed me three years ago. Not today.

The great thing about being a 47-year-old menopausal red-head — tell me I can’t do something and I hunker down, dig my heels deep into the soil and prove you wrong. It’s how I roll. Said judge also sat down with me at lunch after my second set and offered very productive feedback. I made a new friend and I’m thankful.

I also did better the second night and nailed it the third.

Courage gave me a gift I can never repay.

I received lessons and insights into who I am,

opportunities to grow and let go of the past,

and a chance to lay down lies and false perceptions and find truth.

Four other things I learned about myself last week:

1. I’m funny
2. I’m courageous
3. I can learn how to trust again.
4. I’m stinkin’ adorable in short hair.