When the mask of self-righteousness is torn from us, and we stand stripped of all our accustomed defenses, we are candidates for God’s generous Grace. — Erwi W. Lutzer.
I can remember when my husband bought me a diamond tennis bracelet for Christmas 15 years ago. I’ve never owned anything so pretty in my entire life. It’s not like we had a lot of money either. He just wanted to surprise me, and surprise me he did. I love that bracelet.
We were at a New Year’s Eve party at a friend’s house and I showed it to someone. I wasn’t bragging about the bracelet I just wanted to brag on my husband for being so romantic.
Besides, she asked.
“I guess that’s why (her now husband) likes me. I’m not high maintenance. ”
I said, “You’re right. You aren’t high maintenance, but you sure have one hell of a manicure.”
That would be when the men separated us. Good thing too.
I do not for the life of me, understand cat fights.
And if you are going to ask a woman where she got something, don’t get all catty when you don’t like the answer.
We aren’t the competition y’all.
My thoughts are not always my friends.
I’m on day 224 with this broken leg. I can normally stop my rambling brain by weeding my garden, going for a bike ride, or taking a walk. I don’t have that luxury right now. I’m really having to work on being more compassionate towards myself and my thinking.
My first perceptions and thoughts about a situation are usually incomplete. I need to remember take time to step back, listen, process, and find clarity. Otherwise, it’s just all noise.
You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. Edwin Louis Cole
This is my last resolve quote. I’ve sat on it for quite a long time. I looked up subversive and it doesn’t sound like a nice person at all. It sound’s rebellious. I’m not rebellious. (okay so that’s a total lie.) And then I remembered, I said “tits” on a Facebook Post and I’m a Christian. That’s pretty subversive if you ask me. Granted it was totally in context of the point I was trying to make even if it is shocking.
I’ve sat here at my desk for well over a week trying to come up with my end of year blog. Every year I take inventory of my life. I write what went well, what didn’t and ponder where I want to go next year. Something ate at me though.
All I saw for days was what I didn’t do in 2013.
I didn’t ride with the Tulsa Diva’s like I said I would.
I didn’t walk the Rt 66 Marathon or run in a 5K
and I still stink at banjo. I didn’t practice enough so I have no one to blame but myself.
Now the fact that I had a physical limitation that took most of that off the table did not matter to me, all I could see was I failed my physical goals for the year. I couldn’t see my successes at all.
You know what?
As I wrap up 2013, I’ve decided that the most subversive thing I can do, for today, is to tell my broken brain to shut the heck up and start agreeing with God that I am who He says I am. I’ll admit that I do sometimes struggle with that.
I began 2013 with one word on my mind, Resolve. Every week I’d look up quotes that spoke to me and focus on them. It’s interesting to me to see the theme now.
- Dare to be powerful.
- Be my own best friend.
- Get outdoors.
- Free myself from criticism, fear, negative self-talk, and discouragement.
- Push myself to my limits
- challenge myself
- be fabulous
- don’t give up
- trust my courage.
- Remember who you are.
Wow, what a list. I did all that. While it’s true I didn’t do it all perfectly every day, I did do it to the best of my abilities. That’s an accomplishment. I also allowed myself to go on a four day vacation with some friends – only the second time I’ve ever done that in my life. That’s pretty cool.
- I gave up my IPhone in order to reconnect with real people face to face instead of online.
- I got a ton of stage time performing locally. While it was exhausting, it was fun.
- I met some personal heroes like Anne Lammot, Mark Lowry and Jennifer Rothschild (we sat next to each other on a plane. It was awesome)
- My humor piece about never having met Mark before is the most shared story of the year. He’s read it, I’m embarrassed, but I am allowing myself to admit it is funny and besides now that I’ve met him I’m a little less embarrassed that he read it. oh and thank you thank you thank you for that! You guys are awesome.
- I drove 15 hours by myself to podunk Indiana to compete in a clean comedy challenge next to comics who’ve been doing this for years and in front of national celebrities — AND I allowed myself to be critiqued by them. HOLY CANOLLIES — that woman – the one brave enough to do that did not exist five years ago — I’m just saying – we’re talking full on miracle here.
- I graduated from Thelma Well’s Daughters of Zion mentoring program and was awarded 30 college credit hours from the seminary she teaches at in Indiana. How cool is that?
Why do I get the feeling that I’ve spent 2013 being subversive and revolutionary and I didn’t even realize it?
I’m presently in a boot, recovering from surgery on my tibia. One of my goals for 2014 will involve physical therapy and learning how to walk again. Beyond that though, I’m still stuck. I don’t have my word or a scripture verse. Somehow, I’m okay with that.
Maybe all I need to do in 2014 is show up and leave the rest up to God.
What do you think?