Why is my road bike in my living room?

Because I can only watch so many episodes of Ally McBeal on Netflix before wondering if the writers had access to my psych files. Granted, I feel saner after watching that show.

Because my fingers can only practice banjo and guitar so many times before freezing up.

Because no amount of internal body heat caused by menopause or kitschy cycling gear can combat the polar vortex when it arrives.

Because my attitude over the things I still cannot do has gotten so bad, my family is thinking of putting me out of their misery.

AND

Because I deserve to do the best I can to take care of me.

I have choices. I can either lament the fact that I’m not allowed to ride in the street yet, or I can set up my trainer (with permission) and get moving.

My leg is still broken (or is sticky as doc calls it) and even though I’m now allowed to walk if I use my boot and walker, I still cannot go outside or drive or do a whole lot really and when I’m being honest, I get frustrated.

It’s really starting to feel like every time I turn around I bump into something else I still can’t do yet.

This might not seem like a lot to other folks, but it’s making the world of difference to me.

I haven’t been able to walk for three months. My legs are toast. Group rides are presently out of the question as is riding on the street or trails for now. Most of my riding friends set up trainers only as a last resort. Tulsa winters are usually mild enough to ride. I’d ride too but, I’m not allowed to join them until my leg is 100% healed. That is going to take a few more months.

The issue for me isn’t so much physical as it is mental. I knew going in this road of recovery would be a while. I knew there would be physical demands and I was fully prepared to face them. What I didn’t expect to face is the mental aspect of it all. This recovery has been a huge challenge for me emotionally. I’m not used to having to rely on other people to do things for me, I’m used to doing them myself.

I needed to find something I CAN do.

Setting up my trainer is the perfect way for me to get over feeling a bit defeated and frustrated by how long it’s taking my leg to heal. It keeps my mind busy and it will strengthen my legs at the same time.

Not a bad deal if you ask me.

A Subversive Revolution

December 31, 2013March 3, 2014 DeanaLeave a comment

This is my last resolve quote. I’ve sat on it for quite a long time. I looked up subversive and it doesn’t sound like a nice person at all. It sound’s rebellious. I’m not rebellious. (okay so that’s a total lie.) And then I remembered, I said “tits” on a Facebook Post and I’m a Christian. That’s pretty subversive if you ask me. Granted it was totally in context of the point I was trying to make even if it is shocking.

I’ve sat here at my desk for well over a week trying to come up with my end of year blog. Every year I take inventory of my life. I write what went well, what didn’t and ponder where I want to go next year. Something ate at me though.

All I saw for days was what I didn’t do in 2013.

I didn’t ride with the Tulsa Diva’s like I said I would.

I didn’t walk the Rt 66 Marathon or run in a 5K

and I still stink at banjo. I didn’t practice enough so I have no one to blame but myself.

Now the fact that I had a physical limitation that took most of that off the table did not matter to me, all I could see was I failed my physical goals for the year. I couldn’t see my successes at all.

You know what?

As I wrap up 2013, I’ve decided that the most subversive thing I can do, for today, is to tell my broken brain to shut the heck up and start agreeing with God that I am who He says I am. I’ll admit that I do sometimes struggle with that.

2013 rocked!

I began 2013 with one word on my mind, Resolve. Every week I’d look up quotes that spoke to me and focus on them. It’s interesting to me to see the theme now.

Dare to be powerful.
Be my own best friend.
Get outdoors.
Free myself from criticism, fear, negative self-talk, and discouragement.
Push myself to my limits
challenge myself
be fabulous
don’t give up
trust my courage.
Remember who you are.

Wow, what a list. I did all that. While it’s true I didn’t do it all perfectly every day, I did do it to the best of my abilities. That’s an accomplishment. I also allowed myself to go on a four day vacation with some friends – only the second time I’ve ever done that in my life. That’s pretty cool.

I gave up my IPhone in order to reconnect with real people face to face instead of online.
I got a ton of stage time performing locally. While it was exhausting, it was fun.
I met some personal heroes like Anne Lammot, Mark Lowry and Jennifer Rothschild (we sat next to each other on a plane. It was awesome)
My humor piece about never having met Mark before is the most shared story of the year. He’s read it, I’m embarrassed, but I am allowing myself to admit it is funny and besides now that I’ve met him I’m a little less embarrassed that he read it. oh and thank you thank you thank you for that! You guys are awesome.
I drove 15 hours by myself to podunk Indiana to compete in a clean comedy challenge next to comics who’ve been doing this for years and in front of national celebrities — AND I allowed myself to be critiqued by them. HOLY CANOLLIES — that woman – the one brave enough to do that did not exist five years ago — I’m just saying – we’re talking full on miracle here.
I graduated from Thelma Well’s Daughters of Zion mentoring program and was awarded 30 college credit hours from the seminary she teaches at in Indiana. How cool is that?

Why do I get the feeling that I’ve spent 2013 being subversive and revolutionary and I didn’t even realize it?

I’m presently in a boot, recovering from surgery on my tibia. One of my goals for 2014 will involve physical therapy and learning how to walk again. Beyond that though, I’m still stuck. I don’t have my word or a scripture verse. Somehow, I’m okay with that.

Maybe all I need to do in 2014 is show up and leave the rest up to God.

What do you think?

So, you survived Christmas, let’s celebrate!

December 26, 2013 Deana3 Comments

It is the day after Christmas. It’s 12:30 and I am still in my PJs. Why? I survived Christmas and I’m celebrating. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great Christmas. Both of my boys are home and even my Dad spent the night. While we didn’t do a lot of the things we normally do because of my broken leg, we still enjoyed the day. I even survived listening to how great Fox news is, the war on Christmas (that doesn’t really exist), and sentences that started with “not that I’m racists but…” and get this..

ONE

DIED!

My youngest son did interject a random, “How about them Jets?” at one point which of course made everyone laugh.

Let’s face it, Christmas is not always the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. Alcoholism, divorce, death, illness, singleness, and a myriad of familial dysfunction can make the day beyond stressful for many people.

My parents got divorced when I was four. Between the ages of nine and twelve, the day after Christmas was spent on an airplane on my way to visit my father and his new family in New York. My mother hated the fact that she had to share me with him and we would invariably argue the week leading up to these visits. Honestly, I was really too young to understand what was going on, I just wanted to see my Dad. She didn’t think he deserved it. I only saw my father three times between the ages of four and nine for various reasons.

He made lots of plans to see me after the divorce, but 90% of them fell through and she was the one left to pick up the pieces of a broken-hearted kid. I would stress so badly over the tension that by the time the trip arrived, I’d be sick and still insist on going anyway. It would be at that point that she would threaten to pack my bags and send me off to live with him for good if I was so insistent on seeing him.

Instead of anticipation, family and joy, Christmas for me, came with fear and trepidation as a kid. Forget Santa. All I wanted for Christmas was parents who knew how to behave.

Would he cancel the visit last-minute? Again.

Would she really send me away for good? (She never did)

It’s not like the trips were all that great anyway – I left one drunk household for another. One set of problems for another.

Neither of them were sober back then, I had learned how to be the adult for all of us and I was really bad at it. But that didn’t keep me from trying. There are some things kids just aren’t supposed to be able to fix.

Then Mom got sober and the trips back and forth stopped. Instead of NY, Dad now lived in Chicago and even though it was only four hours away, he was too busy to see me. While I was hurt by that, I was also relieved by no longer being stuck in the middle.

Flash forward ten years or so, now married with my own children and fueled by my own painful memories of Christmas past, this broken child turned into the Queen of Christmas. We were going to have the PERFECT Christmas come hell or high water even if it killed me and everyone around me.

We did Christmas on our own in Oklahoma. We did it all, lights, Church pageants, decorations, presents and food galore. There was no Christmas at Grandma’s house because both sets of parents had downsized and there wasn’t room for us and neither set wanted to travel. Only my Dad came. He was harmless enough, drinking himself into a quiet stupor in the recliner. Besides he had nowhere else to go and I picked up my old hat of saving the world.

Did everyone have a perfect Christmas? I don’t know. By the time the holiday actually arrived my martyr hat was glued on so tightly that I’m pretty sure it impacted the blood flow to my brain and affected my judgement. Fortunately for me, (and thankful for my own 12 step program) I did eventually learn how to give up the ghost and stop trying so hard and believe it or not, my boys (now grown) actually have good memories about Christmas.

I have a broken leg this year – I could not have been the queen of Christmas even if I wanted. My husband had to take over the decorating, shopping, cleaning and a good part of the cooking and you know what? It was great! He did a wonderful job and I learned Christmas doesn’t have to rest completely on my shoulders.

I don’t know what your Christmas was like. Maybe it was spectacular. Maybe you had to sit through dinner with a Republican. Or a Democrat. Maybe you lost a parent or loved one. Maybe it was your spouse’s turn to have the kids and you were alone. The bottom line is, not matter how Christmas went, today is a new day.

You got through it, no matter what it was, therefore I suggest we celebrate. Stay in your jammies if you want. Call a friend and tell them “I did it!” I did this hard thing – let the kids see their dad, missed my Mom, survived the family dinner, stayed sober — what ever it is you did. Celebrate it. Take a bubble bath – go for a run, ride a bike. Do what ever it is you do when you celebrate. Give yourself a pat on the back. It’s okay — I give you permission.

Tulsa All Lutheran Messiah is still on tonight.

ImageDecember 8, 2013September 24, 2014 DeanaLeave a comment

Family Comedy Night Agora Event Center, October 18, 2013

October 17, 2013October 16, 2013 DeanaLeave a comment

The flier say’s 7, but the show actually starts at 8:00 pm. Hope to see you guys there!

Resolve: Don’t Hide the Madness

ImageAugust 7, 2013July 29, 2013 DeanaLeave a comment

And I still haven’t met Mark Lowry

July 30, 2013March 23, 2016 DeanaLeave a comment

Mark's newest CD, Unforgettable Classics is amazingly wonderful. — Mark’s newest CD, Unforgettable Classics is amazingly wonderful. I picked up my copy at the Gaither Homecoming concert in Tulsa on Saturday. I think it’s fantastic. **Click on the photo if you want more information.**

Whelp, I’m three for three you guys.

I have had three chances to meet Mr. Lowry in the past five years and I struck out every time. — I don’t mean that nearly as stalkerish as that sounds, I promise. I’m just a fan and would simply like to meet him and thank him for his music and comedy.

My first chance to meet him was about five years ago when he came to Tulsa and I was so busy “evangelizing” one of the volunteers that I missed the meet and greet.

Okay, maybe evangelizing is the wrong word choice. How can I put this? One of the ushers gave me a flier for a senior citizen trip to Branson with Mark and refused to give the same flier to my husband because and I quote “This trip is for senior citizens only and you don’t look like one.”

Bless his heart. That man (the usher) must have been born stupid, is all I can think.

I WAS 43 YEARS OLD!

Strike one.

Mark scheduled another concert in Tulsa for January of this year (first time he’s been back without the Gaithers I believe) and I purchased tickets for all of my friends and various church staff as Christmas gifts. Well, Mark fell and broke his leg and the concert was rescheduled for May. That would have been fine except that by May, I forgot about the concert and went to the lake to work on my homework and music instead. My friends, however all had a wonderful time. Some of them even got to meet him. Figures.

Strike two.

I made a last minute decision to go the The Gaither Homecoming this year and found a seat on the floor, 8th row, stage left, aisle. I was THIS close to the stage. I could see everything and it was wonderful.

I absolutely love the Gaithers. Their music plays a huge role in my spiritual walk. Every song they’ve written has taught me something new about God. I love that. This year, I heard The Martins for the first time — SNAP they are amazing. The Hoppers were great as always and GVB? Oh my word — well, words fail me. I love the Gaither Vocal Band, have for years. Angela Primm had me on me feet — Mercy that woman has energy and what a voice! Michael English made me cry, so there is that. I forgot the rule, don’t bother wearing mascara to a Gaither concert because sooner or later, you’re going to cry.

All in all it was a wonderful night. And I still didn’t get to meet Mark. Oh well. One of these days perhaps.

And that would be strike three.

I couldn’t get passed the seniors. I’m not kidding. Even though I sat in the 8th row, I’m fairly certain if I tried to meet anyone, those ladies would have been willing to throw down. I still can’t wrap my brain around watching senior citizens crowd the gate by the stage after the show just to touch or meet Mr Gaither.

Even funnier, when I got outside there was a crowd of SENIORS around the tour busses. Now they are either the oldest groupies I’ve ever seen or they forgot what bus they arrived in.

I did at least purchase Mr. Lowry’s new CD, Unforgettable Classics and listened to it on the drive home. It’s a wonderful CD. He has the perfect voice for some of my favorite classic songs. Songs like Smile, It had to be you, and The very thought of you just to name a few. I’m a hopeless romantic. I love the old classics. Click on the photo see his web page and take a listen. You will not be disappointed.

Edited to add: I did finally meet Mr. Lowry. This story went viral and a theater in Ada invited me to a show in order to meet him. I was a tad embarrassed by the circumstance and afraid that after reading this story, he’d think I was a stalker which I’m not. I was rendered speechless (bug eyed and blushing) Somehow trying to explain “It’s okay, I’m not a stalker, I’m a comic too.” did not sound sane to me.

FCC Disclaimer: As always no goods or services have been received in exchange for this endorsement. I’m only passing on a resource I believe my readers will enjoy. I am not associated with Mark Lowry, or his subsidiaries in any way shape or form.

like-and-share-scam — Thank you for making this the most shared and most read story of 2013. You guys are too sweet.

Mayfest 2013 is a hit.

May 17, 2013May 17, 2013 Deana1 Comment

I went to Mayfest last night with my husband and son. What a blast. We got to listen to the Red Dirt Rangers, eat strange food, check out art booths and just basically have a great time.

MayFest really seems to have grown this year. There were more vendors, more entertainers and more people than I remember in years passed. The planners did a great job.

My favorite finds this year include: