Somebody stop me, I’m being a perfectionist again.

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THIS is why I never get anywhere. I find pictures like this in magazines I should not be reading, and I give up hope. I found this photograph from Better Homes and Gardens that has given me, at the very least, inspiration and major doses of fear. I love beauty, and I kill things – bad combination if you ask me.

Looking at my yard today, it’s hard for me to believe that it used to have trees and was actually very pretty when we bought this house eight years ago. The previous owners had lilacs, azealas, redbuds and rose of sharon – all I which died when I moved in.

Before any of you think I really do stink at this, let me add there was new construction in the church next door. They built up their sidewalks along the fenceline, making our strip of homes the new “low zone” sending water to our yards and saturating our lawns. My shrubs all died from root rot or so I’m told.

I need french drains, but can’t afford them. I have right of way “issues” along the line and cannot dig to replace what died – and so, I’m being creative and building up in those places. – which will probably force water into my house, now that I think of it. I need french drains.

My front yard is almost completely planned, and planted. My side yard will be next. I’m looking through my garden scrapbook of hopes and ideas that I created last year,(consisting of photographs cut out from catalogus and magazines) and discovered that I own nothing yellow. Nor do I own trees anymore expect one. (The ice storm took care of those puppies) so, in a moment of spontaneous creativity I bought this:

The Spring Hill Catalog calls it a Golden Chain Tree. I have the spot picked, and the bed ready. I know once my husband sees it, he’ll think I’ve lost my mind and maybe I have.

I’m learning to keep a file of all plants and their facts for easier reference later on. These are the basic facts according to my catalog.

Botanical Name: Laburnum alpinum
Form: Deciduous tree
Sun Exposure: Partial Shade/Full Sun
Height/Habit: 20 – 30′
Spread: 18 – 25′
Spacing: 20 – 25′
Hardiness Zone: 4 – 8 (-20 degrees F) I live in zone 7
Foliage Type: 3-leaflet compound obovate leaves to 3″ long.
Flower Form: Pea-like, in pendant clusters, resembling wisteria blooms.
Flower Color: Yellow
Flowering Date: Late spring
Planting Requirements: Nothing special in maritime regions; inland, plant in a sheltered site, north or east slope, in sun but with protection from the wind.
Soil Requirements: Well drained but moisture retentive garden soils.
Growth Rate: Moderate
Unique Characteristics: One of the very few yellow-flowering trees for the spring garden, in blossom, small tree is completely covered with flowers.
Pruning: As little as possible, only to repair damage or provide head clearance – heals poorly.
Time of Pruning: Late summer.
Additional Information: All parts of plant poisonous. Very important note – must keep this away from the animals.

I only paid $19.00 for it, which I know sounds like a waste of money considering the fact that I don’t know if it will live or die. But then all my plant purchases are like that. With my skills? There is no telling.

Afterall – my houseplants are silk – if that tells you anything.

Sharing the Gospel with Compassion!

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The writing is on the wall and unlike what happened in the book of Daniel chapter 5, this writing is good news indeed.

The Lutheran Church of Our Savior, Tulsa, has a new mission statement. Sharing the Gospel with Compassion! I know that can sound vague at first – it does goes deeper than that. Once we find our mission statement and know our focus there is a process involved that puts a firm foundation underneath that and a place to give it wings. A process that involves knowing and following the Word of God, humility, and a lot of seeking the Holy Spirit in prayer. It took following this process to find our new mission statement.

This process also gave us new vision, new value statements, and new goals. This process helped us find one Big Hairy Audacious Goal or BHAG,as Carol,our facilitator, called it: to build a community center that reaches out to youth (ages 2-18) and young adults. That’s our three year goal. When the three years is over – or our goal is complete, we set a new one.

Getting there was hard work. Fear kicked in. Agendas began to surface. We almost slid into – what is normal but counterproductive – the desire to create a goal so big, so hairy, so all inclusive, that it fails. Carol wouldn’t let us do that and kept us focused.

Who is Carol you ask? The woman for LCEF who facilitated our congregation while we walked/worked through the Strategic Ministry Plan, a program sponsored by Lutheran Church Extension Fund.

What prompted us to do bring in an outsider? Our church had some division, lack of focus, business meetings that last for hours on end with little truly accomplished. We are a 50 plus year old church that trying to be everything to everybody and we are tired. It’s not that we are lazy, it’s that we are working ineffectively, running in too many directions. And we were arguing over which direction was the “right” one.

A family in our church found this program, brought it to our attention last fall and we voted to do it. Not try. DO! This isn’t some outside contractor. This isn’t someone with something to sell or an agenda.

This is a Lutheran program that is based on these premises:

We seek our agenda from God the Father instead of consultants.
We trust God the Son to set the example for our actions instead of basing our decisions on other congregations.
We rely on God the Holy Spirit for our direction instead of relying on focus groups and surveys.

It is a process that is:

Designed by Lutherans for Lutherans.
Grounded in the Word of God and bound by LCMS doctrine.
A faith-based process.
About the work (calling) of the congregation.
Committed to a comprehensive plan.

For a congregation of about 500 or so, coming together in unity, service, focus and prayer isn’t as easy as it sounds. We have so many ministries, so many needs, so many opinions that we, as a church admitted if we did not get a handle on this, we would spend our days, doing good work, but working unproductively. We needed a focus. We needed help and we needed guidance. And we needed objectivity. We needed someone with ministry specific training, someone who understands the basic, and maybe not so basic, tenants of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod to help us.

This is a long process. One that asks a lot of questions and requires a lot of time in prayer. It requires open hearts, open hands, and willingness to seek the face of God and listen to the Holy Spirit. We spent an entire month in prayer both privately and corporately to prepare for this weekend.

Their brochure puts it this way:

Carry out God’s
Plan and Watch Your Ministry Flourish!
Lutheran Church Extension Fund’s Strategic Ministry Planning (SMP)is a faith-based process that helps you go to God with “empty hands,” asking Him to help you set aside personal agendas and to reveal His plans for your ministry. Using a process that is fully participatory and grounded in the Word, we will help members recognize, accept,and take action on God’s calling for your congregation’s
ministry.

I’m proud of my church. Most of us showed up for this program. More than half of the congregation anyway which is a miracle in itself really.

We split into groups of four with one only “rule.” We were asked to sit outside of family and boards and mix it up a little. We did that. In voters meetings we tend to sit with our boards and families, but not for this.

The funnel of ideas and goals started rather large, with broad questions. She was casting a net for us to start with. Our groups agreed on one answer, of 4 or 5 words, for each question and Carol (our facilitator) put the answers on the wall. The common themes began to emerge throughout the first night; Missions, Outreach, Compassion, Love, Forgiveness, Christ. All of our small groups were saying the same thing. The Holy Spirit was at work.

Once it came time to get to the ‘nitty gritty’ as I like to call it, of creating a mission statement, values, and goals, we had to stick to the words on the walls. Carol would not put in words that we did not as a church put on the wall.

When things got hairy, and they did because we are imperfect people, we stopped and prayed as a group. When we got stuck in fear (and we did) Carol had us write down on cards what one thing are we afraid of losing if we agree to this goal. When ever fear strikes we repent as individuals and confess those fears, lay down those agendas, and turn back towards God. Pastor led us in a corporate confession and absolution and we continued. We are a confessional church after all.

What is really cool is they don’t leave us hanging after we create the goal. LCEF comes back to help us step through the second tier of this BHAG. The ministry boards of the church will come together to examine it and create the steps needed to reach it.

The center is not an exclusionary. We aren’t getting rid of things we are already doing and replacing it with the newest fad. Business of the church continues. Carol will help keep our leaders feet to the wheel and make sure we, as a congregation, stay focused.

I’m excited for the future. Knowing our church’s values, vision, and goals IS exciting.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Don’t throw away your confidence

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“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded, you need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”

Hebrews 10:35-36

I made a commitment to God and to several of my new blogging friends to memorize one new scripture verse on the 1st and 15th of each month. We all began with a bang and most of us are still here. A lot of us chose paragraphs in our enthusiam and Beth and Amanda at Living Proof Ministries Blog lovingly suggested this might be too ambitious and to please start smaller. They were right. I was struggling with mine. I spent February committing my first verse (small paragraph) to memory and meditating on that. The fact that it is our new benediction for 2009, made it all the more fun.

God had actually impressed my first verse on my heart last Spring when I bought Seven Celebrations for the Soul by Kathy Troccoli. I picked that Bible study for our new women’s Sunday School class long before I knew what Pastor’s verse for the year was going to be.

This is my new memory verse for the next two weeks. I’ve been praying since last fall for a focus. Something that God wanted me to learn, grasp, inwardly digest and the word “confidence” keeps coming back, again and again.

So be it. The truth is, I am extremely insecure. I’m not nearly as confident in anything as people seem to think. What amazes me about that is neither are my heros in the faith. I was blown away when I discovered that. I love this new verse. I know I’ve read Hebrews time and time again and yet, I missed it somehow.

Don’t throw away your confidence.
Persevere in carrying out the will of God.

God knew that the time for me to hear those words, was now.

The Lost Generation

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Please turn off my music player to watch this video. The following is a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20 year old. The contest was titled “u @ 50”. Apparently this video won second place….. I can’t imagine what 1st place must have been like. Apparently, when they showed this, everyone in the room was awe-struck an d broke into spontaneous applause.

So simple and yet so brilliantly creative. Take a minute and watch it. Do not fast forward as there is a point in the video where it may take your breath away ….. skipping through it will only make you miss the simple genius of it all. In case you are thinking about it, there is no screaming monster that will jump out at you …. this IS NOT a joke. ENJOY !

So What Do you Do all Day?

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Well, we’re redecorating again. Or should I say, still. Everything got turned topsy turvey about three years ago when we decided to turn our dining room back into a dining room and move Jeff’s music stuff, somewhere else. The poor guy has been feeling like an orphan at a family picnic ever since. And I have been feeling like a failure because I just could not make this new arrangement “work.”

We tried using the spare bedroom upstairs for Jeff’s music gear, but with the addition of a keyboard – for Charlie and then drums for Dillon, it just didn’t really fit anymore so we did a total upheaval of the house and moved three rooms at once.

We took our front room – where my office was as well as our work out stuff, my scrap booking and jewelry design gear, and crammed that upstairs – I never could get that organized well enough to find anything since.

Granted, half the reason why I couldn’t make it work was because I like to read Better Homes and Gardens, and well… I never come even close to what I think it should be. Take this photo for example. THIS is how I wanted my office to look like. Forget the fact that building out those shelves is a major renovation in and of itself, my room up there isn’t even layed out like that.I was trying to turn it into too many things. I never did get that finished completely. We took the den and moved it into the front room, but the shape of the room made the arrangement awkward at best.

We arranged the den to include ALL of our musical gear and while it looked really nice, it was located right in the middle of our home and did not have private access. You have to walk through that room to get to almost everything or at least the kitchen and the back yard.

Our house has been in cluttered chaos ever since the move. So last weekend, we emptied the front room, painted the walls and began the return to normal.

The drums are now in the garage. (Yeah!), our family computer is back downstairs and our TV is back in the Den. We also did our part in economic stimulus by purchasing a new modular couch at Sunshine Furniture (discount furniture store.) Now both of my teenage boys can lay on the couch at the same time and not touch each other. This is my new bliss let me tell you. A mom has a limit to how many “He’s touching me’s” she can withstand before cracking. I hit mine about 12 years ago.

Sometimes, even with the best of plans, I need to step back and admit that it’s just not working, go back to the beginning and try again. That’s what we are doing. Going back to the begining. It’s the way it was, but better. We painted the front room in beautiful sage green with Russian Borscht for accents. The borcht actually carries over from our kitchen and was his idea.

I’m still planning the layout in this room. What was okay for me upstairs and hidden will not work in the first room you see upon entering the home. This room will be a peaceful retreat for reading or whatnot. My design bench will be less obvious and my storage is the old linen closet upstairs. My shelves? Will be left behind and that’s okay too. Keep it Simple Stupid (KISS) is my new mantra for 2009.

We will paint the old “new” music room in whatever colors he wants. He’ll have shelving that he didn’t have before for his gear and music books. He has a closet now built out for storage that we can share. It’ll be good.

It’s almost ready. I’ve got about another week of moving things around before it’ll be totally situated. Once that is completed, I’ll post the photos.

More Ice Photos

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Our neighborhood web page offers more photos of the ice storm that destroyed my yard a year ago. These are far better than the ones I was able to take and show the extent of the damage.

Rookie Gardens and Lesson’s learned

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I attacked my garden plans last years with visions of beauty, fullness, and completion. I purchased whole garden packages fully expecting them to fill in the first year. Classic rookie mistake. It actually takes about three years for perennial gardens to fill in. Lesson learned. This year, I will invest in a few more perennials and fill the rest of the spots in with annuals.

I still had some nice flowers though. My newest side garden was filled with carnations, black eyed susans, lilly of the valley, sedem, and coral bells. I was pleasantly surprised by the results.

This is my Beauty of Moscow Lilac. I knew she wouldn’t bloom last year, but she held up quite good. I’m looking forward to watching her mature.

My hard drive crashed over the winter and I lost a lot of my garden photos. So, I won’t be blogging much about last year after all. I do however still have some of my closeups. The garden did fill in pretty well by fall and should do really well this coming year.


We also added a Japanese Maple to the mix, but he really hated this sunny spot and we had to move it to a more shaded area in front of our porch.

This fall I added my tulips, Rose of Sharon Bushes, Lillies, and more daisies. I’m looking forward to seeing those results come Spring and Summer as well.

It’s just not “Lutheran” unless…

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Galatians 4:8-11 “
Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you. “

Do you know that I grew up less than a block away from a Lutheran Church. They were so secretive and so seclusionary that our neighborhood honestly believed them to be a cult. Today, I’m an LCMS Lutheran at first by marriage and now by confirmation. I believe in the tenants of faith. I believe in scripture alone, faith alone, and grace alone. I believe in one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

I love what I’m seeing LCMS do. The missions, the outreach, the hope in Christ. We serve a greater purpose today than just to ourselves. We’re following Christ’s words – we’re out there – proclaiming the Gospel. I love it!

Synod allows for autonomy in our individual congregations. Some congregations are very High Episcopal in worship style, while others are more open and contemporary. And we have everything in between. What’s intersting to me, or disconcerting depended on your view point is how often we as a body bicker back and forth about what is and isn’t acceptable to God when it comes to worship styles. I was really disheartened by that until I looked at Galatians recently – the bickering goes back a coupla thousand years. I also found this Martin Luther Quote – on a blog (I’ve forgotten where and I’m sorry to the author I thought I’d bookmarked it) – and low – this “argument” existed in his day as well.

I wanted to simply share the words of Martin Luther with you today. Considering that he is the guy who wrote A Mighty Fortress is Our God – to the tune of a modern day bar song – he’s been on the receiving end of a lot of guff himself. His thoughts facinate me.

Martin Luther, from his Lectures on Galatians (CPH 1963), re: Gal. 4:8-11
“There is no middle ground between human working and the knowledge of Christ; if this knowledge is obscured, it does not matter whether you become a monk or a heathen afterwards.

“Therefore it is completely insane when the papists and the Turks do battle against each other about religion and the worship of God; each contends that he has the true religion and worship of God. In fact, even the monks are not in agreement among themselves; one wants to be regarded as holier than another merely because of some foolish outward ceremonies, when in their hearts the opinions of them all are more alike than eggs. For this is what they all think: ‘If I do this work, God will have mercy on me; if I do not, He will be wrathful.’

“Therefore every man who falls away from the knowledge of Christ necessarily rushes into idolatry; for he must invent a form for God that does not exist anywhere, as the Carthusian trusts that because of his observance of his monastic rule, and the Turk that because of his observance of the Koran, he pleases God and will receive from Him the reward for his labor.

“A God of this kind, who forgives sins and justifies in this manner, cannot be found anywhere. Therefore it is all a vain imagination and a dream, the invention of an idol in the heart. For nowhere has God promised that He intends to justify men and save them on account of religious orders, observances, and forms of worship that have been thought up and established by men. In fact, as all Scripture attests, nothing is more abominable to God than such self-chosen works and forms of worship; He even overthrows kingdoms and empires on account of such things.

“Therefore all those who trust in their own ability and righteousness are serving a god who by nature is no god but is a god only in their opinion. For He who is true God by nature speaks this way: ‘I am not pleased with any righteousness, wisdom, or religious observance except the one by which the Father is glorified through the Son. Whoever takes hold of this Son and of Me or of My promise in Him through faith—to him I am God, to him I am Father; him I accept, justify, and save. All the rest remain under wrath, because they worship him who by nature is no god.’

“Whoever defects from this doctrine will necessarily fall into an ignorance of God and an ignorance of the righteousness, wisdom, and proper worship of God. He will be an idolater, remaining under the Law, sin, death, and the rule of the devil; and everything that he does will be lost and condemned.”

The Day Mom Broke

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I can remember the day, years ago, sitting at our dining room table writing our Christmas newsletter when “I’m gonna KILL you!” screams ripped through my peaceful writing time. The next thing I knew the door to the garage burst open with my five year old running for his life from his (very wet) seven year old brother. Dillon ran past me, with Charlie in fast pursuit. Through the kitchen and living room they went with a brief chase around the couch. Dillon then made his bolt down the hall and into our bathroom, locking the door behind him and falling against it in fits of laughter. Charlie hit the door too – pounding on it with both fists, screaming at him the whole time.

I crumpled up my Normal Rockwell lie of a newsletter and started over. “My sons are trying to kill each other today, and I have no idea why. Charlie is soaking wet, it’s cold outside and I can only assume Dillon decided to spray him with the garden hose. Who knew it still worked in the winter. I thought we’d put it away. Dillon found it again and plugged it back in. I’m not surprised. Dillon is locked in the bathroom laughing, and Charlie is pounding on the door trying to kill him. Should I intervene? Or let nature take it’s course. Ah yes, the true issues of parenting I can’t find in my parenting books:Do I make them love each other? Or let them fight it out and see who survives?”

Charlie finally gave up and went into his bedroom to change clothes. I knew the battle wasn’t over. Charlie would at some point get even. I just didn’t know when or how.

There was a time when these expressions of brotherly “love” would have me baffled to the point of tears. My husband had come home to find me sitting on the middle of the living room floor in tears because I thought I was a failure as a Mom. “They hate each other!” I cried. “What did I do wrong? I’m a failure as a parent.”

Jeff walked back to find them playing cars in their bedroom and asked what happened. Charlie piped up. “Uhm.. Mom broke Dad. We don’t know what happened, we weren’t doing anything.” Yeah right.

They were fighting – over I don’t remember what, and I had finally had enough and fell to the floor on my knees calling out to God. “I’m so sorry! I failed! My boys hate each other and it’s all my fault.” I basically had a nuclear meltdown.

That would be when Jeff sat me down and shared with me all of the ways he and his brother showed “love” for each other. Basically, they beat the snot out of each other until one got big enough to hit back hard enough that it hurt. After that, they became friends. OH.

My boys still mess with each other, but not as bad as they did. When they were younger, Dillon would throw himself to the floor crying hysterically saying that Charlie hit him and Charlie would get in trouble. It did not take long for Charlie to learn if he was going to get in trouble anyway, he might as well hit his brother. It did not take long for Dillon to stop throwing himself on the floor. Now they just play mind games.

Take Sunday night for example. Once a month we go to a leadership Bible Study. Jeff and I lead it, and the boys babysit. This month Dillon had the night off. He knew we were going, but was asleep when we left. When he woke up the house was dark and he was alone. He’d forgotten where we were, so he called Jeff.

Relieved to find out he wasn’t missing anything, he hung up. Charlie piped up then, “You should have have told him the rapture is real after all and he missed it. That would have been funny.”

Brothers. They WILL love each other some day, right?

Starting again

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It turns out that losing three of my four rosebushes wasn’t the end of the world. I still have a beautiful climber in the back yard, and I got to go shopping. There is a local nursery in town that supports people with developmental disabilities. They run the nursery and the money earned there, goes back to support job training, housing, and whatnot.

My roses died close to the end of planting season in Tulsa, so the nurseries were pretty picked over. I was however able to find lavender, a fir tree, and a beautiful yellow forsynthia bush as well as a barberry bush. I then moved some of my Iris’s from my back yard and added several annual pieces, like sweet potato vine, for color.

I found this beautiful plant at Westlake Ace Hardware on Memorial Day weekend. They had a close out on thier potted arrangements. It turned out to do really well in the heat and looked great with the rest of my plants, but it didn’t come with a lable and I have no idea what it is. I’ll take my garden scrapbook with me this Spring while I shop around so that I can lable it and know what to buy.

With all of the sandy loam and sawdust left behind from my pine trees – ants moved into the new territory. I don’t like ants and after we sprayed the tar out of the garden,I started putting in plugs to keep them away. The plugs worked.

I let my new bed grow for the season while I focused in on building up my other new garden spots. The results ended up a little “over done” by the end of summer, but for a first year garden, it really wasn’t that bad. Not a bad second start. I spent my fall pulling out the annuals, trimming back the lavender and pitching the barberry bush (it died under the vine – my bad). I’ve added several new perenial pieces from SpringHill Nursery and I’m looking forward to seeing what blooms this Spring.

Sitting to the side, in the white pot is a magnolia “bush” I also purchased in the Spring – I really need to stay from on line catalogs. I didn’t read the small print and the “bush” arrived as a bare root plant that will require several years to mature.

This was another one of my “oopsies” last year. I thought I was buying THIS.

Spring Hill showed it as part of a “sunny garden spot foundation garden set” that can be purchased as a group and I thought it would be perfect in front of our living room window.

I’m fortunate to have a husband who likes to read the small print and dig in the yard from time to time. While we were planting the new garden set, he read the little box this root came in. It turns out my cute little bush grows to a height of ten feet.

THAT – will not fit in front of our living room window. See what I mean?

I added building out a new bed to my fall clean up and plantings. I wasn’t planning on doing that yet – I was going to build those over the winter and plant in the Spring, but she needed a home and my South fence needed some covering, so that is where we put her.