My Poor Guinne Pig (not for the weak stomached)

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Warning – this is not for the easily queasied…but this is my life today.

Snickers – our family guinne pig, passed to his peaceful rest, right in front of the vet’s office. In my sons arms. As I was putting the car into park. One minute he’s here, the next he isn’t. I had an appointment. I’m wondering how one discretely walks into the vet’s office to tell them you won’t be needing the appointment after all. I mean I had to tell her, I didnt’ want to be charged for a no show. So, I leaned over the desk and very quietly explained the predicament. Poor gal – didn’t know what to say. And frankly neither did I. Oh well.

Sad as I am to see snicker’s go. – I was slightly grateful that my son is now 15 and not five. We’ve burried 3 hamsters, umteen fish, three lizards, a few frogs, about five or so hermit crabs, an entire aquarium of “sea monkeys,” a cocker spaniel and another guinne pig that we had on loan from school. We’ve burried a lot of animals in our life time. Except Trapper – our cocker spaniel – him we had cremated. He now sits on the top shelf in my husband’s music room.

While Dillon is not immune to losing pet’s, he’s a little more used to it now, I guess, he still has a heart. He’s grown to accept death as part of life and knows that while our days are numbered, so are the days of our pets. Snickers was no exception. Except that he was only 4, and he passed due to fumes in our kitchen – we were having it painted and it didnt’ even occur to me until it was too late that the fumes might be toxic to the little guy.

That’s probably why I let him do it. – I don’t normally allow animals to be burried in our yard – well, except for the hamsters – they were little. But with snickers, I kinda felt guilty. Okay I felt a LOT guilty. So I let Dillon build a casket (out of wood) and he and his brother burried the poor guy in the farthest corner of our yard while dad was out of town.

I told my husband about it when he got back from his trip – and while he wasn’t happy about having an animal burried in the yard, he was willing to accept it.

Two weeks passed and while I was out of town at a speaker’s conference, Jeff (my husband) found a small dead possom in the yard – not to be gross, but the dogs were dragging it around and he and Charlie had to distract them to get it away from them and properly dispose of it – (Trash bin). This possum was in pretty bad shape from the sounds of it, and I was glad to hear they got it away from the dogs and into the trash.

Then I went to work in my gardens and checked on the grave while I was there. Alas – the tomb was empty. I saw the bottom and sides of the, well, casket, but no top – and no snickers. So how do you tell your boys that wasn’t a possum? I quietly decided not to. And I left the head stone and planted new monkey grass on that spot. They will never know.

Are you a HopeLifter, or a Hope Crusher?

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I just got back from the most incredible week I’ve had in a long time. For those who don’t know, I took a huge personal risk and went to Grand Rapids Michigan for a speaker’s workshop called Speak Up With Confidence. This class was led in large part by Carol Kent – with a lot of help from her friends let me tell you.

Carol has been teaching this class for about 25 years now. SpeakUP is geared towards enabling and equipping ministry leaders with the skills needed for teaching, speaking, and witnessing Christ with confidence and clarity.

With the loss of my mentors several years back (through geographical moves or death) I have felt lost and a bit alone. I’ve been praying for a learning opportunity like this for the past five years. Once there, I caught myself wondering why God waited until this year to let me know about it. And then it hit me, God waited because this was the first year I was ready for it. I was scared as it was and it took constant prayer just to get me on the plane. Once there I still battled with my own insecurities and fears.

I learned far more than I can blog about today, but I did learn one thing that I do want to write about. Hopelifting. I want to know, am I a HopeLifter or a Hope Crusher? Not only for others, but for myself as well.

The team at SpeakUP is very affirming and gives constructive guidance and feedback. I struggled at times with my own myopic mirror of self doubt and the ability to look around me and encourage others. I love giving encouragment – and I learned that I don’t always know how to receive it.

Throughout the week, I was given affirmations by the leaders at just the right times. One leader called me “beautiful” not once, but twice. Someone else told me she thought I had the friendliest face. Carol wrote after my five minute evaluation “Excellent Communication Skills, very warm and connects with the audience.” and then went on to ask me if I was a teacher. I did internal backflips over that one, let me tell you. To be affirmed by a woman I admire (even if we don’t really know eachother) meant the world.

I’m keeping those evaluation forms in my smile box – I know there will come a day when I’ll need that emotional boost and I can pull them out and read them for a pick me up.

I have a question here – if you do not have someone in your life who is affirming you in healthy and positive ways, can you commit to being that for yourself? I can be my own worst enemy to be honest – I’m known for being verbally and spiritually abusive to myself – “Well that was stupid.” and “I’m such a dork” yes I say those things pretty regularly – I’ve committed to learning how to be that affirming voice for myself – will you join me in that?

I returned on Sunday just in time for a voters meeting at church – still on cloud 9 from this workshop I invited the ENTIRE congregation to SpeakUP. My aim is to bring at least five people back with me next year. People who are ready to take that next step in ministry and step out in faith for Christ.

Voter’s meetings are well, voters meetings what can I say. Being part of a church plant that isn’t always enthusiastically embraced by our congregation is a challenge. We have a couple who openly oppose what we are trying to do and find ways to speak out against it when ever they can.

After the meeting this gal and her husband sought out part of our team to pray with us, and told us all about the two mission churches they tried to start and how they failed. They were trying to be encouraging.. but the message they gave us was “well, we failed so we know that you will too.”

Fortunatley for us, we chose not to receive their words (and it is a choice), and simply thanked them for their time and concern and let them leave.

They are what I call hope crushers… people who are double minded in their caring and who focus their time on telling people why their ideas and dreams won’t work.

I try to avoid people like that.

What I want to do this week is look for opportunities to be a hopelifter in someones life – and watch my words with my own family. Am I being affirming in positive ways? Or am I transferring my past and fears onto someone else?

Do you want to join me? Listen to your words this week – are you lifting up others or smashing them down? Keep a journal and see. When you do see yourself smashing hope – call on Christ – confess it as sin (because that’s what it is) then repent – (turn around in your actions) make a plan to be more affirming – for yourself and for others, and ask for God’s help – he will help you.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I did not send them

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Jeremiah 29:11-12

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

The spiritual gift of prophesy is a sticky wicket to me. I’ve had people tell me at various times in my life that they “have a word” for me. Some ask if they can share it, others… well they just share away. This used to confuse me, until I learned to put things on a shelf and pray about them.

I have a very interesting gal in my life. She’s very pentecostal/charismatic. She prays loudly and uses a lot of words. Some people love to pray with her because she says great things, is “encourgaing” and “makes it feel like God Himself is present.”
I want to like her. But I’m not sure I do. I get my feelings hurt around her a lot, and I’m not sure why. I do know, that when I pray with her I feel hurt by her audacity. The most recent prayer that comes to mind, “Dear Lord please return love to this marriage.” – referring to my husband and I.

I found myself wondering, who told her love had left? And then I started questioning, “had it left and I just didn’t see it?” All I know is I don’t want to pray with her anymore.

I have another friend from Assembly of God and man can she pray too. When she and I pray together, she hears my heart. When I pray with her, I don’t get my feelings hurt and I don’t feel intimidated or overshadowed, rather I feel connected in Spirit with both her and God.

Something is different.

I took my concerns back to God and asked him why I felt the way I did. I wanted to know if maybe it was jealousy. I mean she adores my husband and says wonderful things when she prays over him.
That’s when he showed me another part of Jeremiah 29, this time verses 8 and 9.


“This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let your prophets and fortune-tellers who are with you in the land of Babylon trick you. Do not listen to their dreams, because they are telling you lies in my name. I have not sent them,” says the Lord.”
I love it when God answers my prayers and concerns like that. I can call a lie a lie when I see it, and I don’t have to receive every word that comes at me as if it comes from God, because it doesn’t always. And when it does, He’ll tell me that too.

5 Column Template for Blogspot Blogger: Instructions for changing template

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5 Column Template for Blogspot Blogger: Instructions for changing template

My Son’s Search for Manhood

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“Boys will be boys” or so the saying goes. But I’m struggling with what that really means right now. My boys are “almost 15” and 17 and both seem to be asking the same questions, “Am I a man?” when I’m still looking at them as my boys.

My youngest just finished Middle School – thank God. And I’m torn between giving myself a medal for surviving it and more truthfully – giving him one. Middle School is rough – Lord of the Flies rough. And somehow kids survive. My oldest survived by internalizing his emotions and my youngest – gives voice to everything, every change, every annoyance, every joy. I’m grateful for his transparency and really want to treat his adolescence as more than something that needs to be endured until he “out grows it.” I’m not raising boys, I’m raising men and I have no clue how to do that – why should I? I’m a female. Their world is so much different than mine. But I am trying to learn.

We got called into school last week because my youngest had come in under their radar. They wanted to know if he was happy – he’s been moody this year – and if there was anything going on that they wanted to know. Where do I begin? He’s struggling with his grades and afraid he won’t be allowed back for high school (he’s been accepted and is happy now) Girls are becoming more of a romantic interest than a platonic one, and he wants freedom. He’s looking for a rite of passage.

For three years (6th grade twice, and 7th grade) he was the smallest and weakest – THIS year puberty hit and he’s grown 6 inches, gained 20 lbs of solid muscle – the girls in his class have gone from mothering him to trying to romance him and he’s just taking it all in. And he’s re-merging with the boys in his class who are rough and tumble and learning how to effectively stand his ground in their midst without being over aggressive and overly passive. Granted he’s doing it with the grace of an elephant in toe shoes – but he is doing it.

This rough and tumble age of aggression with the boys has me startled and amazed. They “play fight” – poke and jab, punch and pinch until someone gets mad and someone gets hurt. They have a code that even I can’t break – they won’t “tell” because some how that effects their peer approval and disputes are “handled” among themselves. No one is getting stuffed into lockers, but someone was “almost” given a swirly. They are brutal with each other in PE – “Racking” is the newest game that is totally unacceptable to me – but part of what they do? I don’t’ get it. Apparently pecking order is being determined among themselves. No one person is bullying anyone else – it’s not like that. I can’t even really describe it. This particular group of boys seems to be navigating this time of transition with their own rituals and discoveries. Despite the apparent violence – both verbal and at times physical – these boys have been together for the last three years – they trust each other in ways I don’t understand. They have each other’s back in more ways than one.

Even though our church offers a religious right of passage in 6th grade called confirmation, I firmly believe that our society has become overly civilized and as a result forces our boys to create their own rites. In my Indian heritage on my maternal mother’s side – young men were sent into the wilderness to survive for several days on their own and to hunt. When they returned with their prize – either a bear or a panther or whatever there was a ceremony and they were accepted “as a man.” We really don’t do that today.

I should be grateful – adolescent males can make other rites of passage – in looking to the “Am I a Man” question – they’ll start smoking, use drugs, drink alcohol, or become sexually active. These things aren’t happening in this group. They are more aware of their surroundings and each other. Their morals and beliefs are still firmly grounded in Christ – and I’m happy for that. They are aware of how their behavior effects others and they are understanding cause and effect and consequences.

This is an age where these boys need strong male influences. While I’m a good one to bounce things off of, and give comfort on the increasingly rare occasions that I’m asked – this really isn’t my world. I feel lost more often than not.

My oldest – chose not to fight his way through this stage of peer development – he was the new kid in 8th grade. He had enough to content with what with his school closing and being forced to leave his friends behind. He simply chose to passively accept his place as low man on the food chain. For him – he didn’t come into his own until later in high school – and only after we changed schools. He’s settling in now, but to be honest – I kinda feel like I failed in the navigation with him. I’m glad though that he is finding his way and learning not only where he stands, but how to stand.

We are looking for ways this summer to help our youngest find these answers in healthy ways with safe boundaries. And true to form – I’m going to be reading a lot.

Some things I’ve found so far:

http://www.soulawakening.org/rediscovering.html _Am I a Man?

Margaret Mead’s Coming of Age in Samoa pointed out that all children, regardless of ethnic milieu, come to a watershed moment, during the teenage years, when they begin looking beyond themselves. In a very real sense, they awaken to the rest of society. This awakening is a time to celebrate their gifts, look for ways to fit into their community, and grapple with how to make the world a better place. But adolescence is a delicate time, far more tender, in some ways, than early childhood. The boy is not a child any longer, and he is not a man. Developmentally excluded from the community of childhood, ambivalent about adulthood, he faces two choices: to join the ranks of responsible adults (provided such exist!), or to band together with his peers in an alternate society, parallel and in many ways counter to the rest of the culture. Without guidance, too many of our boys choose the second option by default. While some traditional societies mentor the young through these “years of change,” in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags” />America this most important life passage is often treated like an extended period of sickness, to be endured with much complaining on all sides until it (hopefully) passes. (Scary thought – Deana)

http://www.youthspecialties.com/articles/topics/gender/boys.php

ReadStart reading about rites of passage. It’s too easy for us to hear a concept, and rather than search it out, to start planning a meeting or an event. Resist doing anything until you start reading about ministry to teenage boys. Read before doing anything else, let it slowly simmer, then allow it to boil. Here are some of the top ten resources I’ve read this year (in no particular order) that might be of help to you.
Passed Thru the Fire by Rick Bundschuh (Tyndale, summer 2003), suggests that we get boys connected and integrated with godly men in the church. This is a fun, fast, and excellent book. He has created a outdoor event for males to be published by Standard Publishing called The Passed Thru Fire Experience.
Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis (Tyndale, 1997), has been an extremely popular book that focuses on the relationship between father and son. Lewis suggests a public ceremony for the teenage male before friends, family, and a community of men.
Professor Richard Ross pleas for a Christian Bar Mitzvah. He has created an experience for a parent and a youth that flows across 30 evenings as a prelude to a Christian bar mitzvah. Check out his Web site at www.josiahpress.com.
A Tribe Apart by Patricia Hersh (Ballantine, 1998) suggests that American teens today are “more isolated and more unsupervised than other generations,” and need mentors. A provocative and shocking book.
Richard Dunn’s Shaping the Spiritual Life of Students (Intervarsity, 2001) identifies teenagers’ alienation and disconnection with significant adults and calls for adults to “pace” and then help shape teens’ lives spiritually.
Wild at Heart (Nelson, 2001) is John Eldredge’s challenge to give up making young men “good boys” and recognize that boys were created with a “desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” Eldredge states that boys are meant to be “warriors.”
Michael Gurian’s A Fine Young Man (Putnam, 1998) is a compelling resource dealing with developmental issues of adolescent boys. Gurian has done extensive homework on each stage of adolescence and uses terminology like “journey” and “pilgrimage.” His view of ages 9-13, called “the age of transformation,” is particularly fascinating.
Young Lions: Christian Rites of Passage for African-American Young Men by Chris McNair (Abingdon, 2001) is an outstanding resource to enable African-American youth to “be the men that God created them to be.” This school-year mentoring program is extremely practical.
Spiritual Milestones by Jim and Janet Weidmann and J. Otis Ledbetter (Cook Com, 2002) deals with celebrating the various spiritual passages with your children and youth.
Crossroads: The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage, edited by Louise Carus Mahdi, Nancy Christopher, and Michael Meade. (Open Court Publishing, 1996) is a detailed work of various rites with a wide range of sociological and theological world views.

Confident Beauty

Deana1 Comment

I haven’t been blogging here lately. It’s not that I haven’t been writing because I have. I’ve just been spending most of my writing time, somewhere else.

In promising myself, and Mamma T, to not be a parrot, I find myself blogging more about my feelings and thoughts and opinions these days. That’s not a bad thing really. It’s still awkard and strained for me. My thoughts and feelings in black and white trail off at times and my blogs seem like incomplete paragraphs and ideas. I am my own worst critic when it comes to that.

I just found out today that a friend of mine is no longer blogging. Sad really. I loved her blogs. She wasn’t super frequent in her writing, but when she wrote it was poetic. She always quoted these really cool authors, some I’d heard of like CS Lewis and other that I’d yet to discover. I feel especially bad in that her last blog was dated Feb 28 and well, I just read it today. Have I really been that far out of the loop? Apparently so. I’m going to miss that heart. I wonder what new things she plans on tackling. I bet they’ll be great.

As for me… my pole dancing blog on myspace (I’m against it btw) was an interesting hit of sorts. Over 50 readers in one day.

Our mission starts were on the news last night. I’m not thrilled with the angle they took, or the fact that my hair was a friz ball (I knew I should have curled it.). They opened with Jonathan talking about “And we wonder how a God who is loving and just could allow something like this to happen to us.” That quote was a good half way through his sermon on grief. Good heavens, that wasn’t what we were wondering at all.

The news made good in the end though – we were there to worship God no matter what, because after all stuff is just stuff.

Why do we worship God, even when bad things happen? Joyce Myers puts it well, “A confident woman knows that she is loved. She does not fear being unloved, because she knows first and foremost that God loves her unconditionally. To be whole and complete, we need to know that we are loved. Receiving the free gift of God’s unconditional love is the beginning of our healing, and the foundation for our new life in Christ.”

Being secure..
Our team – Ablaze Live, brought our trailer of gear to Lord of Life on Sunday, we set up, and we worshipped with them. Why?

Hebrews 12

Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our
Faith
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and(A) sin which clings so closely, and(B)
let us run(C) with endurance the race that is(D) set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,(E) who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising(F) the shame, and(G)
is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Added – 4/15 – Never did answer why… we worshipped together in unity as one team rather than two, because we are secure in God’s love for us. We look to Jesus as the author and protector of our faith and we found a way to lay down all that weighed us down (sorrow over the loss of stuff, competition between churches, hurt feelings over district approving and funding one over the other and whatnot) and we put our focus where is belonged. On God.

If They Laugh

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George Burns once said “If they laugh, it’s funny.” and you know what? He’s right. Although I will admit sometimes getting to laughing is the hardest part.

We’ve had a rough week to say the least, but by Saturday night we were laughing. So either we’ve totally lost it as a team OR we found our place on the light side of circumstance.

First, our home church get’s robbed and we lose some music gear, then we found out that we lost our lease this week at Liberty Elementary. That’s where our Saturday night mission church meets. Maybe “lost” isn’t the right word, it’s more like our lease expired last week (death by paperwork neglect) and our fearless leader was in Cancun, blissfully unaware of our predicament. Until we called him after services to welcome him home. Poor guy.A worship team minus gear and no place to worship? At first we envisioned a pathetic throw back to the old Salvation Army Days, wrapped in coats, standing in front of “our” building, clapping our tamborines. Telling people that Jesus Loved them. Ha. Ha. Besides that – Jen and I have 10,000 (yes that’s TEN THOUSAND) Easter Eggs to fill for an egg hunt for 500 people (or at least that’s how many came last year) and no home to hunt at.. What are we going to do? Walk through the neighborhood and egg houses? Okay so that was lame.

As luck (and great negotiating skills) would have it, Jeff was able to talk the school into “one more night” and we had tonight. Telling the team about our prediciment went better than expected. He and I just found out on Friday and with pastor out of the country, we had no idea how to tell the team. I expected fretting, and disappoinment or worry. What we got, suprised us both. Everyone was happy, excited and laughing about it. We were making jokes about the missing paperwork, and all. Even the Egg Hunt took on new joy – we are open to bigger possibilites now. We can have it any where we want. Woooo Whooo. Set up and tear down of our gear went well, we made it just fine without our second sound board and we even said goodbye to Don the janitor. So long and thanks for all the fish Don.

Even telling pastor, “houston we have a problem” went well. We did it as a group, on our cell phone outside of the school after we loaded our trailor of gear. Receiving bad news by a bunch of laughing people – who probably lost it in some sense or another went down better than if we’d been upset I’m sure. Even if it was his first night back in the country.

We have no idea where we are going, if we’ll be able to get one more three month extension like we asked for- or what, but we do know this..We kept our laughter – and we kept our friendships and because of that – we’ll keep on keepin’ on.

We’re a team – following God and laughing along the way, and we can’t go wrong with that.

Finding Friends

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A friend of mine died last fall, and it got me thinking. This is one way I process, I write things out trying to make sense of them. Have you ever had someone in your life who just lights up when they see you? Feels good doesn’t it? Bill was like that. He’d light up when he saw me, pour a cup of coffee, say “hi kiddo,” sit down and just talk about anything and everything. I’m gonna miss Bill, he taught me a lot about friendship and about life.

I’m sure everyone has seen that email chain that’s gone around that says “friends for a season, a life time… etc” and listing the purpose of each. I get it about once a month or so, and now when i want it, I can’t find it. Figures.

Having moved over 20 times in my life, it wasn’t until I came to Tulsa that I really started makeing friends – that lasted more than six months, and got attached to people. I mean really attached. But then something happened, several died, and I was beside myself because I’d never had to experience that before. When you move a lot, friends ships are kind of like – fraternity rushes. You rush in, make as many surface friends and possible, but you don’t have time to get close because you know you’ll be gone again in a few months or a year. Good byes don’t hurt as much if you aren’t vested in the relationship.

I read a pretty cool interview with Reba McEntyre in one of my magazines this week and she talked about girlfriends. It was really a promo piece for her new CD “Duets” and it was more than just a promo piece if that makes sense. Reba opened up about some big losses in her life, like the time a plane carrying her crew crashed and eight people who were very close to her died. She went on to say that after that, she didn’t want to be friends with anyone anymore – it hurt to much to lose them. Somewhere in her healing she discovered that staying isolated and refusing to connect kept her from builiding memories and from growing. People do come and go in our lives, and it’s important that we build memories. It’s the memories that keep us going long after they are gone.

I liked that story a lot. four years ago our family went through too many changes and it was hard on all of us. We changed churches, our school closed down, and ten of my friends died from cancer or sudden heart attacks. My three main circles of support were suddenly, radically changed. To add insult to injury, I was deeply hurt by a relationship and I’d never really expereinced that before either, and I had no clue what to do about that. For a while there, I felt like the kiss of death woman and didnt’ want to attach to anyone ever again. It showed.

Someone tells me I have a “vulnerable” trait about me which makes me endearing? i have no idea what that means. She just smiled and said it’s not always a bad thing you know, being vulnerable. I’ll have to chew on that one for a while. After losing friends and being hurt, I’d decided “vulnerable” must be a a defect of character and I needed to get rid of it completely. My friend disagrees. Like I said, I’ll have to chew on that one for a while.

I’ve slowly and surely started making new friends and the level of friendships are all different. Some are myspace friends, people I may never meet in real life – or I may, but there is still a connection there. We share things and talk about stuff. It’s safe really. I’ve made new friends in my church who are all at different stages in life. Some of young kids, some have no kids, some have grandkids. We all learn from each other. And I’m making friends at my kids school. I don’t work outside the home anymore because of my son’s epilepsy, so finding places to meet people has been a little challenging. Volunteering opens doors though. And I”m doing that now. – I’m not a good stay at home kind of gal, I actually climb the walls. I’m a social bug, I hate being alone for too long.

I was explaining a friendship to someone this weekend. Chonda Pierce is coming to Tulsa, and I’m one of her Turbo hostesses. She has women in each city that helps promote her show and gets to help during the show sometimes. We work with her best friend Alison, and with her promoters. I was passing out fliers at my church and sitting at a table was one of my call me in the middle of the night if you need me girlfriends was sitting there, along with a say-hello-but-not-much-else friend was there too. I handed them the fliers and said “my girlfriend is coming back.” One gal knew what I was talking about, but the say hello gal wanted me to expound on that a bit. We settled on – she knows who I am and I know who she is and we talk when she is in town, and sometimes email each other – girlfriend. I drive her where she needs to be, and we get to talk mom stuff – friend – when she is here. I call that a girlfriend too.

It’s okay to have friends like that too. It’s a step up from say hello, but not quite call me in the middle of the night. But it’s still a relationship.

When I was working in a church a few years back, I made a different kind of friend. Bill was an elder at the church and he was in his 70’s or early 80’s. He’d come in once or twice a week, pour a cup of coffee and just chat with us. I looked forward to his visits. he was always happy to see me, and very warm and very kind. He’d tell me stories about WWII (he was a bomber pilot), about his kids, about golf, and about his brother in California. I’ll admit that at first, I didn’t’ know what to make of his visits, I thought perhaps he was just lonely, and maybe he was. But after a while I really looked forward to them. he was a nice man.

One day Bill showed up and just sat in the hall. It was the middle of the week, and he looked lost so one of the gals went out to ask if he was okay. He said he was meeting someone there to get the coffee made for church (they did that together on Sunday Mornings and this wasn’t Sunday). He got agitated when she told him it was the wrong day, but he went home.

Two weeks later, he did it again. this time we called his son to come get him. And just like that, my friend was gone. He never came back. Old age does that. Poor Bill had taken a detour in his memory, I think they call it dementia. On top of the dementia, he was having mini-strokes they found out and he could no longer live alone. His son moved him to an assisted living place, and I could see him if I wanted but please know, he won’t remember me. I hate getting old.

Bill died on a Sunday and his was on Wednesday. I went to say goodbye to a friend. Saying goodbye isn’t as hard when you can remember the first time you said hello and all the steps in between.

I have good memories of Bill. And it’s those good memories that keep me going. Building positive memories makes saying goodbye worth it.

The LORD Calls Samuel

Deana2 Comments

The LORD Calls Samuel

The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions. One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of
the LORD, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, “Here I am.” And he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” So he went and lay down. Again the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” “My son,” Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD : The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him. The LORD called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’ ” So Samuel went and lay down in his place. The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.” And the LORD said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’ ”

Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the LORD. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision, but Eli called him and said, “Samuel, my son.” Samuel answered, “Here I am.” “What was it he said to you?” Eli asked. “Do not hide it from me. May God deal with you, be it ever so severely, if you hide from me anything he told you.” So Samuel told him everything, hiding nothing from him. Then Eli said, “He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes.” The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of his words fall to the ground. And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the LORD.


The LORD continued to appear at Shiloh, and there he revealed himself to Samuel
through his word.

I’m studying Samuel right now. It’s an interesting study, looking back at the Old Testament. It starts with Eli, and high priest and ends with King David. It’s all about leadership. I’m calling it the Good, the bad and the Ugly. I’m really more of a Jonah than a Samuel. I hate conflict, my face turns red, I look like I’m going to cry, and I sound angry when in reality, I’m just snotfaced scared and nothing more, especially if the person I’m disagreeing with, is someone I admire and whose approval means a lot to me.

If taking on the Characteristics of Samuel is what is required of being a leader, God and I have a lot of work to do.

Samuel is the son of Hannah. Hannah was barren and cried out to God with such passion and fever that Eli thought she was drunk. She wasn’t, but she was hurting. She wanted a baby, and she promised God if he gave her one, she’d dedicate him back to the Lord. He did and so did she. She gave her son, Samuel, to Eli to raise as a priest.

Samuel grows up, and Eli’s own sons do all kinds of things against God and even though Eli rebukes his own sons, they don’t listen so God eventually replaces Eli. Guess who’s job it is to tell him? Yep. Samuel. Poor kid – God speaks to him for the first time, and it’s a message to his mentor of “You blew it, and you’re being replaced, with me.” Yuck.

Can you imagine, being alone in your room and hearing God call out to you? God doesn’t do that to me, thankfully. If he did, I’d think I was crazy. God choses to speak to my heart through nature, people, and his Word. Even worse though with this young man Samuel, is God not only called out to him, he had a message that would force Samuel to confront his mentor. I for one think, if God wants to speak to me, that is be good news, rather than this. Couldn’t God have started out with a nice greeting? You know, something “Hey Samuel, how ya doing? I remember when your mother asked for you. She was so joyous when she had you.” Something simple and happy. But no, that’s not what God did. Which probably explains why God is God, and I am not.

But that’s not what God did.

God uses Samuel to deliver a lot of hard to hear messages. It’s Samuel that get’s replaced for a King (Saul), it’s Samuel that confronts Saul, and it’s Samuel that annoints King David when he’s still a shepherd.

Samuel gets to do a lot of unfun things. I don’t want to be a Samuel. I’m too much of a people pleaser for that. But still, I can learn a lot from Samuel.

  1. He told the truth in love
  2. He was more afraid of God than he was his mentors
  3. He never abandoned those he loved – including Isreal. Even after they replaced him with a King, he still stayed close by to pray for and support.

Neat kind of Guy Samuel.

I’m not there. I hide the truth through acquiescence more often than not, I’m more afraid of my mentors than I am God, I’d rather run away and leave, than stay and confront and work through.

I’m not Samuel, but I can learn from him.

Broken Limbs yes, Broken Life? No…

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Just a short blog really. Ton’s to write about, but little time at the moment. I’m too busy enjoying my kids and my husband during Christmas break.

I will write this: My day began with emails from some CCA people. (CCA is the Christian Comedy Association, with members like Chonda Pierce, Ken Davis, Nazarath, and other Christian speakers and artists too numerous to mention, all of us Christian.) It started with a word of encouragement from our President of CCA, followed by an Amen from one member. Another shared the wisdom of how important it is *not* to contract food poisoning while in Cambodia on New Years (his web page is ironically called throwingup.com – he’s a juggler) and then my next email following this chain was another exhortation for the new years.

Life’s up’s and downs in one chain. All I could do was look at those emails (from a few of my hero’s in the faith and industry) and consider myself blessed beyond measure, that God would allow me to be part of such an amazing group of speakers, comics, and evangelists.
2007 was a rough year for some of us, depression, cancer, epilepsy, ministry struggles, and what not. A friend lost her nephew to suicide last night, and another lost her husband this morning. More of life already unfolding. And yet “because of the Lord’s Great love, we know that we will not be consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. And no matter what this day brings, His faithfulness is great. (lam 3:22-33)

On the morning of the great Tulsa ice storm, I sat on my back porch with my coffee wrapped in a blanket, whining at God about the devastation taking place right before my eyes. Standing proud and presently unharmed was my maple tree. She was my lone tree. The only one left. So I started talking to her, much like an old friend. “You’re strong you know. Beautiful. This storm doesn’t mean anything. You are a Maple Tree. Created to last. Created to withstand harsh winters. Created to give fruit (maple syrup) to other’s. You are important. Hang in there.”
Great words of affirmation – even if it was for a tree. Then I started talking to God. Asking him to spare my last remaining tree. The one my kids climb. The one that is about 20 years old. No, it doesn’t look like much – but it’s my tree God. And then he whispered in my heart, “I am the vine, and you are the branches.”

Wasn’t that cool of God? Speaking to my heart in the storm. Reminding me of his faithfulness. Putting a scripture on my heart just when I needed it most. I snuggled down in my blanket with my cup of coffee in my hands for warmth, and felt for a moment, cozy and safe in His arms.

Then from out of nowhere, I hear this C-A-R-A-C-K!!!!

Down falls the biggest branch from my sad maple tree.

“Oh Thanks a lot God!, Great Visual! Here I am all happy to be part of your vine – YOU put that verse on my heart. It’s not like I made it up you know~! Yeah, I’m comforted.
With that, more branches fell.

This time, I hunkered back down in my blanket, not in secure warmth, but more like a childish pout. He could have left me like that, but he didn’t. Again I heard his whisper, “You don’t get it, do you? YOU’RE not that tree, and my vine? Nothing can snatch you away, no storm, no weight, no sin. Your name is carved into my hand, and you are mine.”

You don’t have to drive far to see how badly this last storm whiped out some of our greatest trees. It’ll be a long time before Tulsa looks the same. Our streets are lined with the debris, waiting for FEMA to pick it up. And yet, God’s word remains.

His mercies are new each day, “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 31-39

And in case someone hasn’t told you lately. “You’re strong you know. And when you’re not feeling so strong, remember that God is stronger. You are beautiful. This present storm in your life doesn’t mean anything. You might be pressed, but you will not be crushed by it’s weight. You are created to last. Created to withstand harsh winters and sweet summers. Created to bear fruit to other’s. You are important, to God and to me. Hang in there.”
Speak to the storms in your life, and most importantly speak to God.

God Bless you all in 2008
Deana