I have this dream – it’s reoccurring really, that my husband dies and I find myself alone – wondering who I am. And I set out, not on a one thousand mile hike per se’ but more like a 400 mile bike trip trying to find my strength. I WANT to see this movie… something about it, resonates with me.
I am frequently at a loss for words that describe what it is I’m really aspiring to do with my banjo. Blue grass, folk, corny fun, Gospel, what? Bela Fleck is a magnificent composer. While I love all things banjo, the way this man brings out the depth and beauty of this instrument strikes me with pure awe. There is no style of music he cannot play be it bluegrass, new grass, jazz, Bach, or Celtic. If I achieve half his skill before I die, I shall die a fulfilled woman. I’ve never heard banjo played better than this.
Menopause sucks. I’m just going to say it. If it’s not hot flashes, weird girl issues, sweaty palms, hormones through the roof that keep me looking at the ground half the time, and insomnia, — it’s dreams so strange that if Sigmund Freud were to analyze them he’d think “Wow that woman is messed up!”
In the past seven days I have:
- Met the Gaithers in my underwear
- Been adopted as a daughter by my son’s former high school principal
- Been stalked, hunted down and shot at by an acquaintance’s wife. That one still has me freaked out.
Not to feel to horribly alone, a friend shared with me today that she dreamed she was forced to create macaroni art using cockroaches.
I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I want my insomnia back.
I wanted to be an actress many moons ago. Unfortunately I look more like Molly Ringwald than Molly Ringwald and couldn’t get cast to save my life.
See what I mean?
They say that possession is 9 tenths of the law. The fact that I had her look before she did is irrelevant. She was already famous. She possessed the coveted contracts with my look before I did. I didn’t get my movie break but I did get a nice head shot for my efforts and I had a lot of fun pursuing a dream.
Life eventually moves on. Business college, careers, love, marriage and children take over. Along the way I spread my creative wings to pick up an acting gig here and there. Nothing spectacular, but enough to keep me satisfied. I am in several corporate training videos from the 1990’s that are as cheesy as training video notoriously are and I’ve done bit sketches and some comedy.
Believe it or not Tulsa is a great place for acting and major motion pictures. Tulsa has a nice midwestern feel that a lot of producers like and so we see movies being shot here rather frequently.
The upside to that, I get work as an extra. Sometimes I’m paid, sometimes not. Even so, it’s creative and fun.
Last summer I got to be in Cowgirls N Angels which comes out next Spring and yesterday I got to film for So This is Christmas which comes out next fall. Both are wonderful movies with not only an excellent cast, but a great message as well.
Acting seems like a strange thing to be thankful for I admit. Being on a sound stage brings my neurosis to a much higher than normal level. Am I dressed right? oh God I brought the wrong clothes. The director hates me. Or does the like me. I can’t tell. Why is he looking at me like that? The lighting guy just smiled at me. What? He’s not the lighting guy — he was standing a ladder – oh crap. That’s… never mind.
I am a walking ball of insecurity 24/7.
Acting keeps my right brain alive and allows me to grow as a person. The fact that I get to participate, even slightly, in a dream I laid down years ago is a huge blessing. For that, I’m thankful.