Tag: Jesus

In The Hands of God

Deana9 Comments
Martin Luther by Lucas Cranach. The Protestant...
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I’ve had quite the week.  

DOWN: How do I describe promoting a concert for three months only to find out the Non Profit putting on the fundraiser never had a signed contract?  

UP: I was upset over this deal gone bad when a  friend calls me back – from the airport mind you – while he’s traveling, to talk me through the whole contracts and clauses issues. While it doesn’t fix the problem I experienced, they still make me feel better because I know I am not alone, nor am I the first person on the planet to ever get into a pickle. Talking to my friend, left me feeling blessed and dearly loved.  

BIG DOWN: Then I find out there is a slight possibility that someone may try to have me excommunicated if I participate in an event that I have been participating in on and off since 2000. Why? Because our synod doesn’t agree with their synod therefore – no playing together in the sandbox. You can call it politics if you want, but I call it being a self-righteous uhm.. donkey.  

I wasn’t in a good mood the day I was told I might be kicked out,  and I made our music director cross himself when I stated — What can man do to me? My salvation is secure so, tell them to Bring it!  

Can I let you in on a little secret here – being kicked out of the church has always been my biggest fear – until this week. I’m not afraid anymore. For the first time in my entire life, that fear has no power over me.  

It’s been a roller coaster week full of joy and deep hurt for this body of Christ. I’ve been praying, reading, talking, and trying to listen to God. I was also complaining a bit about how silent I thought he was being here. I mean did he want me to sing or not? Can I live with the consequences of my choices or not? Will he be there for me or not?  

Some days I look back over my life, remembering all the times the church said no, and I was on the outside looking in. Time and time again I see how “the church” or whomever I was associating with the church seems to fail me. I’m selective in my reverie at those times and tend to leave out all of the good that comes with the church as well.  

 Monday was one of those selective memory days. It was also a peanut butter and hot-fudge sundae for dinner kind of day.  At least it was before God reached into my broken and hurting heart in a way only He can. I was sitting in my truck, waiting for my son to come back with our sundaes, and talking to God about all of the mess of it. I was wondering if they really will kick me out and how will that impact my family, and it’s just a rumor God, but could they really do it? Why do all these things happen? Will I ever find peace in the church? How do I get through this?  

 Out of the blue I’m hit with this realization:  

Satan was afraid of me.  

In that same moment that my heart remembers a song I haven’t heard in ages: In Christ Alone.  

Those two truths hit me with such emotional force that all I could do was cry.  

God not only heard me, but he speaks to me as well.  

Just when I thought I was ready to bag the whole Lutheran thing, God brings me to a web page I didn’t now know existed in Synod called Jesus First Leadership. JFL appears to support the same causes and mind-set towards missions that my husband and I hold dear. I don’t know enough about them yet to really know anything, but for today it was enough.  

And just in case those things weren’t enough, God also brought me to this quote today in my readings:  

Once when Martin Luther was at the height of his struggles with the Roman Church, someone asked him what he would do if the princes and their supporters deserted him. “Where will you be then, Martin?” he was asked. The bold reformer replied, “I will be where I have always been, in the hands of God.”  

My hope isn’t found in things, concerts, non profits, or man. My hope is found in Christ alone. The God who not only hears my heart, sees my pain, but responds to me with Grace, love and an affirming touch.  

Have you ever felt like Satan was out to get you?   

Did you ever stop to wonder why?   

Where do you place your life, your needs, your hurts and your hopes?   

Do you place them in food (like I can), alcohol, work, relationships, yourself?   

Or do you place them in Christ Alone, the author and protector of our faith.  

What if the pastor doesn’t like me? Can I still join?

Deana5 Comments

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Mark 10:14

 

I am a member today of a Lutheran Church in Oklahoma, very much a Christian and very much forgiven and beloved of God, but you know I didn’t always belong to a church.

Confession: I used to believe if the pastor didn’t like me, he (or she) wouldn’t let me belong to their church.

For you life long, church going, Christians out there, that probably comes as a shock. Shock or not, I really did believe that and acted accordingly. This false belief creates a serious dilemma. I want to be part of a faith community and this one man (or woman depending) stands (I believe) as a spokesperson for God; I’m going to have to perform and dance and lie through my teeth if I want to stay here. Not much different really than what I believed about God back then but I am ahead of myself.

My desire to belong mixed with the possibility of rejection, created a fear within me that was so strong that the presence of a pastor made my body shake.  And if they were wearing a death suit? (Black shirt and collar) I would hyperventilate. Nice hunh? yeah, I was a mess and a half. They call that idolatry – placing things or people in higher regard than God, but I didn’t know that. I just thought those were the rules. You are either in or you are out.

I used to try and hide my shaking by placing my right hand on the wall and my left hand on my hip. But then my knees would start to give and ….

To put it another way, my attempts to keep from falling off the planet, made me look like Mae West.

My physical shaking did not stop until about six years ago when I buried ten friends in twelve months. I was so devastated by my personal losses that I no longer cared if any of them liked me or not. They could all hang from a tree as far as I was concerned and like me or hate me I was here for the duration. I sat in church and cried for weeks on end, hanging on – not to their words, but to God himself.

Some faith communities require believing before belonging. Others allow a person to belong long before they really believe. Thankfully for me, by God’s Grace, we found such a community in Oklahoma.

Trinity Lutheran Church in Busted Stick Oklahoma is the very first church I ever belonged to in my entire life. Our family joined Trinity in 1993.  It was a strange set of circumstances that brought us there really. 1. My husband was raised Lutheran, therefore… 2. It was within walking distance from our house. 3. I was a young stay at home mom in a new town, thousands of miles from my old friends. I needed other women to be around and they had young mom’s there.

Not one of those logical to me reasons included my believing what they believed. I just needed to belong somewhere. I was lonely. I’m also ahead of my story here.

When I was a young girl, I tried to join churches. I would visit my grandmother in Buffalo NY and take the bus to this beautiful cathedral and just sit in awe. Back home in Michigan, I would attend festivals and youth group things at local churches and would secretly wish for more. Even though I didn’t belong to a faith community, and I didn’t know all of the fancy prayers those churches had, I knew God and I believed I knew him well and knew that he knew me.  We were best buds growing up. He was the one adult I could always talk to — and he’d listen. I liked that about him.

One day (1978) I went with my neighbors to hear Lisa Welchel (Blair from Fact’s of Life) speak at their church. There was something different about Lisa and while I didn’t understand it I knew it had something to do with Jesus and I wanted what she had. I went home that night and sat in my bed talking to God like I normally did. I told him about everything she said and how I wanted him to please – if it wasn’t too much to ask – do for me what he did for her.

(Edited to add: I had the awesome joy of meeting Lisa Welchel in 2008 when she spoke at E-Women in Tulsa. Lisa knows this story, is touched by it and allows me to share it. — I’m not name dropping here — Lisa was a teen just like me, I could relate to her and that is important)

That very week I walked to every church my little feet would carry me to and boldly sought out the pastors. Each time I’d tell them I want to learn about Jesus and could I join their church.  Every pastor said no.

The Lutheran Pastor said no.

The Catholic Priest said no.

The Baptist Pastor even said no.

My mom, who was seeking her own place to belong brought me with her to a community not far from town, asking if we could belong, and you know what? The Maharishi, said yes.

to be continued….