I wish I’d written them down. You know those things you wind up saying as a mom that you can’t believe you’ve ever said? Those really weird phrases that go beyond the momisms like “brush your teeth and sit up straight” to the realm of “wow, blue hair. Nice. Yes you can keep it for the summer.” And “no you cannot get your (fill in any body part except ears here) pierced – you’re 12!”

I’ve said a lot of things over the years I can’t repeat mainly because my boys trust me and they are too personal. (They save the really shocking and personal stuff for when Dad is out of town. I return the favor by being equally shocking, honest and personal back. It’s fun.)

There are also other times though that invoke a different type of communication from me. Some of this communication involves my screaming and scrambling behind my sofa (snakes in the house) and others bring out simpler questions like, “So are you trying to kill yourself or did you just want to give me a stroke?”

I have actually learned phrases like “Is there blood? No. Then you’ll live.” And so will I.

And yes, I’ve even said over the years – “Just how stupid do you think I am?”

Never ask a child that, they might tell you.

This weekend, I added two new phrases to my book of I cannot believe I said that statements.

1. “No, you cannot climb onto the roof to make your go-cart look like it’s flying away.”

and

2. “You cannot send a toad into outer space with helium balloons, let it go and use a GI Joe instead please.”

It’s all in a day’s work.

Speaking of a days work, Anita Renfroe (one of my favorite women of all time) put together a video clip of everything a mom might say in a day to music. Enjoy.