Early Morning Raccoons Can Make one Pentecostal



Not to make fun of the Pentecostal church, it is just that I have a baby raccoon on my back porch. Or at least I did before I baptized him – and everything else on my porch. You’ve heard of Baptism by Fire? well this was Baptism by Folgers. I was trying to protect my dogs who were just trying to protect their kibbles and bits. Note to self – Never, ever, open my back door while it is yet dark without turning a light on first. And use the restroom before letting your dogs out, or it can really get ugly.

Being surprised by wildlife at 5 am should in my groggy opinion, warrant the use of well, words preceded by “Holy.” That makes it okay right? I mean it’s kind of like following gossip with the phrase “bless her heart.” Down south, as long as you cap it with that, you are in the clear.

My dogs spotted our intruder feasting on kibble well before I did. They knocked me to the side when they bolted out the door. In my surprise, somewhere amidst the hissing, barking, growling, chasing, climbing screens (smart baby), and running came a string of phrases that would turn the ears of a teamster red I’m sure. I blessed everything from procreation to bodily functions, I questioned not only it’s legitimacy, but it’s mother’s temperment as well. And when I ran out of words, I simply uttered things intangible while I swung my broom at nothing.

This little bugger is not stupid. While they chased him to the doggie door, he jumped up onto the screen and watched them leave. He then jumped down to go back at their food. That’s when I baptized him with my coffee, grabbed a broom and started chanting. Out the door he went and back up the screen. It seems my border collie was laying in wait.

I finally got my dogs to come back in, sat down with a fresh cup of coffee to focus on my morning devotional and my friend came back AGAIN. I didn’t baptize him this time. It was then that I saw he was just a baby. He sat there for a little bit, looking at me with these incredible forlorn eyes. I felt sorry for him for a moment – looked him in the eyes and said “don’t even think about it.” and with that, he left.

My border collie is still sniffing the grounds looking for him. My regular collie – won’t use the doggie door now – she a bit on the prissy side, and it may take her a while to get over the fact that it’s been defiled. I had to let her out the regular screen door. But at least it is quiet again.

Oh yes, this is going to be a glorious day.

One thought on “Early Morning Raccoons Can Make one Pentecostal

  1. Hello

    Thank you for becoming a follower of Loose and Leafy. It’s encouraging to know people like it.

    I’d be interested to know how you came across it too.

    Best Wishes

    Lucy Corrander

    Like

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