Bang! Bang! Bang! Freeze!
Rattlesnakes it seems are not very bright.
They cannot tell the difference
between a woman who is angry
and
A woman who is frightened.
Angry women can be rational.
I met a rattlesnake the other day.
He was big and tall
with a puffed out chest
and a pair of overall jeans.
He pays no mind to whose land he is scavenging.
I am not totally sure it is mine.
But I’m certain it isn’t his.
This might be the land of the free
And the brave but
this scavenger is nothing more
than a bully in overalls.
And bullies aren’t brave.
They just take what they want
for free.
The lake we live on
over flowed her banks,
Leaving behind trees too large to lug
and too strong for a chainsaw.
Three days we spent
cutting,
dragging
sweating
and swearing under our breath.
The piles of wood
ready to burn
reach the sky.
I didn’t notice him until then.
This rattlesnake of a man.
He must have come from the rocks along the shore
or from beneath the wood
I’m not sure.
He lives across the lake
and has come for free drift wood.
I see him tearing apart our work
and ask him to leave.
He doesn’t stop to listen.
Instead, he puffs out his chest
and brushes right past me
dragging pieces to his trailer parked in my lawn.
I told him he could have whatever he wanted
if he worked for it or asked.
My words didn’t stop him.
Neither did my raised tone.
A rattlesnake is neither afraid
of a woman half his size.
Nor can he hear the difference
between angry and scared.
He has no idea how dangerous
A frightened woman can be.
Lucky for him
My husband does
and comes to save him
before
I shoot him.
Written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved. June 6, 2011.
Deana O'Hara - Speaker, Comedian, Writer 
Fun post, Deana! It first caught my eye because I recently was confronted by an angry rattling rattlesnake that I almost backed up and stepped on. A little twist on your experience!! 🙂 I was innocent, then scared, he warned me LOUDLY (a good thing) and I jumped away–and then he stopped rattling and hissing and puffing up and slithered away.
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WOW. now that would be scary. Real rattlesnakes… oh my gosh. yuck. Glad he didn’t strike. —
What prompted this poem was Jeff and I have been discussing whether or not I should get a carry licence. I think the consensus is no.. I’d be too much like a Rookie cop… bang bang bang Freeze kind of deal and my brain ran with that.
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That is GREAT! Love it!
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Thanks Rena. I’m glad you saw the funny in this. I was afraid people would think I’d really shoot a man over wood. The guy stopped taking wood once Jeff came down. And truth is, he could have taken all he wanted — IF he’d been there to help while we were cleaning it all to begin with – or if he’d simply asked. The rule in the cove is everyone takes care of their own water front – even though it’s owned by the Grand River Dam Authority and not us. That’s a lot of work. Our neighbors know who he is and once the men in the cove heard that he wouldn’t listen and kept brushing past me — I don’t think I’ll be seeing much of him again. LOL We all had a fun time joking about the dangers of frightened women, which is what prompted the poem. Glad you liked it.
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