Waking up to stomach pains that rivaled my labor pains all those years ago is not pleasant. Spending the night in the emergency room hoping the pain would go away is not how I wanted to start this month. They checked me for everything under the sun, Hepatitis, Kidney Stones, Blockages, Cardiac Enzymes, Appendicitis and more I’m sure. In the end, they came up rather empty, gave me morphine and sent me home. The best they could tell me was I had some inflamed diverticuli and to call my primary care doctor.
They were so sure I was “fine” the nurses let me unhook myself from the heart monitor before kicking me to the curb. I do have to laugh at that.
This is why I’ve been silent. I’m just not feeling well. And I’m afraid to eat.
I’m okay mind you. At least in the I’m not going to die anytime soon meaning of “ok.” I’m just annoyed really that my body is revolting like this.
While living on non seed bearing anything, low acid fruit, Greek yogurt, goat milk and purple potatoes for the past few days, I’m researching the snot out of my symptoms hoping to find some answers.
I’m also preparing for a show this Saturday. I’m performing in a comedy review in Yukon Oklahoma with five other comics on October 8. I’m nervous and excited all at once.
I’ve been refining my set of stories and jokes for a couple of years now and I really like this particular set. It’s tried out, edited, retried, and edited some more. I cannot count the hours it takes just to perfect 10 minutes. It’s crazy fun though. If I pass the first round, I get to perform 15 minutes in round 2. All of it is clean (PG) comedy. No swearing. No Sex. No Drugs. And most importantly, it’s funny! I like it.
Of course that means I have to leave my gynecologist jokes at the door. Bummer. Those work in clubs and other open mic nights, but not for a family crowd. “Vagina” it seems, is not a family friendly term. The fact that I can say it aloud without blushing like crazy took HOURS of practice. Of course getting my husband to say that word out loud — fuggetaboutit. I’m amazed we had children.
I’ll be back next week y’all. I promise.