“Ma’am, are you sure your car was stolen?”

In my brain: (Slaps wrist on forehead) – “What? Oh that’s right, I don’t own a car. I live in the middle of nowhere where our mass transit is so wonderful, I take the train to work.” — Wait… we don’t HAVE a train… Or a Bus.. Or any kind of mass transit,  because I live in the middle of freakin NOWHERE.”

“yes, I’m sure my car was stolen.”

“Are you sure.”

Brain:”NO. I’m not sure. I’m delusional and I always fall down crying in the middle of my driveway while wearing a nighty just so I can meet intelligent men in uniform at 5 am. It’s how I pick up guys.”

“Is it possible it was repossessed?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

Brain: I’m gonna slap you stupid if you say that one more time!

“Yes, officer I am sure.”

“Sir.” –– He’s done talking to me and now wants to address my husband. “How much did you owe on the car?’

“We didn’t owe anything on the car.”

“Are you sure?”

“seriously?”

“Well it could have been repossessed.”

“No it couldn’t. We don’t owe anything on the car.”

“Why not?”

“Because car dealers don’t typically give out ten-year car loans.”

“When did you pay it off?”

“We never paid it off. We paid cash.”

“Are you sure? Nobody pays cash for cars.” — Translating to “you are now on the FBI watch list.” (send in the drones!)

Husband goes inside comes back with title showing we own the car outright.

“Oh, well it appears your car was stolen.”

YOU THINK? Give the man a prize!

You know the economy is bad when you can’t even file a theft report.

You think that’s bad. My insurance company did the same thing. “are you sure your car was stolen? Maybe it was just repossessed.”

SIGH. Here we go again.

 

UPDATE July 17 — my car was reported found at 6:00 pm. We picked it up — yay! It’s a mess, and out of gas and my electronics are all missing. BUT I have my car. The police officer said this is the first time in his career that he found a stolen car that was not damaged. How cool it that?