Seen on Facebook. Per Awkward Family photos: “My mother is a gynecologist and also into Christmas crafts.” All I can say is this is one craft idea that probably won’t make it to Pinterest. And yes, those reindeer are made out of what you think they are.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
I am thankful for my struggle, because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.
What are you thankful for today?
I’m fake.
Not all the time.
Just some of the time.
Mostly, I’m fake about my anger.
If you’ve ever seen those flashbacks on TV or the movies where someone flashes a mental picture of them hurling said irritant out the window and then you come back and see calm composure – that would be me. When I’m mad my insides explode and my outside get’s calmer. Dead almost. Or I just get a goofy ass grin and go blonde. Either way.
There is a part of me that truly envies women who can express anger openly. I wasn’t raised to do that, so for me it is very foreign.
Truth is, I have a horrific temper, I just don’t allow myself to express it, even in healthy ways like saying “I’m really angry right now, let me cool off and get back to you.” — I never get back. Most of the time, I rarely even let on that I’m mad.
I actually fired someone years ago over anger/hurt feelings and they have no idea I fired them.
I can still remember the trigger and the rage. I wasn’t just mad by what happened, I was deeply hurt and I wanted to inflict bodily harm. I wanted to create a scene. I remember visualizing bodily harm and a multitude of cuss words, throwing things (I cannot tell you how badly I wanted to throw something at that man’s head) and in your face so theres.
I didn’t do any of that. I left with a goofy smile and see you tomorrow, and I just never came back.
Well that’s partly true anyway. Once i cooled off I went back to talk, but they weren’t available, and they stayed unavailable. Guess they have the same issues.. avoidance. It’s just as well really – if I can’t be honest, maybe we shouldn’t be doing business together. Or be friends.
The kind of anger that is triggered during those moments usually involve personal shame, history and fear and I really do want to lash out with emotional violence. Not doing that is healthy, not addressing that at all however, is not.
To this day this man has NO idea how deeply hurt I was by his words – or by the fact he had someone on speaker phone when he said them and I knew it. I just avoid his area of business and his circles.
I live in a small town ya’ll. Reckoning day will eventually arrive. Not just for that relationship, but the countless others in my past that have fallen by the way side because of unresolved and unaddressed feelings. Anger or otherwise.
I’m not alone either.
I once polled my Facebook tribe and asked “What would you do if fear was not an issue.” I got the typical responses like skydiving, comedy, write a book, but then one response stood out.
“I’d give myself permission to express my anger.”
WOW.
That came from someone I admire a whole lot and it hit me square between the eyes.
I’m not alone.
I’m not the only person who plays dumb in the face of anger because I’m afraid.
Anger is one emotion I’m very familiar with but really struggle with expressing. I’d rather stuff it, deal with it in private (my shower or journal) and leave you out of it than risk vulnerability, embarrassment, physical harm, shame or worse – abandonment. I never had permission to express anger growing up or as an adult with some extended family members. It was always a get over it or leave kind of environment. Avoidance is the motto and key to getting along. Stuff it and smile.
Or how did Miranda put it? Oh yeah, “Hide your crazy and start acting like a lady.”
I’ve only met a few men (or women for that matter) in my life that I trust enough to go toe to toe with. One of them happened to be on our church plant team years ago – oh man it was awesome. There was no fear of abandonment, physical harm or shame. He knew how to fight and I enjoyed the freedom of being able to do that with him. Neither of us took offense, and neither of us liked to lose which was a problem. So we dropped the ball.
It wasn’t a healthy expression of anger, but it was refreshing to know that I can express my personal anger full on and be taken seriously, not have it held against me, and move on. Somewhere in all of this is balance.
Wish I had an “in conclusion” to give here – with some great sage words of wisdom about speaker/listener technique or “I feel statements” but I really don’t right now. Yes, all of that is good, but when I’m blindsided by anger I still struggle. Maybe for me a good baby step is learning words like “ouch” and “I don’t know how to take that.” and start from there.
Have a great day peeps.
Don’t forget to breathe.
I do try to be honest with you guys. As much as I’d like to say I have I have it all together, I don’t always. Yesterday was such a day. Yesterday, I wanted to yell and scream and throw things. I didn’t. But I wanted to.
And yet I know, His mercies are new each morning. Praying for a better today.
Have you ever had one of those days when you wished “good aim” was a fruit of the spirit?
Have I had the summer. I’ll write about it later. Death, near death, bed bugs, airplane fires and rats Oh my. I’ll write more when I have full Internet access. In the mean time a banjo joke for you.
Each life needs it’s own quiet place. — unknown
No one expects their parents to change when they leave for college.
Now I am sure my rant here doesn’t apply to you my dear readers. You guys are cool. But have you ever just wanted to grab someone by the collar and shake some sense into them? I do. Every time I open up Facebook or Twitter.
I spend a lot of time banging my head on the table. Really I do. Why? Because nobody cares about what is real or what is the truth. They want what sells. People want outrage. Humiliation. Self-Righteousness. Victimization. Nothing more. Nothing less. Who gives a damn about truth?
No one.
There are really horrible things going on in the world right now that is true.
Dead Lions.
Allegations of Black Market Baby Parts
Dead Marines.
I’m not discounting any of that.
The world has gone crazy for sure.
What kills me though – is the growing propaganda around all of it.
There is no such thing as true journalism any more. Today’s American press doesn’t report the news. They create it. And we feed off it like starving infants. It’s nuts.
Who cares if the stories are true or not.
We need our fix.
We need to feel involved, like we’re a part of the grand scheme of things.
Sure send that meme.
Ban that flag, OR wave that flag in the Presidents face when he visits in protest. (Thank you Oklahoma for yet again embarrassing us in front of the whole freakin world). Who cares?
Share that bogus story about that cheating woman or guy who didn’t really throw a dog out the window while driving his pickup. Share the names and addresses of the gay couple you refuse to bake a cake for so that your friends can send them death threats and then cry foul when they press charges and tell the whole world what victims you are.
Share the home address of the dentist/trophy hunter why don’t you? I’m sure that’ll teach him. — Granted doing something so stupid in this day an age and expect to keep your business open… the guys is a bit of a moron. Oh and while we’re outraged, let’s go after ALL hunters…
Do you know a friend of mine who hunts deer was told by someone on FB that she should be hunted and killed for sport? What the freakin heck is wrong with people?
Compare Planned Parenthood (Yes the videos are horrific. Equally horrific is the propaganda surrounding it. Claims dropped, no matter… keep spreading lies.) to a dead lion, or the marines that lost their lives in Chattanooga, and the confederate flag. Yes, all these things are horrible. Not discounting that. But to compare them on Facebook to see which is more horrible? No… let’s not do that.
Or go ahead, keep getting outraged because someone speaks out about a cause that is not your own and somehow that invalidates you.
Trash that politician,
Send that Tweet.
Who cares if none of it’s true.
Let’s have a trial by Facebook and Twitter for all of humanity. What they hell, let’s just chuck the whole constitution. Why not? Most of us really only like the parts that apply to ourselves anyways. Equal rights for all? PAH! Who needs that so long as my rights are fulfilled.
Not being famous enough to have an opinion on anything beyond what flavor ice cream I like, my head wants to explode some days. Yes I’ve been told that. Many of us “not famous enough yet”‘s keep our mouths shut about a lot of things. Until we get together anyway and then it’s all, “Can you believe this crap?” How are people buying it?
My opinions:
The flag stays. It has historical significance. Waving it in the presidents face however was racially motivated and repugnant.
The PP story was pure BS.. they were investigated, they are not selling baby parts. (Not an opinion, just fact). The news story was pure propaganda. Support them, don’t support them. irrelevant to the fact that they were investigated and are not breaking the law.
The young man who saved his fellow marines in Chattanooga by taking out the shooter deserves a medal, not a Court Marshall. Do what’s right America.
The Dentist… should be charged. Not extradited, but charged. He deserves to lose his business. He did not deserve to have his home addy shared with the world and his family put in danger. That was ridiculous.
My hunting friends, (Why yes Virginia we do hunt in Oklahoma), do not deserve death threats.
Innocent people are cyber bullied every day because truth and common decency no longer matter in this country.
Why is it… truth doesn’t matter?
Are we that bored with our own lives?
Can we please just get a grip America?
Alright Peeps, I’ve got great news. I am going to be at The Comedy Parlor in Tulsa, (328 E 1st St, Tulsa, OK 74120) THIS Saturday, May 16 for their 8:00 pm Clean Comedy Show. I will be sharing the stage with other great local talent, CR Parsons Comedian, Mike Modlin, and Thomas King. This is going to be a lot of fun. Tickets are only $10 for the show, and you can get them here: ORDER TICKETS or at the door.
So while you are down town for MayFest and The Blue Dome Arts Festival, some on by and see our show. It’s going to be a blast.
Comedy appropriate for ages 13 and up.
Deana O'Hara - Speaker, Comedian, Writer 