Category: Redemption’s Heart – pieces of my story

Her husband can trust her… She brings him good not harm all the days of her life

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Prov 31:10-12

10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

She is more precious than rubies.

11 Her husband can trust her,

and she will greatly enrich his life.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

Being married to a worship leader can be a lot of fun. I love listening to Jeff play, practice, and write. His heart for God deepens mine and brings me joy, most of the time. Other days, I’m not quite that spiritual.

I do not share his gifts for music, and there are times when I feel a bit jealous for his abilities to lead worship, write and sing with passion like he does. And there are times where I’m not always understanding of the time commitment that sort of dedicated life requires. Lacking understanding does not a motive make. I’m just saying that now.

Housework is not my strong suit. I’m more of an Erma Bombeck than a Martha Stewart. I hate housework and am convinced that my grandmothers white glove approach to cleaning wiped out all domestic genes in my body. There is only so much bleach water a body can stand and besides, I’m not really that good at it in my opinion. But that doesn’t keep me from trying and doing my best.

We have a room in our house dedicated to music. It’s full of guitars, a keyboard, drums, sound board etc.. this is a “musician’s only room please.” kind of room. And even though I do pick up the Gibson from time to time (I’m trying to learn how to play) I pretty much stay out of it.

Until today.

Today, I decided that it would be nice if I cleaned it up for him while he is away at a conference in Michigan. It was a nice thought, I meant well, really. So, I pulled everything off the bookcases, dusted and oiled all the wood. Cleaned the windows and blinds, swept the floor, carefully dusted all of the equipment – using a feather duster so as not to scratch anything and as I was about to leave the room I decided to check the fireplace.

I should have left the room. Instead I looked inside to see left over soot from last winter. How hard can it be to clean that up? So I pulled out my Kenmore vacuum cleaner and cleaned away.

I learned somethings today.

If you are going to vacuum out a fireplace keep an eye on what is going on behind you.
A hepa filter can only work so well.
Kenmore vacuum cleaners don’t like soot.
Freshly dusted musical instruments are soot magnets.

I’m pondering some things now.
1. Why did I dust before I cleaned the fireplace ?
2. Is my life insurance up to date?
3. Does anyone know how to get soot out of a Taylor guitar?

So, trust I’m not so sure. Ditto good. I am however pretty sure I enrich his life … I’m just not sure how.

Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.

The Art of Giving and Receiving

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Acts 20:35
In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’


I’m in a place right now where I’m really looking at giving and receiving. Not in martyred or co-dependant and manipulative ways. But rather, I’m looking at balance between the two. Being a caretaker who insists on pulling myself up via my own bootstraps continually, I’m learning how to bring balance to my daily life.

Giving based on a need to win approval or loyalty – is manipulative control. Or the kind of giving where the above scripture verse is taken completely out of context – it becomes martyred and tired. I say that because those who give without receiving are still controlling people, places, and things. It’s unhealthy. You know what I mean, I’ll do this if you do that, or the “I give and I give and I give (Superglue wrist to forehead for effect) and THIS is the thanks I get?”

Giving – is healthy when done without expectations. It’s also healthy when it’s balanced by receiving.

Receiving, I’m learning can be healthy too. We don’t always like it, do we? Some people might, but I don’t. When I’m receiving, I feel in debt to the giver and I don’t like feeling indebted. I don’t receive well. I have a hard time receiving gifts, compliments, even friendship. I’m much more comfortable on the giver’s platform. I’m much more comfortable when I’m in control. It’s about balance.

We can’t always be the givers and we can’t always be the receivers, especially in relationships. We need to take turns doing both.

I got a taste of what that looked like last summer and I decided I needed to learn how to receive better than I presently do. A friend of mine had their house broken into. All of her jewelry, money, and mementos from her deceased mother were stolen. They even stole her perfume. She felt emotionally violated, and I’ll dare say “raped” at least on some level. Her safe haven (home) was no longer safe. A stranger was in her bedroom. A stranger touched her things. Intimate things, private things, and their ghost stained her spirit for a long time. Emotional rape, to women, can be just as bad as the physical kind. It takes a long time to heal from something like that.

I know exactly how she felt. My house had been robbed as a child. It’s frightening. It’s violating. While I couldn’t replace what was stolen, or her piece of mind, I could do something nice. So I did. I bought her a bottle of her favorite perfume and gave it to her before church.

My gift to her was the perfume. I was the giver. And she was the receiver. Upon receiving the perfume, we immediately switched roles. She gave me her excitement, happiness and joy. And I received it. Right up until her husband took it away. Not the perfume, but her joy. Seeing her excitement, he publicly chastised her, telling her that “it’s more blessed to give than to receive.” And she shut down. He robbed her, and me of the flow of life. We were giving and receiving from each other in a healthy and positive way.

His criticism of her joy, stopped the flow and ruined the moment. I wanted to give him something right then and there too. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. But I didn’t. I’m a coward when it comes to conflict. I give praise, and stuff criticism down my own throat rather than someone else’s. And I received the wrong message – I received his message that well, receiving is wrong. I also sent him the wrong message, or the right one, depending on how you see it. I sent a truthful message anyway. By shutting down, I communicated distrust. By withholding my disagreement, I missed out on sharing my true heart. We both had a chance to give and receive and build a relationship of honesty and we blew it.

What I’ve decided this year is that HE is wrong. It is blessed to do both. To consciously choose to be one or the other only is unhealthy. It contaminates the well. There’s no flow of fresh air in this kind of one-sided living.
God is a giver of great gifts. He gives unmerited and undeserved favor on a daily basis. If all I focus on is giving whether it’s to him or others I deny others the joy of my receiving.

I’m a lot like my friend. I don’t receive well. This is a season where I get to learn and consciously recognize when I’m giving and when I’m receiving. That might sound odd to people who don’t struggle with this issue, but I do struggle and because of that, I need to learn how to be still and do both.

In my garden, for example, I give time, water, nutrients and care to my plants. If I don’t take time to receive the beauty that comes as a result of that, I’ll miss out on joy. In receiving beauty I receive my own kind of nourishment. I need to be still and open in order for that gift (which is really from God if you think about it.) to fill my soul. It’s about letting go of control and like the story below, it keeps the water living and my life renewable.
——————————————————————————–
Barton wrote this short piece, “There are Two Seas” for McCall’s in 1928. John D. Rockefeller used it as a parable in his speech for a United Fund campaign. It was also reprinted in the Reader’s Digest in 1946.

There Are Two Seas by Bruce Barton

There are two seas in Palestine.
One is fresh, and fish are in it.
Splashes of green adorn its banks.
Trees spread their branches over it
and stretch out their thirsty roots to sip of its healing waters.
Along its shores the children play as children played when He was there.
He loved it. He could look across its silver surface when He spoke His parables.
And on a rolling plain not far away He fed five thousand people.
The river Jordan makes this sea with sparkling water from the hills.
So it laughs in the sunshine.
And men build their houses near to it, and birds their nests;
and every kind of life is happier because it is there.
The river Jordan flows on south into another sea.
Here no splash of fish, no fluttering of leaf,
no song of birds, no children’s laughter.
Travelers choose another route, unless on urgent business.
The air hangs heavy above its water, and neither man nor beast nor fowl will drink.
What makes this mighty difference in these neighbor seas?
Not the river Jordan. It empties the same good water into both.
Not the soil in which they lie; not the country round about.
This is the difference.
The Sea of Galilee receives but does not keep the Jordan.
For every drop that flows into it another drop flows out.
The giving and receiving go on in equal measure.
The other sea is shrewder, hoarding its income jealously.
It will not be tempted into any generous impulse. Every drop it gets, it keeps.
The Sea of Galilee gives and lives.
The other sea gives nothing. It is named The Dead.

There are two kinds of people in the world.
There are two seas in Palestine.

—————–

Giving and Receiving are choices that are made not day by day, but moment by moment.

My Friend Doesn’t Believe in Hell… is She Still a Christian?

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Just so you know, I’m no theologian. I am in fact a very simple minded woman. With a simple faith. I am a Christian because Christ died for me. No more, no less. I forget that sometimes and get hung up on fruits of faith.

Here’s a question that has come up not once, but three times in the past two weeks. What is a Christian exactly?

First via a friend who’s being attacked for her political views and being accused of being Anti-Christian. Half my friends support Obama – I’m on the fence sifting through the media garbage looking for facts instead of sound bites. But I’m still a Christian, and so is she.

The second came via my son who is part of the planning committee for Journey in January – a high school retreat at Camp. The camp leader asked them “What is a Christian” and these kids listed a bunch of characteristics that describe a Christian (Evidence of Faith really) but apparently did not answer his question. He looked over their list and said “If that’s a Christian, than I’m not a Christian.” This totally confused my son because he insists every attribute on that board fit that man. What was he looking for? My son has until Sunday to figure that out.

And three – I have a Lutheran friend who does not believe in hell. And you know, that kinda freaked me out. I understand now that the no such thing as hell thinking isn’t new, and that a lot of Christians really do believe that even if their church or denomination doesn’t. I momentarily climbed up on my deer stand and wanted to take aim, because I think if you don’t believe in hell (which was created for Satan originally) than why do you believe Jesus died, from what did he save us… and spiral just goes down from there. But then I remembered some things.

Mainly, I remember sitting in my car with a speaker I was hostessing last year as she offered a spontaneous prayer “Dear Lord, forgive us when we gag on a gnat and call it a camel.” We were talking about how I love the fact that LCMS Lutherans believe that the Bible is the complete and inerrant word of God as opposed to a piece of literature subjective to the days and times it was written. I went on to add that I believe it to be alive and active, a present active participle kind of word, true yesterday, today and tomorrow. It was then she said that prayer.

I didn’t ask why she prayed that or what gnat was being gagged on and by whom. I was afraid to. I wanted her to like me and if she didn‘t, well I just did not want to know. It could have been me, the fact that I am LCMS Lutheran (there are people who believe we are not Christian btw..) or the fact that I smoke, or it was simply a reaction to my sharing about the splits in the Lutheran Church Who knows. As for liking me? I was worried for nothing. She has such a mothering spirit that I wanted to crawl into her lap by time the weekend was over. I wish she lived nearby. But God knows me. I tend to make idols of out mentors and to keep me from doing that, he only offers them seasonally – keeping me ever needy and focused on Him alone. That is for my benefit – believe me.

Some people gags on gnats, I climb up on deer stands. Different thing, but yet the same. Both lack love and yet love keeps finding us.

Truth remains no matter what. And truth can be shocking. A Christian is saved by Grace through faith, Justified by the Blood of Christ and Sanctified by the Holy Spirit. Salvation, Justification and Sanctification. Those are the things that make a Christian.

There are things about me that choke other people … things that are strong holds for others when they look at me and may have been for Mama T, I don’t know.

I’m hyper and tend to be passionate about weird things. And yet, passion is a gift from God.

I smoke. I’m trying to quit, but I still do it nonetheless. Smoking will not keep me out of heaven – it will however quell the Holy Spirit, hurt my testimony and get me to heaven more quickly than I might be ready for.

I was born in a home for unwed mothers, given up for adoption and retrieved from my foster home by my grandparents. – Truth – I may have started out illegitimate, unloved, and abandoned, but in Christ? – I am adopted, cherished and redeemed. His blood gave me my papers so to speak.

I have deer stand issues as well – things I look at and gag over.. Things I won’t bore you with because frankly they are just judgmental issues that show you how shallow and unloving I can be.

The truth is, you can be a Christian and not believe the Bible is inerrant, you can be a Christian and have differing political views, you can be a Christian and not believe in hell. A Christian is a sinner whose been forgiven by God, through the blood of Christ. There are no tic marks on God’s wall, because his blood covers them all, past, present, and future.

His blood covers the gnats, camels, and deer stands as well. His blood covers you and it covers me. That’s a good thing, because even though I’m a Christian, I mess up a lot. I blow my witness. My actions sometimes deny Christ, I run on my own steam until I drop, I forget to pray, I throw pity parties complete with balloons and streamers and invite the world along, and in the end, I come running to Him, on my knees, yet face up, so that his blood hits my heart. And he speaks to my heart, and loves me still. How cool is that?

post thought – please don’t misunderstand me here. I am not speaking of inclusion theology. Jesus made it perfectly clear, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one shall come to the father except through me.” This is most certainly true.

My Tower, His Power and Strength

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When was the last time you ran to Christ? Was this morning in prayer? Last night? Last week? Last year? When was the last time you felt his strength, love, or peace? Is the Name of the Lord Your strong tower?

There was a time, when I felt so lost and so alone, that I would run the mile and half from my house to my church and climb to the top of the slide tower at night. Breathless I would sit and be still in the only thing that gave me peace. The presence of God.

The parking lot was dark and the church was locked. I wanted God and this was as close as I knew how to come at the time. From my retreat tower I could see both my church and my pastor’s house. They lived in the parsonage next door back then. I always stayed in the tower and never knocked on either door.

If people knew what I was doing on those lonely and scary nights, they never let on. Which is a good thing I think. Because back then, if people had known exactly how scared and how out-of-place I truly felt, I don’t know how I would have reacted. I might have been too embarrassed to come back.

My first year in church as an adult was a year of uncertainty, hidden-ness and change. I was afraid of people, afraid of my self, and mostly afraid of God. I still thought God could only be found in the concrete and stone structure sitting at the end of that parking lot. I certainly didn’t feel him anywhere else and on days where I longed to be near him, I literally ran to him – or to at least the place I felt him last, my church.

It all sounds kind of silly now – running to a playground slide tower in the dark of night hoping to find God. But is it really? The Spirit knows what the mind cannot comprehend. Out of absolute broken need, I was led to a physical tower, nurtured and comforted there by God, until I learned what Scripture says in Proverbs 18:10. “The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”

Honestly, I didn’t know that passages then. I only knew that I was weary and heavy of heart. I needed safety, I needed rest. So, I came, I ran, I drew as near as I possibly could under the cover of darkness. Out of breath, hurting, and needing more than I even knew, I sought Him with everything I had and I didn’t realize the symbolism behind my actions. Somewhere in the stillness of the night, in my playground tower, his banner of love covered me in all my sadness, fears, insecurities and sins and gave me peace. He became my refuge, my strong tower against the foe. (Psalm 61:3) I ran to Him, and I was safe.

As I’ve grown in Him, I seem to have developed a me do it kind of attitude. Ever been there? I’ll take care of it God. Thanks anyway. I wonder what he thinks about that? In some ways today, in all of my knowledge and growth in Christ, I think I’ve forgotten how to be that young desperate women, hungry for God – literally running to HIM, to his tower, for strength and safety. I can’t help but wonder if he doesn’t miss her like I do. I no longer live a mile from my church, and besides the swing set with the tower is long gone. But that doesn’t mean I can’t run to him. He isn’t in the brick and mortar – or in the wind and waves of life. He is in you and in me through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. We need only to call out his name – and know that we are safe.

Father God – Thank you for that young women, lost confused, and alone – who desperately sought you out in the only tower she knew to find. Thank you Lord for meeting me there. Forgive me for those times I’ve traded that tower for ones of my own making, and forget to run to you when darkness falls. Your name is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe. You are my strength and my refuge – and you Lord know my name. Amen.

Written by Deana O’Hara, 2008 For Redemption’s Heart.

Are you a HopeLifter, or a Hope Crusher?

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I just got back from the most incredible week I’ve had in a long time. For those who don’t know, I took a huge personal risk and went to Grand Rapids Michigan for a speaker’s workshop called Speak Up With Confidence. This class was led in large part by Carol Kent – with a lot of help from her friends let me tell you.

Carol has been teaching this class for about 25 years now. SpeakUP is geared towards enabling and equipping ministry leaders with the skills needed for teaching, speaking, and witnessing Christ with confidence and clarity.

With the loss of my mentors several years back (through geographical moves or death) I have felt lost and a bit alone. I’ve been praying for a learning opportunity like this for the past five years. Once there, I caught myself wondering why God waited until this year to let me know about it. And then it hit me, God waited because this was the first year I was ready for it. I was scared as it was and it took constant prayer just to get me on the plane. Once there I still battled with my own insecurities and fears.

I learned far more than I can blog about today, but I did learn one thing that I do want to write about. Hopelifting. I want to know, am I a HopeLifter or a Hope Crusher? Not only for others, but for myself as well.

The team at SpeakUP is very affirming and gives constructive guidance and feedback. I struggled at times with my own myopic mirror of self doubt and the ability to look around me and encourage others. I love giving encouragment – and I learned that I don’t always know how to receive it.

Throughout the week, I was given affirmations by the leaders at just the right times. One leader called me “beautiful” not once, but twice. Someone else told me she thought I had the friendliest face. Carol wrote after my five minute evaluation “Excellent Communication Skills, very warm and connects with the audience.” and then went on to ask me if I was a teacher. I did internal backflips over that one, let me tell you. To be affirmed by a woman I admire (even if we don’t really know eachother) meant the world.

I’m keeping those evaluation forms in my smile box – I know there will come a day when I’ll need that emotional boost and I can pull them out and read them for a pick me up.

I have a question here – if you do not have someone in your life who is affirming you in healthy and positive ways, can you commit to being that for yourself? I can be my own worst enemy to be honest – I’m known for being verbally and spiritually abusive to myself – “Well that was stupid.” and “I’m such a dork” yes I say those things pretty regularly – I’ve committed to learning how to be that affirming voice for myself – will you join me in that?

I returned on Sunday just in time for a voters meeting at church – still on cloud 9 from this workshop I invited the ENTIRE congregation to SpeakUP. My aim is to bring at least five people back with me next year. People who are ready to take that next step in ministry and step out in faith for Christ.

Voter’s meetings are well, voters meetings what can I say. Being part of a church plant that isn’t always enthusiastically embraced by our congregation is a challenge. We have a couple who openly oppose what we are trying to do and find ways to speak out against it when ever they can.

After the meeting this gal and her husband sought out part of our team to pray with us, and told us all about the two mission churches they tried to start and how they failed. They were trying to be encouraging.. but the message they gave us was “well, we failed so we know that you will too.”

Fortunatley for us, we chose not to receive their words (and it is a choice), and simply thanked them for their time and concern and let them leave.

They are what I call hope crushers… people who are double minded in their caring and who focus their time on telling people why their ideas and dreams won’t work.

I try to avoid people like that.

What I want to do this week is look for opportunities to be a hopelifter in someones life – and watch my words with my own family. Am I being affirming in positive ways? Or am I transferring my past and fears onto someone else?

Do you want to join me? Listen to your words this week – are you lifting up others or smashing them down? Keep a journal and see. When you do see yourself smashing hope – call on Christ – confess it as sin (because that’s what it is) then repent – (turn around in your actions) make a plan to be more affirming – for yourself and for others, and ask for God’s help – he will help you.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I did not send them

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Jeremiah 29:11-12

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

The spiritual gift of prophesy is a sticky wicket to me. I’ve had people tell me at various times in my life that they “have a word” for me. Some ask if they can share it, others… well they just share away. This used to confuse me, until I learned to put things on a shelf and pray about them.

I have a very interesting gal in my life. She’s very pentecostal/charismatic. She prays loudly and uses a lot of words. Some people love to pray with her because she says great things, is “encourgaing” and “makes it feel like God Himself is present.”
I want to like her. But I’m not sure I do. I get my feelings hurt around her a lot, and I’m not sure why. I do know, that when I pray with her I feel hurt by her audacity. The most recent prayer that comes to mind, “Dear Lord please return love to this marriage.” – referring to my husband and I.

I found myself wondering, who told her love had left? And then I started questioning, “had it left and I just didn’t see it?” All I know is I don’t want to pray with her anymore.

I have another friend from Assembly of God and man can she pray too. When she and I pray together, she hears my heart. When I pray with her, I don’t get my feelings hurt and I don’t feel intimidated or overshadowed, rather I feel connected in Spirit with both her and God.

Something is different.

I took my concerns back to God and asked him why I felt the way I did. I wanted to know if maybe it was jealousy. I mean she adores my husband and says wonderful things when she prays over him.
That’s when he showed me another part of Jeremiah 29, this time verses 8 and 9.


“This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let your prophets and fortune-tellers who are with you in the land of Babylon trick you. Do not listen to their dreams, because they are telling you lies in my name. I have not sent them,” says the Lord.”
I love it when God answers my prayers and concerns like that. I can call a lie a lie when I see it, and I don’t have to receive every word that comes at me as if it comes from God, because it doesn’t always. And when it does, He’ll tell me that too.

Confident Beauty

Deana1 Comment

I haven’t been blogging here lately. It’s not that I haven’t been writing because I have. I’ve just been spending most of my writing time, somewhere else.

In promising myself, and Mamma T, to not be a parrot, I find myself blogging more about my feelings and thoughts and opinions these days. That’s not a bad thing really. It’s still awkard and strained for me. My thoughts and feelings in black and white trail off at times and my blogs seem like incomplete paragraphs and ideas. I am my own worst critic when it comes to that.

I just found out today that a friend of mine is no longer blogging. Sad really. I loved her blogs. She wasn’t super frequent in her writing, but when she wrote it was poetic. She always quoted these really cool authors, some I’d heard of like CS Lewis and other that I’d yet to discover. I feel especially bad in that her last blog was dated Feb 28 and well, I just read it today. Have I really been that far out of the loop? Apparently so. I’m going to miss that heart. I wonder what new things she plans on tackling. I bet they’ll be great.

As for me… my pole dancing blog on myspace (I’m against it btw) was an interesting hit of sorts. Over 50 readers in one day.

Our mission starts were on the news last night. I’m not thrilled with the angle they took, or the fact that my hair was a friz ball (I knew I should have curled it.). They opened with Jonathan talking about “And we wonder how a God who is loving and just could allow something like this to happen to us.” That quote was a good half way through his sermon on grief. Good heavens, that wasn’t what we were wondering at all.

The news made good in the end though – we were there to worship God no matter what, because after all stuff is just stuff.

Why do we worship God, even when bad things happen? Joyce Myers puts it well, “A confident woman knows that she is loved. She does not fear being unloved, because she knows first and foremost that God loves her unconditionally. To be whole and complete, we need to know that we are loved. Receiving the free gift of God’s unconditional love is the beginning of our healing, and the foundation for our new life in Christ.”

Being secure..
Our team – Ablaze Live, brought our trailer of gear to Lord of Life on Sunday, we set up, and we worshipped with them. Why?

Hebrews 12

Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our
Faith
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and(A) sin which clings so closely, and(B)
let us run(C) with endurance the race that is(D) set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,(E) who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising(F) the shame, and(G)
is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Added – 4/15 – Never did answer why… we worshipped together in unity as one team rather than two, because we are secure in God’s love for us. We look to Jesus as the author and protector of our faith and we found a way to lay down all that weighed us down (sorrow over the loss of stuff, competition between churches, hurt feelings over district approving and funding one over the other and whatnot) and we put our focus where is belonged. On God.

The LORD Calls Samuel

Deana2 Comments

The LORD Calls Samuel

The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions. One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of
the LORD, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, “Here I am.” And he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” So he went and lay down. Again the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” “My son,” Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD : The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him. The LORD called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’ ” So Samuel went and lay down in his place. The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.” And the LORD said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’ ”

Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the LORD. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision, but Eli called him and said, “Samuel, my son.” Samuel answered, “Here I am.” “What was it he said to you?” Eli asked. “Do not hide it from me. May God deal with you, be it ever so severely, if you hide from me anything he told you.” So Samuel told him everything, hiding nothing from him. Then Eli said, “He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes.” The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of his words fall to the ground. And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the LORD.


The LORD continued to appear at Shiloh, and there he revealed himself to Samuel
through his word.

I’m studying Samuel right now. It’s an interesting study, looking back at the Old Testament. It starts with Eli, and high priest and ends with King David. It’s all about leadership. I’m calling it the Good, the bad and the Ugly. I’m really more of a Jonah than a Samuel. I hate conflict, my face turns red, I look like I’m going to cry, and I sound angry when in reality, I’m just snotfaced scared and nothing more, especially if the person I’m disagreeing with, is someone I admire and whose approval means a lot to me.

If taking on the Characteristics of Samuel is what is required of being a leader, God and I have a lot of work to do.

Samuel is the son of Hannah. Hannah was barren and cried out to God with such passion and fever that Eli thought she was drunk. She wasn’t, but she was hurting. She wanted a baby, and she promised God if he gave her one, she’d dedicate him back to the Lord. He did and so did she. She gave her son, Samuel, to Eli to raise as a priest.

Samuel grows up, and Eli’s own sons do all kinds of things against God and even though Eli rebukes his own sons, they don’t listen so God eventually replaces Eli. Guess who’s job it is to tell him? Yep. Samuel. Poor kid – God speaks to him for the first time, and it’s a message to his mentor of “You blew it, and you’re being replaced, with me.” Yuck.

Can you imagine, being alone in your room and hearing God call out to you? God doesn’t do that to me, thankfully. If he did, I’d think I was crazy. God choses to speak to my heart through nature, people, and his Word. Even worse though with this young man Samuel, is God not only called out to him, he had a message that would force Samuel to confront his mentor. I for one think, if God wants to speak to me, that is be good news, rather than this. Couldn’t God have started out with a nice greeting? You know, something “Hey Samuel, how ya doing? I remember when your mother asked for you. She was so joyous when she had you.” Something simple and happy. But no, that’s not what God did. Which probably explains why God is God, and I am not.

But that’s not what God did.

God uses Samuel to deliver a lot of hard to hear messages. It’s Samuel that get’s replaced for a King (Saul), it’s Samuel that confronts Saul, and it’s Samuel that annoints King David when he’s still a shepherd.

Samuel gets to do a lot of unfun things. I don’t want to be a Samuel. I’m too much of a people pleaser for that. But still, I can learn a lot from Samuel.

  1. He told the truth in love
  2. He was more afraid of God than he was his mentors
  3. He never abandoned those he loved – including Isreal. Even after they replaced him with a King, he still stayed close by to pray for and support.

Neat kind of Guy Samuel.

I’m not there. I hide the truth through acquiescence more often than not, I’m more afraid of my mentors than I am God, I’d rather run away and leave, than stay and confront and work through.

I’m not Samuel, but I can learn from him.

Broken Limbs yes, Broken Life? No…

DeanaLeave a comment

Just a short blog really. Ton’s to write about, but little time at the moment. I’m too busy enjoying my kids and my husband during Christmas break.

I will write this: My day began with emails from some CCA people. (CCA is the Christian Comedy Association, with members like Chonda Pierce, Ken Davis, Nazarath, and other Christian speakers and artists too numerous to mention, all of us Christian.) It started with a word of encouragement from our President of CCA, followed by an Amen from one member. Another shared the wisdom of how important it is *not* to contract food poisoning while in Cambodia on New Years (his web page is ironically called throwingup.com – he’s a juggler) and then my next email following this chain was another exhortation for the new years.

Life’s up’s and downs in one chain. All I could do was look at those emails (from a few of my hero’s in the faith and industry) and consider myself blessed beyond measure, that God would allow me to be part of such an amazing group of speakers, comics, and evangelists.
2007 was a rough year for some of us, depression, cancer, epilepsy, ministry struggles, and what not. A friend lost her nephew to suicide last night, and another lost her husband this morning. More of life already unfolding. And yet “because of the Lord’s Great love, we know that we will not be consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. And no matter what this day brings, His faithfulness is great. (lam 3:22-33)

On the morning of the great Tulsa ice storm, I sat on my back porch with my coffee wrapped in a blanket, whining at God about the devastation taking place right before my eyes. Standing proud and presently unharmed was my maple tree. She was my lone tree. The only one left. So I started talking to her, much like an old friend. “You’re strong you know. Beautiful. This storm doesn’t mean anything. You are a Maple Tree. Created to last. Created to withstand harsh winters. Created to give fruit (maple syrup) to other’s. You are important. Hang in there.”
Great words of affirmation – even if it was for a tree. Then I started talking to God. Asking him to spare my last remaining tree. The one my kids climb. The one that is about 20 years old. No, it doesn’t look like much – but it’s my tree God. And then he whispered in my heart, “I am the vine, and you are the branches.”

Wasn’t that cool of God? Speaking to my heart in the storm. Reminding me of his faithfulness. Putting a scripture on my heart just when I needed it most. I snuggled down in my blanket with my cup of coffee in my hands for warmth, and felt for a moment, cozy and safe in His arms.

Then from out of nowhere, I hear this C-A-R-A-C-K!!!!

Down falls the biggest branch from my sad maple tree.

“Oh Thanks a lot God!, Great Visual! Here I am all happy to be part of your vine – YOU put that verse on my heart. It’s not like I made it up you know~! Yeah, I’m comforted.
With that, more branches fell.

This time, I hunkered back down in my blanket, not in secure warmth, but more like a childish pout. He could have left me like that, but he didn’t. Again I heard his whisper, “You don’t get it, do you? YOU’RE not that tree, and my vine? Nothing can snatch you away, no storm, no weight, no sin. Your name is carved into my hand, and you are mine.”

You don’t have to drive far to see how badly this last storm whiped out some of our greatest trees. It’ll be a long time before Tulsa looks the same. Our streets are lined with the debris, waiting for FEMA to pick it up. And yet, God’s word remains.

His mercies are new each day, “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 31-39

And in case someone hasn’t told you lately. “You’re strong you know. And when you’re not feeling so strong, remember that God is stronger. You are beautiful. This present storm in your life doesn’t mean anything. You might be pressed, but you will not be crushed by it’s weight. You are created to last. Created to withstand harsh winters and sweet summers. Created to bear fruit to other’s. You are important, to God and to me. Hang in there.”
Speak to the storms in your life, and most importantly speak to God.

God Bless you all in 2008
Deana

Musings

DeanaLeave a comment

It’s almost Christmas. I can’t believe how quickly time has passed us by. I changed blogs recently and in a clearing out of the old to make room for the new, I deleted my old posts. I wish I hadn’t done that. Sometimes I get overzealous in wanting to make room for the new things God has in store and I clear out too much.

I still have my stories, saved in a word file. Kept as my own scrapbook of random thoughts and wishes. I’m glad I at least did that, rather than throw the baby out with the proverbial bathwater. I need to know where I’ve been. It helps me see where I’m going sometimes. I have a built in forgetter, and my stories are really God’s story and if I don’t see them, I forget how far he’s brought me.

This has been a facinating week. If you missed the news, Tulsa had the worst ice storm in it’s history. I wasn’t prepared. We thought we were. Jeff and I went to the store and stocked up on food and supplies, believing the most inconvient thing this storm would bring would be rough travel. We were wrong.

We didn’t plan for a week long power outage. 264,000 homes and businesses were without power. I forgot, I have an electric stove. My supplies weren’t very useful. But that’s okay – I learned that I have a lot to learn when it comes to being ready. And even then – I have to trust God to provide for my gaps. And he always does. And boy did he ever.

I’m going to blog about that week for a while. Hopefully my pictures will turn out because I’m not sure I can truely paint this picture with words. Even if they don’t, I’ll try.

God’s Spirit spoke to us in amazing ways this week.

I had a blast with God in the darkness of my home. More so that I remember allowing in the light. Isn’t that so true to us? We don’t mean it to be. But we get busy – doing. And I, at least, get wrapped up in being a doer, and forget how to simply be.

I have teenagers and I spend as much time in my car as I do at home. There’s always someplace to be or something to do. I’m part of a missionary team. A church planter. A teacher. A songwriter, a singer, a mother, a wife. Doing it all to the glory of God – I hope, and yet I forget to spend face time with the lover of my soul, my creator and my sustainer. I get tired when I do that. The things that feed me (using my gifts), can quickly become the things that drain me, if I’m not careful.

So he pulled the lights for a week – maybe. He had my attention – kinda hard not too. I really didn’t have any distractions other than the cold.

And having a teachers heart, I’m going to write about his gifts in the days to come.