Living With Epilepsy: Baseball

It doesn’t matter that he’s never played before, neither has 3/4 of the team. It doesn’t even matter if the ball is coming at him at 70 miles per hour, he wants to catch. Turns out, he’s really good at catching. It doesn’t even matter that I have a thousand what if scenarios running through my head that put him in the hospital with my “I told you so’s” spilling out of my mouth. What matters is, he doesn’t want to be treated like a kid with a disability. He is a kid who wants to be a kid and unless I want to emotionally and spiritually cripple him with my own fears, I have to let him.
D has had epilepsy (ADNFLE) since he was six and is one of the bravest kids I know.
He’s fought epilepsy, (16 months seizure free and counting)

and he’s learning how to drive; standing behind a plate facing down 70 mph baseballs and runners twice his size ain’t nothin’ compared to that. So, I keep my what if’s to myself and let him be who he is, knowing that God doesn’t have grandchildren and that He holds my hands even when I’m watching my youngest play through my fingers in front of my face.
Written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved.
For more information about epilepsy please see The Epilepsy Foundation.
To help fund research and find a cure please see their Research Funding Challenge today.
Skywatch Friday: A Day Late
For more Skywatch photos, please see the Skywatch Web Sight.
We were celebrating Valentines Day as a family when my youngest stopped everything to point out the sunset. Our yard is positioned such that the sun always sets behind our one remaining tree — A very large and weather beaten Maple. The beauty of the sun shining through brokeness always speaks to my heart. Beauty speaks and thankfully we took the time to stop, notice, and receive her blessing.
Wordless Wednesday: Dreams of Summer
Scandalon: Susan Elaine Jenkins
Free book giveaway. One of my lucky readers will receive a free copy of the book Scandalon. Please be sure to leave a comment on this post for your chance to win.
SCANDALON: A Memoir
Running From Shame and Finding God’s Scandalous Love
Susan Elaine Jenkins has lived in China for 11 years, teaching the performing arts in international schools. SCADALON is her provocative memoir which includes fascinating stories of people and life in the great country of China, which few of us have visited, but where God is working mightily. God has also worked mightily in Susan’s personal life and she has an important story to share.
Interview with Susan Elaine Jenkins ~
Q: First of all, tell us a bit about yourself.
Susan: I am a teacher. I was born into a family of preachers and teachers, and I always had a keen desire to teach. I began the first year out of college (Point Loma Nazarene University) and my career has taken me into the hearts and lives of many unforgettable students. Much of my time is occupied with continuing education and professional development opportunities, which opens up new areas of thinking and learning as I go.
After teaching in California private schools for 19 years, I moved to China, where I have focused on teaching performing arts in 3 different international schools. I am a seasoned foreign expatriate these days and yet, the daily adventures of living in Asia continue to surprise me.
Q: It seems that some parts of your book were passages right out of your journals through the years. Is that right? Is it hard to share these publicly, when you probably thought of yourself as the only audience at the time?
Yes, they were taken directly from my journals – especially the conversations between Dr. Travis and me. Those 3 difficult months were mind-numbing days. Writing everything that happened at the end of every confusing day helped me make more sense of it all.
Once I was in China, the conversations with Ouyang were important to me, as well, and I also kept detailed accounts. I knew I needed to have those talks recorded somewhere where I could retrieve them – they were too special to forget. The experiences I was having with my Chinese friends were very precious; China was rapidly developing and nothing would be the same again. I recently visited Tianjin and was stunned to see the progress made – the sleek commercial buildings and tall apartments that have replaced the ancient hutongs near the streets where I once lived and worked.
Yes, I assumed my journals were for my eyes only, and it has been difficult opening up these details to the public. There have been many starts and stops for me to this process and times when I wanted to forget the whole project.
Q: Was there any deciding factor that made you think you should try compiling your notes into a book and to try to get it published? What encouragement did you get along the way?
A friend from the UK convinced me to begin a blog. The idea of sharing my stories was inconceivable, at first, but as time went by, I got to know my readers. Little by little, I opened up the pages of my journals with them, interspersed with a few of the details of daily life in Asia. To my surprise, my online friends began commenting and sending me private letters filled with their own pain. I wanted to let them know that there really is healing and light ahead, that God’s promise really is authentic: He is a God who heals.
Q: Are there any character embellishments? Some people in your book seem almost larger than life!
No, the characters are written exactly as they are. Conversations are word for word, in most cases. I wanted to present the strong and good qualities of my former husband, Kyle, for example, as well as the perplexing reality of our marriage. The words of Dr. Travis (not his real name) were etched deeply into my memory, of course, as those were life-changing words of an experienced sexual predator – impossible to forget, much as I tried. And then the amazing friends I met in China were such distinctive people! I remember thinking: How can I tell the world about Mrs. Hua and her cozy dinner parties with fish swimming laps in the bathtub? How can I explain how marvelous Apple is, with her heart that simply listens to God as she finds her way around the French Riviera? I wanted to share the story of Angel’s frustration at being 30 years old and single in the Chinese culture. These are incredibly real and strong people who desire the same things we do in America. They taught me so much.
Q: Why a book about China?
“Well, this particular story began to be written in the summer of 1992. My friend, David, gave me the keys to his beach house in Pebble Beach and it began pouring out, as I walked along the ocean and typed in his massive kitchen. At the end of the summer, I returned the rented computer, put all the pages into a plain cardboard box and shoved it into a closet. It wasn’t until five years later, in 1997, that I realized the story was not going to rest quietly, just gathering dust. It was almost as if it had a life of its own, and refused to be forgotten…so I took the box to China with me and kept writing…for the next ten years. I wrote between classes, on long snowy northern Chinese weekends, on Chinese trains and sitting in plastic airport chairs. It seemed to evolve into a book that is really a combination of two lives: my life in California and my life in Asia; two very different worlds.
I think it seemed very natural at some point, to write of a remarkably poignant journey that met in a healing point while living in a crumbled country, broken by its own history. My life at that point seemed very much the same – broken, falling apart, and dark.
Q: You moved to China to get away from memories that were haunting you? At what point did China start feeling like “home” to you, and less like the completely foreign distraction it first was?
A great job offer came up, and yes, I was anxious to have a completely new start. Before I left for China, someone told me, “Susan, you can never get away from this. Sooner or later, you will need to face all that’s happened in your life. You will need to go through the grieving process and admit that you have lost so much.” He was right. I did have to face it, but that happened slowly, almost imperceptibly, over a long period of time. Being in China helped me gain perspective of what God wanted to do in me and through me.
I guess it was near the end of my first school year that I realized China had become a second home. I was walking along the hot, muggy streets with Ouyang, and I realized I was reluctant to go back to America. He said, “Do you have to go back? Why don’t you just stay?” That possibility hadn’t occurred to me until that point and I muttered something about it being too hot during the summer months to remain and that most of the teachers returned to their home countries for the holidays. Years later, I found I could stay for the summers and feel very much at home.
I think the idea of feeling at home in China has to do with the fact that I began feeling “at home” with God. And that, for me, involved a great spiritual healing and coming back to a point of rest within God’s heart; being glad to be in His loving presence; knowing that all my sins are utterly forgiven and cast away; and, sensing His divine heart of grace. Home has literally – for me – become His own Heart.
Q. Where might we find out more about you and Scandalon?
Please my website at http://www.susanelainejenkins.com
Disclosure of Material Connection: The only compensation I have received in exchange for this post is a free copy of the book Scandalon to give away to one of my readers. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Grateful for His Grace
I’d shared with many people that I was going to completely fast from Facebook for lent. I wanted to replace the time I normally spend in the virtual world with face time with God. I didn’t tell people in a “hey look at me” way, but rather as a courtesy — meaning if I don’t reply to you today, it’s because I’m not online right now.
My choice wasn’t as practical as I’d originally thought. I couldn’t bring myself to allow friend requests and important messages just sit there, unanswered until April. So my full fast has been reduced to a partial fast, and that’s okay. And since I am not doing it to fulfill some law, but rather as a way to stop using the virtual world to replace what I sometimes find lacking in my real world — live human connection — I can find balance if I so choose.
I’ve spent the past week and a half, leaning deep into the heart of God, studying, praying, and writing about what I’ve learned so far. I’ve loved every minute of it. I’m actively engaged in my studies rather than passively absorbing partial truths. I’ve gone back from being at the foot of the mountain telling Moses to talk to God for me and tell me what he says to being engaged with God myself. It feels good to be fully alive again. (Challenge from a blogging friend).
What is Lent to me? It’s a time to take time to look at the layers I’ve allowed to build up around my heart. The coats of paint, the stains, and everything else that keeps me from being alive in Christ. It’s not a legal thing, I assure you. It’s a relational thing.
This video sums it up really well. I hope you watch it.
WordPress will not allow me to embed Tangle Videos… so please click here to see it. Furnature and Spirituality.
Skywatch: Glorietta NM
These golden Aspens in Glorietta New Mexico surprised us last fall. This particular row of trees is called “Heavens Highway.” The golden foilage against the brilliant blue sky, just took our breath away.
For more Skywatch photos, please see the Skywatch Web Sight.
I also wanted to say thank you to all who are sticking with me during my litugical studying. I don’t always get the verbiage exactly right, and true to my relational heart, I write/talk more about feelings than I do facts. Even though I do that, please don’t for a minute think that feeling is all that makes church great. It isn’t about feeling, it’s about faith. Being fully present again in worship, continues to be a wonderful gift from God.
I’ll still write about my more humorous adventures, I promise.
Replacing Judas:Matthias the Apostle
This post is far more tongue in cheek than my theologically minded friends will probably enjoy. The intent here is not to teach you something about Matthias, but rather to hopefully encourage you to dig and learn for yourself. You’ll remember more that way. —
Congratulations Matthias! As we gather today with prayerful and humble hearts, seeking the will of God — we cast lots, and guess what, you won! You are the new apostle. Don’t let the fact that your predecessor betrayed Christ for 30 pieces of silver and consequently committed suicide bother you. You can only go up from there. Granted, you won’t come out of this alive. Accounts of your death will vary but know that you will be martyred; you’ll either be crucified or stoned and subsequently beheaded. What are you going to do now?
I’m guessing he didn’t go to Disney World.
Wikipedia states he went on to preach the Gospel in Judea as well as to the barbarians and meat-eaters in the interior of Ethiopia. — That’s a polite way of saying “Gentiles” I suppose — loosely translate – you and me folks.
Are you game?
Of course he was game. Why wouldn’t he be. The Gospel of Jesus Christ was so alive, so real, so prevalent in his life that he was willing to lay down his very own to preach the good news.
Me? I get cranky if I have to miss the newest episode of 24 to talk to a family member.
I’m being a little tongue in cheek ya’ll and I hope you aren’t offended. The facts are true — see the book of Acts for more information.
In reconnecting with liturgy this year, I wanted to look at the festivals as well. I wanted to see what we can learn from these people who went before us. We can learn a lot. And rather than do a brain dump here, I’m encouraging you to look into St Matthias yourself. You won’t be disappointed.
The Festival of St Matthias is listed as February 24 in our Lutheran Book of Worship. Some churches celebrate it, some don’t. It’s a day of mixed feelings. We mourn over Judas’s loss. We are reminded that we too can fail and sell Jesus for pennies on the dollar. We can also rejoice in knowing that God see’s all things — and saw in the heart of Matthias and chose him to continue the call.
You don’t know who Matthias is? It’s an easy name to miss, he is afterall only mentioned briefly in the book of Acts. Look him up, learn about him. Ask questions. What does his choice (by God) teach you about Christ? Did he compare himself to Judas and puff up? Or was he more humble than I myself can be most of the time and mourn the loss while taking his call seriously.
What do you think? What would you do? Would you answer a call like that?
Written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights Reserved.
Wordless Wednesdays:Remembering my Gardens

I wasn’t going to garden this year seeing as I killed everything last year. But the catalogues started arriving. They had pictures and promises of daisies, flowering bushes, baskets overflowing with forget-me-nots and other sundries. I started sorting photographs for scrap booking and I came across my garden pictures. My gardens may be dead, but they were pretty while they lasted. Pray for my husband ya’ll. The gardening itch is back. I cannot wait to get out there, clean up the horticultural cemetery I call a garden, see what survived and start again.
Liturgy isn’t sterile, my notebook is…
I found myself lamenting earlier this week about how I still wasn’t getting it (see post here) regarding my present course of study and I finally figured out why. (And by not getting it, I mean not being able to explain it in a way that other people feel what I feel) I’m trying to answer a heart question, with my brain. I have many friends who do not follow a liturgical calender in their churches and do not know what Lent is or Advent or about any of the high festivals. In failing to answer their questions, I feel as if I’d been kicked in my proverbial teacher’s pride. If I can’t teach it, I don’t understand it.
I can’t give away what I don’t have. If’ my heart isn’t in worship, than I’m only going to be able to answer questions of the heart with my brain. What I have discovered, at least for myself, is that I’m taking church – and worship – for granted. I’m not paying as close attention to the details as I did when I was younger. I get into these moods of “yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that before. Tell me something new.” with church much like I can with that family member who has told the same joke for 20 years.
We can do that with everything in our lives. Take driving to work. We know the way, and at some point in the journey, we go on autopilot and don’t pay as close attention to the road as we should. We miss the scenery. We miss the sunsets and the birds, and the landscape. We think we’ve seen it all before and we focus instead on other things.
When I first joined the church back in 1993, everything was new and inspiring. “Why” was my favorite question. That is why I think my notebook is so sterile right now. When I first started studying the Bible, I didn’t just list facts in my brain, I applied them to my life. I wanted to know how this or that piece of the story can fill me and change me. What about this or that chapter brings me closer to Christ. Read the Bible a few times, and I find myself skimming over passages that I think “I know already” and I miss seeing it with fresh eyes. It’s the same with liturgy.
I can mentally skip through a worship service, take the seasons for granted and feel empty at the end of the day. Filling my notebook with facts in order to better answer people’s questions isn’t going to serve anyone and it definately isn’t going to bring me closer to Christ. I need to be an active participant in worship, laying down all preconcieved notions and ideas and be intentional in my focus and my attention. Only than can I truly find rest in the landscape.
That is, for me, what has been so great about this journey so far. In asking what and why again, in opening my eyes to the landscape around me, I’m become fully present in worship. I’m once again inwardly digesting truth and finding peace.
Question: What landscape in your church are you taking for granted? Are you on auto-pilot when it comes to worship? What steps do you take to refocus your attention?
This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved.








