An Eye For beauty

July 18, 2009July 18, 2009 DeanaLeave a comment

Some things are just so stunningly beautiful that my soul cries out in joy. I find myself moved in such away that to leave the moment unnoticed or unspoken feels like deceit and I have to say something before it’s lost. I am open to beauty right now, because I’m intentionally looking for it whether it is in poetry, art, nature, or people.

I read dozens of blogs a week. I don’t read all of them every day, but I do visit when I can. Some speak to my heart words of comfort, truth and beauty, some speak wisdom, others speak cruelty and I don’t listen to them anymore. My heart is far more vulnerable than I give it credit so I’m learning to protect it.

My heart hungers for beauty, truth, and love. I’ve been so caught up in the trappings of everyday, that I’d forgotten to feed it. My heart is playful, joyful, giving, and strong. There are also broken places that are mending and I need to remember the gentle hand of God while he tends to those inner beats.

Our Sunday Morning Women’s Class is studying the book Captivating. I am the facilitator and I’ve struggled with it. Not because it’s a bad study – quite the contrary. I’m struggling with it, because it is so humbling and requires me to stretch and remember.

For two months, we’ve studied beauty and I’ve purposefully sought her face in my surroundings, in my travels, in my backyard, and in the mirror. Beauty is not as elusive and one would think. God has a beauty to unveil in his universe, in our lives, and in us. I’d lost sight of that, and need to retrain my eyes.

I’ve been spending my time lately reading poetry, drinking new wine (literally and figuratively), and being still until I couldn’t sit still anymore – my spirit has been rewarded with a new sense of peace and I love it.

“A woman at rest communicates that all is well in the world.” – Staci Eldridge

It is a glorious day

watching the sun rise

knowing that dawn awakens my spirit

whispering sweet nothings to my soul.

Eyes closed

I listen to the soft sounds of morning,

blissfully in the moment.

My soul sings

with joy and peace.

God speaks in the dawn that rises

and the birds that sing

returning my voice

and filling my heart

with beauty to share

and a reminder that all is well.

– Deana O’Hara

Wordless Wednesdays

July 15, 2009 DeanaLeave a comment

My Guys in their Natural States

A Time for Every Season

July 12, 2009 DeanaLeave a comment

Do you remember the Byrds? “For everything, turn, turn, turn..” I love that classic song. It’s taken straight from the book Ecclesiastes and it reminds me that there is a time for every season.

I’m looking around and listening to my friends and my own life, and I see a common theme.

Weddings

Graduations

Funerals

College

Camp

Kindergarten.

Almost everyone I know is in a season of letting go and moving forward at the same time. In Bible study, we’re even talking about where we are at, season wise, and what things we are letting go of and moving towards. What things we are excited about, and what things scare us. Camp came up alot.

Scripture says that God nevers changes, but life does – Solomon tells us so.

Over the past few weeks we’ve even talked about letting go of old ideas so that we can make room for God’s ideas. I got serious in a blog post yesterday and people have been asking if I’m alright. And yes, I’m better than alright. I found it in my old prayer journals and am thankful for seeing the changes. Sometimes women (and men) can confuse our cross with someone elses in trying to be that helpmate, or that good parent, or that good employee – and we wear ourselves out, and we harm the other individual. There is a letting go in that as well.

Right now, a lot of us are learning how to let go of our kids. We are learning to let God be God and relax in who we know Him to be.

What are you letting go of today? Would you like to share it?

Letting Go (Let Go and Let God)

July 11, 2009July 14, 2014 Deana20 Comments

Once upon a time, or as most tales go, a young gal with a heart full of love and compassion heard a story that made her very sad. Being two pennies short of common sense, she came to believe that she could fix this problem and therefore set herself up as a shield of protection.

Forgetting the words of John the Baptist,

“I am not the Christ.”

she stretched out her arms

and stood in the gap

between those who threatened harm

and the one she was protecting.

If she just tried hard enough,

she believed or fought hard enough,

protected long enough,

everything would be okay.

Only everything wasn’t okay. The harder she stood her ground, the harder they fought and the more he seemed to need her. The more she did to protect him, the less he seemed willing to do for himself and the less honest he became.

Once she realized that no man

carries a burden that someone else

is willing to bear or faces a truth

that no one is willing to tell him

and that he’d grown weaker

and not stronger like she’d hoped,

she laid down his cross

and took up her own.

She meant well and it almost cost her life. In time she remembered the words of the one in the desert. The one who’s role was to make straight the crooked path, and point believers to the one who would come after him. She remembered that “standing in the gap” means standing in prayer and support, not in self-sacrifice.

She found a note one day, written just for her and other two-penny-short friends who mean well. Together, she and her new friends, trudged the road of happy destiny. They laughed, leaned on each other, and stayed under the protective wings of the God they no longer needed to pretend to be.

Letting Go

To “Let Go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “Let Go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another. To “Let Go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “Let Go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “Let Go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To “Let Go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “Let Go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “Let Go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “Let Go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “Let Go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To “Let Go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “Let Go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To “Let Go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To “Let Go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To “Let Go” is to fear less and love more. – Unknown.

Letting Go – is my knowing that I cannot play God and believe in God at the same time.

If someone’s addictions are causing you pain, these groups can help.

Al-Anon If someone’s drinking is causing you pain, Al-Anon can help

S-Anon S-Anon is a program of recovery for those who have been affected by someone else’s sexual behavior.

Sanity Support: Do you have an adult child who is breaking your heart? An aging parent taking up your whole life? A problem with food? A co-worker making you hate your job? Learn how you can find SANITY and take back your life.

This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. July 22 2009 and may not be copied in any way shape or form.

Summer Life with Boys

July 9, 2009July 9, 2009 DeanaLeave a comment

firecracker

Dear readers: Today’s post is more tongue in cheek than my usual fare. Being home with teenagers this summer is both a joy and well, strange. A lot has changed now that my youngest is 16 and my oldest is leaving for college. Long gone are the days where I could read about 101 fun things to do with your kids over summer break and they would humor me for a day or two. Those ideas never worked anyway on my boys. No, my boys want adventure, they want daring, they want food, they do not want cutsie crafts and nifty games with tin cans. They want to hunt, gather, blow up things and chase girls. Me personally, I just want a nap.

Times have changed, have they not? This photo above – shows two young boys getting caught shooting off firecrackers. Today all a family has to do is march down to City Hall and buy a permit for $20 and you are allowed to play with things that have the potential to blow off fingers and more.

Let’s face it, boys are born wanting to blow up things, watch war movies and ask for bacon for dinner.

At least mine are. Granted they are 16 and 18. Blowing up Army guys, watching movies like Defiance or SAW and having Bacon and Eggs for dinner, is for them the perfect guy day.

Problem is, I’m a girl in a house full of men. I don’t like any of those things. If I had my way, we’d be planting a vegetable garden or going to the museum, or something safe. Jeff warned me that if I did not allow the boys to be boys, I would “permanently scar their psyche.” As if the scars they received from trying to toboggan over the creek while it was partially frozen last winter aren’t bad enough I have worry about emotional scars as well.

Let’s face it, for the sake of my sanity I’m pretty much a don’t ask, don’t tell kind of mom when it comes to this guy world. I won’t ask what you’ve been doing and you don’t tell me how high the creek was when you broke through the ice and we’re good. Better yet, don’t tell me you broke through the ice or even that you tried to jump it – just sneak through the back door, put your clothes in the dryer and run through the house naked. I promise not to say anything.

My youngest hates the don’t ask don’t tell compromise of neurotic mom and wants to include me in every horrific detail. I can either breath deep and pray long, or go on Prozac for my nerves. I choose breathing. I also choose to join them, sometimes, on these adventures.

I know how deep the creek is because we’ve explored it during the summer.

I know the cliff down to it is about 20 feet – and that you cross over the ravine on a fallen oak tree.

I know where the rabbit hole is and where the copperheads hang out.

I’ve held many a frog and lizzard, a python, hugged wolves, fed tigers and lions (from behind a BIG cage), bottle fed a baby bear, and blown up Gi Joes.

I know that it takes only one firecracker to blow up an army guy and that model rocket fuse plugs need an electrical current to light and should not be used to blow up GI Joes – I also know those fuses plugs will NOT light with a simply firecracker fuse and I thank heavens for that lest Joe permanently be implanted in the side of my chimney. Rocket launcher fuse plugs need the rocket for stability. I knew why it wouldn’t lite and I know enough NOT to tell my son.

I know that my husband and his brothers played “war” with Roman Candles and trash can lids when they were young and unsupervised.

And I know that as long as I’m along for the ride, I at least do not have to worry about that.

I also know that unwinding at the end of the day with a good glass of wine and a book of poetry does help restore some sense of femininity in my spirit. And that is a good thing too.

FGP Say’s I’m Not a Wheenie!

July 3, 2009July 15, 2009 Deana1 Comment

On July 11, Runner’s World starts its free Tulsa Run training groups every Saturday morning. Runs start with stretching at 6:45 a.m. at Veterans Park, 21st Street and Boulder Avenue. There will be beginner and advanced 15k race training groups, and a 5k race training group. – Carrie Aspinwall

I am not a wheenie… did you see that? There are training groups for the Tulsa Run, including a training group for the 5K race. I love it. So, I can now proudly say (Because Carrie put it in print) that I am TRAINING for the 5K – life is so good.

So, who might you ask, is Carrie Aspinwall? Carrie is the Fitness Guinea Pig for the Tulsa World and she is training for the Tulsa Run. Carrie is also the women who turned me away from boot camp (Yikes!) and on to Zumba, a real live exercise/dance like class thing. If Carrie says it’s fun, we try it. Carrie knows healthy living.

I have three favorite Columinists with the Tulsa World. Carrie, Natalie Mikles and Jason Ashley Wright. Between them they cover everything this girl wants to know about Fitness, Food, and Fashion. Call me shallow, but hey, I like what I like. Which might explain why I know so little about politics. Either way.

I wasn’t always overweight, but I have always had issues with food. The smallest I’ve ever been is a size six and that was 20 years ago. I tend average around a size 10-12, which is an acceptable size for me. Right now, I average about 40ish pounds over that ideal and I need to get back in shape. I love working out. Seven years ago I studied Tia Chi and helped teach Shaolin Kungfu to kids at the YMCA. I could even do a really cool back kick back then. My father in law thought that was hilarious and warned my husband that life as he officially knew it was forever changed.

I also enjoyed walking until I blew out my ACL playing church softball five years ago. Oddly enough I loved Re-hab. I had my own personal fitness trainer for two hours, twice a week and enjoyed every minute of it. Then my knee healed, and I was released and afraid to do anything else.

Since then I have been on many diets trying to lose 10-15 lbs and wound up gaining 40. In the past five years I’ve Weight Watched, Metifasted, Atkinsed, Acaiberried, green tea-ed till-I-peed-green my sorry self all the way to LA Weightloss and South Beach, only to diet my way up to what I weigh now. I’m thinking I’ve done every diet out there from A-Z. That plus now when people comment on my “new” look, I tend to hoover brownies in response. Not cool.

So, I’m counting my calories – or at least trying to and I’m in training again. Yeah it’s for a 5k, a lousy 3.10 mile race. But so what. It’s a start. I didn’t start of doing spinning back kicks and wielding swords – or doing a perfect horse stance for five minutes when I did martial arts, I had to build up. Okay, actually I had to stop ducking when SiFu kicked in my direction – but the point is, I started somewhere.

This is my somewhere.

Alive in Love – Brennan Manning

July 1, 2009July 1, 2009 DeanaLeave a comment

I’m digging through boxes, searching for books to keep and books to give away. Each new box is like a treasure trove of discovery. Every book I own has meaning and depth to it. Having played some small part in who I am today, each book has it’s own season in my life. Maybe that’s why I want so desperately to be an author. I want to pay it forward in any way I can. God and I are still working out the how in that desire. For now he has planted me at a Mission Start and I love it.

While digging I found a book that I had purchased but never read. Being a bibliophile that is not unusual for me. Being Summer, I thought this was the perfect time to open this gift and so I am reading The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning.

I love it when I ask God to speak to me and he surprizes me with these little things. It’s a simple book really with a haunting question – Is the Gospel Alive and Real to you right now?

Although this book is full of great insight and many quotes to choose from, this one jumps out. Brennan had very rudely dismissed someone one while trying to impress others – she responded with saying “Jesus never would have talked to Mary Magdaline like that.” and then she was gone.

I love his honesty – I love when he askes this question –

How could she believe in the love of a God she can’t see when she couldn’t find even a trace of love in the eyes of a brother wearing a clerical collar whom she could see?

… and they will know we are Christians by our love, by our love, yes they’ll know we are Christians by our love.. or not.

That is a great question for me to ponder today. I can be harsh with pastors – I don’t trust them. My pastor knows that, and we do okay. Actually, we do better than okay, mainly because I already know that I am loved, not just by him, but by God himself.

That wasn’t always the case. There was a day when I would search the eyes for approval. I don’t have to do that today. God is an amazing healer. Just ask anyone who remembers the day when I had to sit on my hands in church so that no one could see how badly they shook. And to make matters worse, my voice shook for years as badly as my hands.

I’m putting that out there, not as a victim, but rather as a woman aware of my scars. And as a woman who wants to heal and overcome.

And my question when faced with Brennan’s truth isn’t, “What do I see?”, but rather ” What do people see when they look into my eyes? ”

But… I Can’t Do that…Can I?

June 29, 2009July 8, 2010 Deana1 Comment

Month’s ago someone Tweets “What is your favorite running song?”

Seriously?

There really is such a thing?

I mean unless there is a song called running makes me vomit, I just didn’t see the point.

Being as he was training for a triathalon I’m thinking he was serious. So replied.

“C is for cookie” by cookie monster.

Radio silence ensued and my serious running tweet-pal never asked that question again. That or he deleted me from his follow me list. Who knows.

I wasn’t always so flip about running. I actually used to like it, until I shattered my ankle. The dr’s fixed it, and I could run again, but now my ankle is in need of a brace to help me walk straight. Marathons are out. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Only, I keep reading about people almost 20 years older than I placing third in this triathlon or that person running in that race. I even read a book about a guy who was running marathons and climbing mountains with his daughter when he was my age.

I’ve done the whole conversation with God – in my true to mask joke form “you know God at my age and my shape, I could achieve neither the race nor the spandex.” That is just too big of a step for me. KWIM?

So what happens? God apparently agreed with me and so he sent me Heather.

Heather – from church – our C-Fit instructor runs her very first 5K and places third for her age this past Saturday. I saw that and thought, I can run a 5K. I mean it’s only 3.10 miles. I just have no idea how to train for that. I’d have to train, trust me. My favorite song really is C is for cookie.

My next thought was after reading all my friends post about the Tulsa Run and other such marathons, is saying I’m gonna try for a 5k the total of weenie ville? Maybe, but it is a start. And to help me because I know nothing about running, I found the From Couch to 5K training information.

So… to David who climbs mountains, Reed who always ran past my door every day, Melissa who trained for a half marathon last year, Heather who tried a 5k and did it, and my other triathlon friends, I’m gonna do it.

And I’m going to try not to feel like a wheenie about it.

EDITED JULY 9, 2010 — The verdict is in… I cannot run, my leg won’t tolerate it. I can, however, swim and cycle. Those will be the areas I can pursue. I tried. And I’ve learned my limitations. yes, I will some day need a brace. That is reality and not defeat. And I’m learning how to be okay with that.

Sacred Beauty

June 28, 2009July 8, 2010 Deana1 Comment

A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It is my fourth trip to Nashville, Tennessee, in almost as many months. Three I’ve driven and only once did I fly. There is something sacred about the drive. The scenery takes on new shapes while my car travels from the lowlands of Oklahoma through the Ozarks. Following a now known route, we find our way to the Cumberland mountains. My car climbs the summits and explores the valleys. The drive feels more like a pilgramage to me than a trip. It is as if I am following some small distant voice, searching not for greener pastures but rather a closer view of the face of God. Beauty was calling me, and I wanted to find her.

I am at home in the mountains. My grandfather once had a cabin in the foothills of the Andirondacks. Being in the mountains, any mountain brings me back to those days. In the mountains, my soul finds rest, my spirit soars, I am surrounded by beauty and I am reminded of God.

The trip to Round Cove to spend time with Randy and Chris Elrod was an anniversary gift to my husband. To say that the last twelve months have been busy is an understatement. We needed time to get away.

Randy and Chris graciously opened their hearts, their spirits and their time to us for 48 hours. They offered insight, fellowship, prayers, and encouragement. The cove itself offers everything that this female heart desires; Adventure, Romance (Relationship), and beauty to unveil.

There is one piece of the story I don’t have a picture for. Jeff, Randy, Nordeck and I traveled to the Cave at Round Cove. I’m not sure how many feet under the ground this cave is, I just know that traveling to it takes work. It’s rugged, and it’s dark. It is not for the faint of heart.

Randy and Nordeck led the way and I traveled behind Jeff. We stepped over rocks, and pieces of wood and even though I was directly behind him the minute his lamp left my feet I was surrounded in darkness and couldn’t find my footing. I was struck by that and remembered the psalms – Thy word is a lamp unto my feet. Without God’s word and his marking my steps, I have trouble finding my footing.

Even more breathtaking was the beauty that was hidden under those layers of rock. The cave was spectacular. And even though I was unsure of my footing and spent my time in the cave sitting in a chair, I could not help but be taken in by it was giving to me in return for my attention. I was willing to put the effort into traveling down passed the rocks and branches and the earth opened up and returned beauty in payment.

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. ~John Muir

Daily Bread - Bounty from the garden (Photo Credit: Randy Elrod)

A place to play (Jeff playing his new song for us) l-r: Randy, Nordeck, and Jeff.

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting — a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every herd needs a black sheep ad she is so sweet. — Every herd needs a black sheep and she is so sweet.

rocky 150 We also had the joy of gathering eggs each morning. The chicken’s did not seem to mind, but the rooster sure did. Jeff had to hold him back with a stick while I gathered the eggs.

Every meal was a sacred communion

A New Creation

I find this last picture fitting –

: The glasses say Kalein – Beauty Calling

As wonderful as the time away was and as the mountains are, I am reminded not only of God’s provision, His love and His Grace, I am also reminded of the heart that He placed inside of me. I cannot see in my surroundings, or other people, those things that do not already exist in myself. I bring with me what I find in any place whether it be beauty, turmoil, or relationship and joy.

I carry the heart of Eve. The lightness of soul and spirit. Joy in the simple things, peace in fellowship. It is the truth of who we are (His Beloved) and what are created to be.

So, the only question is, do we answer the call?

RIP Michael Jackson

June 26, 2009 DeanaLeave a comment

I don’ t care what you think about his life. His choices or anything else. I grew up with the Jackson 5 playing on my radio. I went to college dancing to Michael’s songs and lovin every minute of it. Michael Jackson is to Pop Music what Elvis Presley was to Rock and Roll. He was an entertainer through and through.

This video clip is by far my favorite song of his..

Be the change, look at the Man in the Mirror