Let’s Talk About it: Spawn of Satan

You couldn’t pay me to be a pastor’s wife. Which is a good thing really because churches don’t pay the wife, only the husband. And even then, they don’t pay much.  I would make a horrible pastor’s wife. Really, I would. I’m too emotional. Too political. Too ADD. Too mean. I have opinions that probably don’t line up with everyone. I sin. As Anne Lamott would say, “I think things so awful that if I were to say them out loud, it would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of a cat bowl.”  Really.

I’m Job’s wife a lot of the time.

“These are the people you love and serve and this is how they treat you? – Don’t tell me God called you to this, quit, it’s not worth it! ( curse God and die basically) – they don’t deserve you!”

Yeah – I’d be a horrible pastor’s wife to be sure.

A friend of ours is a deacon in another church. Their pastor is allegedly the spiritual leader of their church, but only when he does things exactly the way they (the congregation) wants him to. If he steps out of line someone is there to slam him back across the tape.  Some people view him as an employee to do their bidding and nothing more. Fun place to be.

Our friend’s pastor has been teaching the deacons how to lead small group bible studies on Wednesday nights and one of the deacons didn’t like that, so he wrote a letter. In this letter he wrote “you are the spawn of satan and so are your children. If you aren’t willing to do your job and teach on Wednesdays than you have no right taking a paycheck from us….”

WOW. A deacon wrote that!

If that were my husband to receive a letter like that?

 Lock and load baby!

That man wants to see the spawn of satan? I’d show him the spawn of satan all right. Hell hath no fury and all.

Pastor’s wives aren’t allowed to lock and load – they have to love and forgive and cry at home. It’s not fair really – in my opinion. Yeah, I’m not good at that.

Let’s talk about it:

What role does your pastor play in your church? Are they the spiritual leader or just an employee? How would you handle a letter like this? If you are a pastor’s wife or husband reading this — you can comment anonymously if you like — I’d really love to hear from you. – email me privately if you want at deana_ohara@yahoo.com, I’ll protect your name.

7 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About it: Spawn of Satan

  1. Called and ordained servants of the Word are not hired help and are not to be treated as such. Pastors are called by the Lord Himself through the congregation and their office should be treated with the same respect as if it were held by Jesus as He commands them to speak and teach in His stead until His return.
    It is the deacon who should be disciplined and then reintroduced to our confessions concerning the Office of the Holy Ministry.


  2. I love ministry and deep in my heart I know there is no other vocation for my husband or myself. My heart does go out to those who don’t belong to healthy churches and communities though. I’ve seen so much. We’ve received hate letters ourselves for our involment in the Ablaze! initiative — I’ve locked and loaded more than once. We’re not even pastors — we just help with a church plant. I’ve learned good boundaries though — at one point, after being confronted by someone who didn’t like something regarding an egg hunt and chose to unload and blame us I was able to calmly tell them, He’s not your pastor and I’m not your pastor’s wife, you are barking up the wrong tree. I’m learning to just stop paying attention to the Rambo’s out there who open fire on the world, but that’s not always easy.


  3. Your daughter is going to be a pastor’s wife? wow pam, God bless you all. Seriously that is such a painful and yet wonderful vocation/call all at the same time. Glad to hear part of her testimony as well — she has overcome a lot.


  4. Oh man…you just gave me a reality check. My grandmother was a pastor’s wife. My mother was the wife of a parochial school principal. Both of them “suffered for the Gospel” in their own way. I seem to have forgotten about that over the last twenty years at my wonderful, spiritually healthy church. Our pastor(s) are vulnerable with their flock regarding their shortcomings, which makes them very relatable, while at the same time boldly teaching the truths of scripture. They definitely suffer through the criticism of people like you described above, but it isn’t spirit of the majority of our church.

    Why does your story scare me so?….Because my amazingly beautiful, headstrong, nose-pierced, twice-tattooed (one is her confirmation verse on her wrist) daughter who less than a two years ago was caught up in a dangerous and not God-pleasing lifestyle…just became engaged to the youth MINISTER of our church!!! AND he is about to enter seminary to become a full fledged pastor!! Which would be great if he were going to be able to stay at our church, but we do not know that that is what God has planned. I had forgotten what the real world of church work can be like. Isn’t God amazing in how He uses the most unlikely characters sometimes to accomplish His work? I now have a new specific item to add to my prayer list. But praise God that this is the potential “problem” I am praying about now as compared to two years ago!


  5. A sheperd “leads and feeds” the sheep. When he feeds them, it isn’t by a baby bottle…they eat where he has led them. This particular deacon you mentioned is still on the bottle. He wants to be spoon fed. I love the story of a pastor getting ready to go on vacation. One of his deacons showed up in his office with a glare in his eye and a sneer on his face and told the pastor, “You know, satan never takes a vacation…” The pastor wisely responded, “Yes, I know. And if I dont’ get a way for a while I will be just like him!” Even Jesus taught his 12 to “get away” and He taught them to carry on the ministry while He was not around. I suppose your deacon feels that he is better than the 12. Let’s suppose that the pastor is jailed for his convictions. Will this deacon step up and carry on the ministry? From the sounds of it, he feels that his call is to make sure the pews don’t float to the ceiling every Sunday.


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