I hope all of you are holding up through this heat wave that has crossed America these last few weeks. It’s so hot in Oklahoma, my hot flashes feel like cold showers. My dogs even looked at the squirrel this morning and said, “not today.” It’s just that hot.

Why not pour yourself a refreshing glass of sweet tea and set a spell while I ponder what is really causing this heat wave.

I know everyone is blaming global warming for our present circumstances. I don’t. While it’s obvious from the heat that hell hasn’t frozen over and my Cubbies aren’t going to win the World Series this year, (although rumor has it the Eagles are touring again) I have my own theory about the heat wave.

I believe We’ve hit the eye candy trifecta and our nation is on full cougar alert. You don’t believe me? Check out my count down to the top three causes of our heat wave.

3. Magic Mike hits the big screen. Woman across the country are seeking solace from the heat and flocking to theaters everywhere hoping to see Channing Tatum sell out his dignity by taking it off. The movie promises fun, and delivers a punch that no one sees coming. While this may look like cotton candy with all it’s sugary goodness, Channing has something to say about the women who treat men like meat. Much like a sugar rush that wears off too soon, expect a slap in the face with that lap dance. He should have been a dentist. The overall message? Too much sugar causes cavities. Whether temps are rising over the eye-candy or the bait and switch has yet to be determined.

2 Kate and Tom Cruise split. Okay let’s face it, we all saw this coming and while some of us are happy for Kate (yours truly included) there is still a long line of women who crave the fun-filled lollipop triple dipped in psycho that is Tom Cruise. Thus earning him slot number two in my summer trifecta.

1. the number one cause for America’s heat wave Johnny Depp returns to America as a single man. I blame this event for single-handedly raising temps nation wide. Women world-wide are singing the hallelujah chorus. The one man who would rather sit in a dark room than expose himself as a sex symbol, who thinks it too weird to think of himself as a celebrity and who is by far and large the most brilliant actor in Hollywood today is single. Oh what a Midnight Summer’s Dream. Have mercy.

While I’m sitting here on my front porch practicing slides, pull offs, and hammer notes on my banjo, I hope y’all are finding a way to stay cool.

Have a great weekend. And remember you are awesome and nobody can take that away from you.