“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” – Maya Angelou
Do you ever feel like no one notices that you’ve changed? We work really hard to overcome a bad habit, fear, impatience, anger, an addiction or whatever and we look around and expect people to notice that we are doing new things only no one does. They are still acting and reacting as if you are the old you. Do you ever get frustrated by that? I do. I know I shouldn’t. But I do.
I have a confession to make: I’m not always happy with my changes – no matter how wonderfully great and hard-earned they are – if no one notices. To be honest, I have a broken mirror. Whenever I look at someone and I notice they are seeing “me” from 20 years ago and not the me I am today, all my hard work crumbles and I begin to doubt that I’ve really changed at all.
When I get like that I need to remember three things. 1. I need to get over myself and 2. I have changed even if people don’t notice. 3. God notices and that is really all that matters.
20 years ago I was a fearful, sitting on my hands so that no one could see them shake, quiet (unless I was mad then I was eruptive), passive/aggressive, boy crazy, insecure, verge of tears mess most of the time. 20 years ago, I read tarot cards, believed in reincarnation, could drink 16 shots of tequila in one sitting and live to tell about it, smoked more than cigarettes, thought sitting in the pews at church was all I’d ever be allowed to do and didn’t trust a living soul if my life depended on it. 20 years ago I spent more time apologizing for being alive than I spent actually living.
Through God’s amazing and grace, His work in me and in part my commitment to that work, I am nowhere near that woman today and while I’m thankful, I still sometimes want people to really notice.
If you’ve been there then you know what I’m talking about. It stinks, doesn’t it? It’s not like we want a ticker tape parade or something, well sometimes I do but that’s another story. Mostly though we do want people to at least acknowledge that we’ve changed in a positive light, right? Change is hard. It takes work and commitment. Of course we want people to notice. What is the point of changing if no one notices?
I believe it is human nature to desire positive feedback and encouragement for all of our hard work. Having said that though, it isn’t always reality and that is okay.
We aren’t changing for them anyway, right?
Right.
I could write a book on all the things I’ve learned – and relearned – about change over the past 20 years. I’ll just leave you with four.
1. Change has to be for me. If the only reason I am changing is to please someone else, the change won’t last. If my only reward is approval rather than growth I’m striving for then I am left at the mercy of the whims and desires of others. I’m always off-balance and never whole. Real change starts from within and requires a trust in something outside of ourselves. A higher power. God. When I choose to change for another person than I’ve made them my God and that’s never good.
2. Some people don’t want me to change and they will resist the changes we make to ourselves. — There will be people who, for whatever reason, do not want you or me to change. They have a vested interest in our staying the same. We meet a need, whether it’s a healthy need or not doesn’t matter. It could be as simple as they like to be in control and don’t like no longer being able to control us. OR more than likely when I change, I upset the status quo. My changing does sometimes require a change in them and they don’t want to change so they resist and try to pull us back into our old selves. Staying true to our path takes commitment.
3. People continue to see what they expect to see. – This is the most difficult one for me to accept. I’ve had to wrestle this one recently because I catch myself playing “Don’t you see? Look at me! Look at what I’m doing.” I catch myself feeling defeated when I hear someone talk about me as if I were still the old me. As long as I’m striving for the uncontrollable – another person’s thought process – I’ll always be striving and I’ll never have peace. Until they realize they need to update their view of me, they will always see what they want.
“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you’ve made, if they don’t realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Now here’s the trick. We don’t need to be whiny or self-righteous about it. I’ve read stories and blogs by people who kind of react with a “I’ll just take my dolly and play with someone else then.” or “if you won’t stand by me through my failures then you can’t be with me during my success.” kind of attitude and that isn’t what I’m striving for here. And yes I’ve read those. This isn’t about natural consequences for bad choices. This is more about letting go of people who hold us back to our old selves. Which brings me to my last point –
4. Sometimes we have to find a new tribe. — This is especially true for those of us with addictions. Whether it is food, alcohol, drugs, co-dependency or whatever, we need to surround ourselves with like-minded people who are committed to change and growth. The only way to make room for the new is to let go of the old – in love –
If your past reputation is really holding you back, you may just have to change your environment – Sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t shake your old reputation, and that prevents you from accessing the things you want (friends, respect, etc.). No matter how much you try to convince people you’re different, it falls on deaf ears and you keep getting the same poor results you always have. At times the right decision is to cut your losses and move on to a new environment, where the people you meet will be able to see you objectively. – CHRIS
This does not require some grand announcement loaded with self pity either. Keep changing, keep growing no matter what other people do or don’t do and find your tribe. It’s worth it. You are worth it.
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. George Bernard Shaw
I did a crazy thing this week. I twittered Anne Lammott and asked her if she’s ever been so angry that she couldn’t write well and what does she do when that happens?
That really bordered on questionable sanity on my part. Why?
1. I do not know her personally.
2. She has 11,000+ people following her and messaging her. I highly doubt I’ll hear back. But you know, I had to ask.
3. I’ve read enough of her books to guess what she’d do. She’d breathe, write a crummy first draft, walk in the hills, pray, love, and maybe eat something. I already know what to do, I just wanted to whine.
Today’s political climate has my blood pressure boiling. Even though I’ve yet to decide who I’m voting for or which issues I believe in or what I think, I’m finding my circle of people I can have an intelligent conversation with in regards to politics to be drastically small. And just a hint, by intelligent I mean void of phrases like “liberal press”, “sluts”, “entitled”, “socialism”, “Communist”, “fair and balanced”, sighs that really imply “Jane you Ignorant slut”, “uneducated liberals”, “fascist right wing tea-parters” “bigots”
I think you get my drift.
I don’t like any of the GOP candidates. Considering I was a member of the Republican party since 1989 – 2011 that’s a tough cookie to chew on.
I think they are all idiots. And by using the word idiot, I have also disqualified myself from intelligent conversation. I do however predict this. The GOP has gone so far in alienating women that they will use Sarah Palin as their VP running mate in hopes of getting us back. I actually like Sarah and I honestly hope she’s more intelligent than to allow herself to be a puppet.
I’m still researching the “issues” and trying to determine where I stand and how I’ll vote. Given the push back and angry accusations from friends and family alike however, I think I’ll be more discreet in my research.
It is my son’s senior year, I have a book to write, poetry to edit, soccer games to attend, and a garden to clean up and recreate. I’m too busy to engage in everyone’s favorite pastime, “fighting on the internet” – so if you don’t hear from me for a while – let me at least show you where I am at and what I am doing. When I’m too angry to formulate intelligent words, I create beauty.
Our house is and the end of a dead-end road. Beautiful pine trees covered this fence before the ice storm of 2007 took them out. I now have a five year old maple tree to one end and a rose of sharon at the other end by the gate. For three years I had flowers and bushes in this garden. Last year’s record drought killed those. And so I have a clean slate to work with. As you can tell, my grass is still brown but the weeds look great.
This focal point in my front yard always looks beautiful by midsummer. It’s loaded with irises, a nicely shaped evergreen, a Forsythia bush and a Rose of Sharon. All it needs is some weeding and trimming out.This is the garden my black widows like to live in. Must remember to wear leather gloves.
My front entry. You will notice I only have one shutter. The left shutter has removed itself and refuses to reattach. No worries. My handy-dandy power drill / screw driver will cleverly remove lone shutter and I will transplant him with his mate against the fence you see in the back. This space does cry for balance. I have a lilac bush to the right with nothing to balance the height on the left. I’ll have to shop and see what I can find. Yeah, shopping.
This side garden has never really come together. In the far back you can see my pine tree that succumbed last summer, a sweet pea and the twigs of a crape myrtle. Buried under the weeds are also day lilies.
My side garden. The white fence behind the swing on the right separates this garden from the dogs and the rest of the yard. This is my happy place. Usually filled with lilacs, roses, and such, it is in a trans-formative state – meaning I have no clue what is coming back this year and what died for good. Weeding it and clearing the winter debris is a good start to discovering what lays beneath.
THIS will be my biggest project. Prior to the ice storm, this little spot in my yard was home to a Bradford Pear (pretty white flowers that smell like raw sewage) and a pin oak. We’ve tried may things since then including a vegetable garden in feed troughs, but without shade this piece of land blisters in the afternoon sun. That and the fence is broken. We need to work with our neighbors and fix it. The trellis I put up to hide the fact it is broken, isn’t hiding it at all really. I will strip this garden clean and start again. We have utility right of ways back there so I have to be very careful. I am however convinced that I can create beauty back here.
I would rather play in the dirt than sling it, so instead of participating in the online folly, you’ll find me on the bike trails or in my yard. I will be here between games, and senior year activities to talk about what’s going on and what we as women in transition can do for the world and for those we love.
No clue where this is but I want one. Molly posted it on Facebook today. Wouldn't it be cool if we could write our fears on a chalkboard and then erase them? Can you imagine how empowering that would be?
I’m looking through a different mirror today, one that isn’t my own necessarily. I discovered that someone I care about is afraid of me. Shocked and more than slightly concerned, I wonder how I missed that.
They have me on a pedestal that I don’t belong on and when I expressed displeasure over a specific action I watched them go through an internal meltdown that I cannot control. Man that was painful to watch. You can see the brain turning and the lies manifest in a physical crumbling of the body and a tearing up of the eyes and you can’t stop it.
They are convinced because I expressed disappointment in an action that we can no longer be friends.
Every fiber of my being wants to wrap my arms around that wound that lies to their soul and love them. I’d do it except that it’s not my place really. I’m not invited.
Fear is an awesome captor and a devil of liar. Fear whispers – “See they don’t love you, they think you are a horrible person and failure as a friend. You don’t deserve that. Send them away, I’ll keep you company, I won’t share your secrets. I won’t wound you like she did.” Think of Golum from Lord of the Rings, do you remember his evil alter ego? If I could paint you a word picture to describe what fear looks like angry, it would be that.
I know, because I’ve been there.
Fear lies. Whenever we are afraid of someone and they offer the slightest criticism, fear tells us they are wounding our soul and questioning our value to breathe air. And so we breathe deep, we stand tall and we make fits – and like three-year old children we attack the person who dares question us and we find safety under a mask of emotional violence. And then, just like that, we run away and hide our wounded selves.
Fear is selfish. It demands attention and hates to be ignored. It doesn’t want what’s best for you it needs attention to flourish. Left ignored it dies.
Fear is afraid of light. Why? Because light heals the broken and musty places of our inner being. If I take away her fear or in any way try to diminish it, uninvited, I rob her of growth.
I try to remember those mentors in my life who walk with me and love me through fear and think about what they do that I might do the same. Only I got nothin. Then, after seeing three posts on fear just this very morning my answer came. Those I invited in did embrace that wounded part of me. I have to be willing to be vulnerable. I have to be willing to say out loud the lies fear whispers to my brain. And for those times when fear held me captive, those I did not invite in, let me go with love and peace.
I’m not invited. I do not cause her fear, I cannot control it, nor can I cure it.
And so, I love her and I wish her well. And I know, that like me – she will find her way in this crazy thing we call life.
“Acceptance is not submission to a degrading situation; rather is it acknowledging reality and deciding what to do about it.” – One Day at a Time, AFG
I can be whiney.
Insert the hushed whisper by those who know me well here. “Whiney? You? No! Really?”
It’s true. I whine.
I ask why. A lot. Granted I do have the voice of reason (or schizophrenia, whichever) to quickly follow with either a snarky remark or wisdom.
Why did the laundry hose spray all over the laundry room today? At least the room smells Springtime fresh now. Not helping!
Why did the computer break right before Christmas? (Don’t feel too sorry for me, I do still have my laptop.)
Why can’t I be thin? (uhm.. maybe it’s the food you put in your mouth when you stuff your feelings?)
Why can’t people behave the way I want them to? — okay I really do wish they would here, but now do you always behave the way people wish you would? – Oh shut up.
Why didn’t anyone read my life script? – Because everyone has their own script to follow. But they are ad-libbing! I’m an introvert, I need my script. I can’t plan my brilliant responses if they ad lib! – Silence
Why doesn’t he ever pick ME?- Because he isn’t going to. Instead of getting your feelings hurt every year, face reality and move on. Do not try to control the situation by constantly reminding him how much you really want to do this — obviously he does not believe you are the right person for the job. It’s not personal, and even it if is, you can’t do anything about that.
Whaa whaa whaaa
Reality of life is simply this — like it or not we have absolutely no power of people, places, or things. The only power we have in choosing how to respond.
Rather than focus on what I cannot control today, equipment failures, dishonest and manipulative people, and rejection (I really hate that one), I can focus getting exercise and eating well, and celebrating the fact that our riding club (Stay in the Saddle) is going to be in the Christmas Parade.
I’m not being Pollyanna. I’m just choosing happiness.
What about you? Are you going to spend this day focusing on the things you cannot control? Or are you going to spend it focusing on the things you can control – yourself.
I hope you go out there and have a wonderful and happy day. And don’t forget to laugh.
I have a confession to make. I had originally agreed to give away a free copy of Between A Rock and a Grace Place in exchange for posting this interview. I got the book and started reading it and I couldn’t put it down. Not only could I not put it down, this book is so full of wisdom and wonderful nuggets of truth, that I started writing in it. You can’t have my copy BUT if you leave a comment at the end of this post, I will draw a name on October 11, 2010 and one lucky winner will receive a new — unmarked — copy of this book, I promise you. I have also included links at the bottom of this post for other chances to win. Blessings — Deana
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Click photo to read an excerpt
Between a Rock and a Grace Place by Carol Kent (Zondervan)
From bestselling author Carol Kent comes a riveting journey of facing the impassable obstacles of life and discovering the last thing ever expected—the sweet spot of grace.
Carol Kent and her husband, Gene, are now living what some would call a heartbreaking life—their son, Jason, a young man who initially had so much promise, is now living out a life sentence for murder in a maximum security prison. All their appeals have been exhausted at both the state and federal levels—humanly speaking, they have run out of options. But despite their hopeless situation, Carol and her husband live a life full of grace. Kent reveals how life’s problems become fruitful affliction where we discover the very best divine surprises, including peace, compassion, freedom, and adventure. Through the Kent’s remarkable ongoing journey, Jason’s riveting letters from behind bars, and true “grace place” stories from the lives of others, Between a Rock and a Grace Place reveals that when seemingly insurmountable challenges crash into our lives, we can be transformed as we discover God at work in ways we never imagined. With vulnerable openness, irrepressible hope, restored joy, and a sense of humor, Carol Kent helps readers to find God’s “grace places” in the middle of their worst moments.
About the Author
Carol Kent
Carol Kent is the bestselling author of When I Lay My Isaac Down and A New Kind of Normal. Carol is an expert on public speaking, writing, and on encouraging people to hold on to hope when life’s circumstances turn out differently from their dreams. She lives in Florida with her husband Gene.
Carol Kent is a popular international public speaker best known for being dynamic, humorous, encouraging, and biblical. She is a former radio show co-host and has often been a guest on Focus on the Family and a featured speaker at Time Out for Women and Heritage Keepers arena events. She has spoken at The Praise Gathering for Believers and at Vision New England’s Congress. She is also a frequent speaker at Women of Virtue events across the country.
Questions/Answers from Carol Kent
What are “grace places,” and how can hurting people in need find them?
All of us experience tight spots when life turns out differently from our dream. When we face the overwhelming obstacles of life, we can experience the last thing we ever expect—the sweet spot of grace. Grace places have a variety of forms, but some include:
Receiving love when we don’t deserve it
Finding safety in the middle of a fearful and uncertain experience
Being comforted by friends and family (people who are extensions of God’s love)
Experiencing the embrace of God when we have run out of strength and courage
“Grace means the free, unmerited, unexpected love of God, and all the benefits, delights, and comforts which flow from it.” (R.P.C. Hanson)
How important are contentment and gratitude in finding grace and peace?
My son, Jason, is teaching me that I need to choose contentment and thanksgiving in all things. As an inmate in a maximum-security prison, all of his personal items must fit in one small one-foot-high and one-and a half-feet-deep and two-and-a half feet long steel lockbox. He has learned to live comfortably with very little, which brings him a surprising sense of peace.
When I was visiting him one weekend I asked how he holds on to hope in the middle of a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence. He said, “Mom, I have a gratitude list. Whenever the clouds of depression try to discouragement, I get out a piece of paper and write down everything I have to be thankful for. I’m thankful I have two parents who will be my advocates for as long as they live. The average number of years a lifer gets visits is five years and then no one comes anymore. I’m also thankful I can be a missionary on a compound that houses up to 1,700 men.” I’m learning from Jason that I find contentment when I choose to be thankful and when I invest my time in helping other people.
What are some unexpected gestures of kindness you’ve received in the past, and how did they help you through difficult times?
A couple of years ago Jason’s appendix ruptured and he was rushed from the prison to a civilian hospital. Gene and I were not allowed to know where he was and I prayed for someone to care for him as a mother would. He had two armed guards in his room at all times. Nurse Betty was assigned to Jason’s care. She treated him with respect and extraordinary care—and I knew she was a direct answer to my prayers. A group of people who called themselves our “Stretcher Bearers” received an e-mailed monthly update on how to help with our needs. We were blessed with meals, cards, and financial gifts, often just before we needed extra funds for the next legal payment. These amazing people waited with us for two and a half years through seven postponements of the trial.
Tell us about the Christmas gift you received. How did it help you to find grace in the middle of a seemingly hopeless situation?
Two weeks before Christmas our doorbell rang at 9:15 p.m. It was dark outside and by the time my husband, Gene, joined me at the front door, we were surprised to find no one there. It was already dark, but my eyes fell on a large, exquisitely wrapped gift. The card on top said, “Mom.” Initially, it felt like a bad joke. Nine years earlier our son, a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy had been arrested for murdering his wife’s first husband and he was in prison serving a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence.However, I am a “Mom” and the package was left on my doorstep, so I opened it. The note appeared to be in my son’s unique handwriting. The note expressed his deep love for me and his gratefulness for what I had done to help him since his arrest. He said a “friend” had helped him deliver the surprise. Opening the box, I discovered a gorgeous russet-colored silk jacket—and it fit me perfectly.That night I discovered something new about God and something I had forgotten about myself. He loves to interject divine surprises into our lives. His timing is always perfect, but it had been a while since I had been surprised by joy, wonder, and grace in the middle of one of the tight spots of life.
How has your definition of adventure changed over the years, and why is it important to retain adventure in your life, despite your situation?
True adventure is seeing the potential of living for things that matter in the middle of your current circumstances. We had the adventure of launching a nonprofit organization that helps to empower our son to facilitate classes by having books and DVD teaching series sent to the prison. We also have the adventure of reaching out to other people who are in crisis, which brings purpose and deep meaning to our lives.
There is a theme of surprise throughout the book. What is one of the greatest surprises you’ve had?
The powerful story of Tammy Wilson and Matthew Ben Rodriguez is in this book. Tammy contacted me after I spoke at an event she attended because my son is incarcerated in the same prison where Matt, the man who killed her mother thirteen years ago is incarcerated. She had been praying for someone to lead Matt to Christ and asked if Jason would try to meet him. It turned out that Jason and Matt were already friends and this amazing story is one of forgiveness, redemption, and restoration that can only be explained in the supernatural dimension.
Between a Rock and a Grace Place releases 10 years after your son, Jason, was sentenced to life in a maximum security prison and includes excerpts from Jason’s letters. Can you tell us how he’s doing now?
He has just taken his 8th group of men through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University Course and he will be facilitating a biblical counseling class on marriage and family this fall. He has a prayer group of twelve inmates who fast and pray for the needs of each other and their families. Prison is a depressing, dark, and sad place, but Jason is living for things that will outlast him.
When you received news about Jason’s clemency hearing being denied, how did you respond?
I wailed like a baby, sobbed, felt angry, hurt, and disappointed in God. Then we saw Jason a day after this devastating news. He was calm and very much at peace. He hugged me as I wept and said, “Mom, this case isn’t about having the best attorney or about having the favor of Florida’s top executive political leaders. If I am ever allowed to walk in freedom in this lifetime, it will be because God miraculously opened a door that was closed.” My son helps me to develop an eternal perspective and that day he comforted me.
What advice do you have for those who are stuck between a rock and a grace place?
In the middle of your own hurt reach out to someone else who needs help worse than you do. When you involve yourself in meeting the needs of others, you discover an unexpected freedom on the inside. Corrie ten Boom once said, “What did you do today that only a Christian would have done?”
As a result of your journey, you and your husband have founded the nonprofit organization Speak Up for Hope. What are the goals of the organization, and how can people get involved?
Our vision: To help inmates and their families adjust to their new normal.Our mission: We exist to provide hope to inmates and their families through encouragement and resources.Please go to http://www.speakupforhope.org for a list of practical ways individuals, churches, and organizations can help with specific projects. Our goal is to live out the truth of Prov. 31:8-9: “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-out. Speak out for justice. Stand up for the poor and destitute!”
Where may we connect with you further or to purchase a copy of Between a Rock and a Grace Place?
I would love for you to visit my web site at www.CarolKent.org, browse through the various events and other resources available. You may also join me on my Facebook page, please click here.
This has been a huge thrill, blessing, and honor for me to share Carol with you. When I met Carol at E-Women three years ago, I had no idea her ordeal. She was simply one of the speakers and I was a worker in the Green Room (That’s where they keep the food — go figure) I was struck by Carol’s laughter, intelligence, strength and kindness. Carol lights up a room when she enters. Not in a here I am sort of way, but rather a “there you are.” — she’s always happy to see whomever is there.
I had over heard Carol speaking to someone about a homiletics class she had just finished teaching in Washington and I whispered to another volunteer “What I wouldn’t give to go to something like that.” Carol heard me. She stopped mid sentence, looked me in the eyes and gave me her web address and invited me to Grand Rapids for her next class. Carol didn’t know me from Eve. I was thrilled and signed up as soon as I got home that night. Carol, I discovered is a certified Bible Study Fellowship Instructor, and has an incredible depth of knowledge when it comes to scripture. Granted, this isn’t the time or place to share that story, but I get to share this wonderful woman with you today and that thrills me! Whether you enter to win, or buy the book yourself you will be blessed beyond measure.
Until next time,
Deana
Disclosure Notice: A complimentary copy of this book was provided to me as a blog tour host by Zondervan in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services at www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com for more information about blog tour management services.
While putting together this new blog format and platform, I ran across my Nicole Johnson files. I first discovered Nicole when I was at Women of Faith back in 2004. Most of her sketches were humorous that year and being of the bulimic mindset that if a little is good well then the whole thing must be wonderful, I bought her entire set of videos and watched them all in one sitting.
I do that you know, binge on things other than food. That’s part of what this whole blog series is about, the effects bingeing and purging, and trying to find balance and peace instead of control. I don’t just eat one cookie, I eat the whole bag. I don’t just buy one book, I buy the whole set. If I find a sweater I like, I buy every color in my size. I don’t just join a health club to rehab my knee I, fill my living room with machines and wear myself out.
After a while guilt kicks in and I have a garage sale and purge my home of all evidence of my extremes.
Fortunately for me, I hang to my DVDs.
This particular video is on Nicole’s Fresh Brewed Life You Tube page, and I think it’s very profound. This sketch was written for the Revolve Tour for teens and speaks to the baggage we all carry around with us. Enjoy. Please note that the young woman acting in this video is not Nicole but rather a young woman named Katharine. Katharine Everett is a graduate from Baylor University and is a gifted and I dare say anointed young actress who really brings these sketches to life.
This post written by Deana O’Hara for Confessions of a Spiritual Bulimic, all rights reserved. September 18, 2010. Confessions is not a bible study or teaching, but rather a resting place for the stories of my life as I learn to give them voice. In everything, test the Spirits, go back and look up the scriptures mentioned, read the commentaries and learn for yourself what God’s Word would reveal to you. Disclaimer: No goods or services were received in exchange for this post. I only write about resources that I find encouraging and want to pass on to others.
Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Real Women
Real Life
Real Hope
I can still remember the day back in 2004, that my friend Rita stopped me in the hall, pointed to me and said, “YOU need to go to Women of Faith this year. It’ll change your life.” I seem to think I rolled my eyes at her and laughed. I was tired, beaten down with life and grief (I’d buried 10 friends that year), and frankly I was not in the mood for some churchy, happy, smiling faced, woman’s conference. I was falling apart and the last thing I wanted to do was sit around and listen to a bunch of women who had it all together tell me how great they are. Don’t mind my pity party or self loathing – or the fact that I lived in constant comparison at that time – and always (in my opinion) fell short of everyone else – I was apparently enjoying it because I stayed there for an awefully long time. There is defeat brought on by life and there is the kind of defeat brought on by ourselves – I was losing hope.
The truth is, I was already secretly handing in my ministry resignation to God — going to a conference was not (in my opinion) going to fix me. I’d already convinced myself that I was too broken to be of any use anyway. Basically while I hadn’t given up on God, I had pretty much given up on myself – and thought he has too.
Ever been there?
Feeling smug in my ability to ignore my friend’s recommendation, I was not amused when I got a flier in the mail inviting me to a Women of Faith Conference in Oklahoma City. Nor was I amused when a gal in my bible study announced that she was going and wanted someone to come with her and decided it would be me.
I’m a believer that God speaks through people. When I hear something once I might pay attention — but when the message comes to me three times in one week, I’ve learned to listen even when I have a broken heart.
I’ll never forget that first conference. I was introduced to wonderful teachers and speakers like Kathy Troccoli, Sheila Walsh, Patsy Clairmont, Luci Swindoll, Thelma Wells, and Marilyn Meburg. I laughed. I cried. I learned and I leaned into Christ for two solid days. I had no idea Christian women could be so honest with eachother. Chonda Pierce was even there – which is how I met her, but that is another story.
I knew then and there, if I only go to one conference a year WOF was it. Every year, God breaks my heart open just a little bit more and makes room for His healing touch in my secret places. He fills my heart with scriptural truths, joy, and tears and faith in what He alone can accomplish. This year was no different.
This year I got to go with a bunch of gals from my church who had never been before and since it was in Tulsa they thought “Why not.” — What a joy it was to be there with them, laugh and cry with them — and stretch out to God with open arms — knowing that He was reaching back. One of the gals even asked if it was always like this and when I said yes, she said “oh this is a no brainer, I’m coming back next year.”
How cool is that?
Women of Faith is totally Christ focused. It’s full of gifted communicators and teachers who share their life stories, and share a faith in Jesus that always leaves me astounded – and hungry for more. I love it.
I’ll give you a brief recap of the Imagine Tour and some of what we learned. If you want to know more about the speakers, just click on their names to go to their web pages.
Marcus Buckingham: In a world that mainly focuses on fixing what we’re weak at, author and speaker Marcus Buckingham offers a rather different paradigm. Marcus believes that our strengths are gifts from God and he suggests that we find what we are strong at, and grow in those areas. Now I’ll be honest I reviewed Marcus’ book Find Your Strongest Life Now a few months back and I had a hard time reading through it at first. It’s a bit too technical for me. I read a page of credentials and my eyes start to roll back into my head, but that’s just me. Once I saw Marcus speak and explain his thoughts at WOF’s opening day, I gained new insight into what it means to use the gifts God has given us – not for ourselves – but in order to make a difference in the world. Strongest Life is definitely one for the tool box. Marcus has put together an easy test that helps you find your strength categories. I’m a Creator/Teacher. If you’d like to take his simple test, simply click Strong Life Test. and see for yourself. – and remember, this is just a tool — Our toolboxes are only as useful as the tools we place in them. I like adding things to mine.
Lisa Harper: My first question is how did this wonderful bible teacher keep from being on my radar all these years. I really like this woman. She’s bright, funny, intuitive, and scripturally sound – I could relate to Lisa on almost every level. I say almost, because I haven’t lived through everything she has. But close. Lisa talks about a personal relationship with a God who is passionate, powerful, loving, and untamed. She speaks of a Hero in her life – named Jesus and what he has done and continues to do. She speaks about the women in his life from Mary to Martha to the woman in rags, she speaks of His grace, forgiveness, attention and love that he displayed towards them and continues to display towards us today. My only regret was not taking notes — I really wish I’d done that.
Luci Swindoll: How do you describe a woman like Luci? She’s a painter, a singer, a liver and lover of life. She is passionate about everything she does and brilliant to boot. What I originally liked about Luci was her common sense approach to living out her Christian walk. She embraces the life God has given her and does her best to live it out to his glory and not her own. She’s a giver in every aspect of living. She spoke about the importance of feeding our souls – with important stuff, not stuff of the world, but stuff of God’s gifts to the world – she is also careful to remind us not to be selfish with that, but to share with others.
Sheila Walsh: Even though Sheila is second on the roster, I’m writing about her last. I cried my eyes out the first time I heard Sheila speak – her story is so profound and heartbreaking and refilling all at once that you can’t help but be moved by it. I’ve had a wonderful time watching Sheila grow over the last six years. She is a beautiful, anointed, and gifted teacher, singer and speaker. I can only describe this journey as watching her grow into her skin and be happy there. She’s British (or maybe Scottish, I’m not sure) and it’s easy to mistake the posture that comes with it as cold assurance – when in reality I find Sheila to have this tender heart that just melts anyone’s who knows her. She teaches with clarity and focus and apparent confidence. This year she taught on trust — she spoke of Gideon and Abraham – and to quote my girlfriend – she got “in my business.” and I love it. She has a very gentle and affirming way of combining Gospel and Law in life changing lessons. If you saw only her — it would still be worth the price of the entire weekend.
There were more speakers and skits and singers but it would take a whole week to write about them. They are all wonderful teachers and inspiring women who speak of a faithful and true God. If you’d like to know more about Women of Faith please see their web page at www.womenoffaith.com
Have a blessed Monday ya’ll
This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved. Please note that no goods or services were exchanged for this blog post. I am simply sharing my personal opinion on valuable resource.
Pictures aren’t allowed. I wanted to take a photo of D-man with his permit, but he won’t let me. We got it yesterday. The permit that is. The licence will come in six months after he logs the hours and classes needed, as well as passes the state drivers test.
It took longer than we wanted. He’d actually passed the written test in June. Then we had to wait on the neurologist to see us, file paper work and wait for the state to say yes. D-man had to be seizure free for a year before they’d let him drive. His last seizure was October 5, 2008 – I think we’re good. I’m excited for him and scared all at once. He’ll have to see a doctor regularly and have forms sent in for approval every year for the rest of his life — but he can drive. That is exciting.
People ask me about Letting Go a lot. I’m not sure why I get asked, but I did write a short piece on it a while back and that does prompt questions. (http://deanaohara.com/2009/07/11/letting-go-let-go-and-let-god/) forgive me for the lack of appropriate hotlinking, wordpress seems to be fritzing on me tonight.
I will share that that one piece gets more hits than all of my other stories combined. I guess letting go is a big topic for people today. What I know today will change tomorrow. Life has a way of doing that. Letting go means a lot of thing – to me the phrase Let Go and Let God is reflected beautifully not only in Proverbs 3,5-6 but also in the serenity prayer — posted here in it’s entirety. My favorite line? “Taking as He did, this sinful workd as it is and not as I would have it; TRUSTING that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will.”
Allison Bottke (God Allows U-Turns and Setting Boundaries at http://www.allisonbottke.com/ ) wrote this in her blog today ” And I thank God for the ever-increasing knowledge that if we obey God’s calling, He will provide the needed strength.”
There is more truth in that statement than there are hairs on my head – and if you know me you know that I have hair bigger than the state of Texas so that is saying a lot.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths
Proverbs 3, 5-6
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” – Maya Angelou
Deana O'Hara - Speaker, Comedian, Writer 