Category: authenticity

Of Whine and Roses

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“When you do tell your story, don’t sound like the victim. If you do, you’ll sound like you’re whining. Just be truthful in telling your story and aim to discover that slice of humanity that others can relate to.” David Pierce, author of “Don’t Let Me Go.”

Ever pick up a case of the whines without realizing it? I do that and I don’t mean to. I hate it when I catch myself doing it too. When sharing facts, I can forget the good pieces that came of whatever situation it was. Case in point. I went through an incredible season of sifting that has brought amazing fruit and yet these places in my heart are still tender, still mending, and giving voice to them, hurts a little and it comes out all wrong. I caught myself doing that a lot last week at the Cove and man did that ever frustrate me.

I learned so much in that season several years ago. I learned about letting go, about not having to be the Christ for everyone I meet, about boundaries, fear, idols, and about trusting God. Mostly, I learned how to play for an audience of One. Those are wonderful gifts to share. When I remember to share them that is. The problem is, I don’t always remember.

I know that I am not the first person in the world to feel forsaken or to feel like I’ve been handed over to Satan on a silver platter – as if to say, “Here, she won’t listen to me so you have a go at her.” I’m inspired by authors who are willing to tell the truth. Men like Philip Yancey who seem to bleed when they write. In a good way. Me? Sometimes I bleed, sometimes I vomit. Mostly, I stuff.

That paints a lovely picture, doesn’t it? Instead of the cute Irish Chia Pet, I’m that baby on the commercials buying stock and spitting up all at the same time. Ewww.

So how do I find that balance that David talks about? Talking with people I trust. Learning how to say I know there is something in here that can help someone else, please help me find the right words.

4852_90879174043_821739043_1848473_4212151_nbMy husband caught a great quote of mine last week. The ice storm of 2007 destroyed all of our trees and instead of shade we now have sunshine and I planted flowers. Was it a lot of work? Oh yes. Clearing out dead trees and building beds IS hard work and yet- out of the storm came sunshine, and new life and a new creaton and that is a good thing.

Cliff Diving in Oklahoma, Lessons on Letting Go

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CCA Conference-14My son Charlie jumped off a cliff last month while in Belize, answering the age old question  “If your friends all jumped off a cliff would you do it too?”

Apparently the correct answer is “YES Mom, I would. “

Cliff jumping was his moment of facing his fears (heights) and even though it goes against every motherhood protective instinct I have, I’m proud of him.

Charlie faces two more cliffs when he gets home; High School graduation and delivering his Valedictorian speach. My son faces his fears valiantly. I could not be more proud.

He will go on to jump off more cliffs in life – college, dating, working, marriage, etc.. and I know that God will be with him and it’s okay  even if my heart doesn’t want to let him go.

As  this season of “Charlie’s Mom” closes a little for me, I know that I have my own cliffs to face. Letting him go is just one of them. I also have a 16 year old at home who wants to be let go of as well. Dillon is learning how to drive and wants all of the freedoms that come with that.  

With Dillon’s epilepsy, I’ve had a hard time letting him go. When it comes to him, I’m more of a helicopter Mom than anything else. As time presses forward, I know that I need to learn how to step back more and let him try his wings, lest I cripple him before I let him go. He and I are both standing on the edge of that cliff, looking at the river below – there will come a day, too quickly for me, where jumping will be necessary and not optional.

In letting go, I’m learning how to try my own wings. I jumped off my own cliff this week. I drove to Nashville, went to the Christian Comedy Association Conference and did a three minute stand up set during open mic in front of some of the biggest names in Christian Comedy today.

I wanted to throw up.

But I didn’t.

The trick to surviving cliff jumping – is to not do it alone.  Charlie’s friends were all waiting for him in that River and in that graduation hall – they cheered him on. They bandaged eachother’s nicks and scrapes up afterwards as well.

My friends and I are facing empty nests together – we aren’t alone on that cliff. And as for comedy, I’ve been staring at that cliff for several years now. This year, I jumped and in doing that, I found new friends waiting in the river.

What cliffs are you facing today?

Keep Telling Your Stories

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I wake up some days on top of the world. Other days I wake up feeling like I would rather be under my blankets. I am woman, and I can be moody. If you read my blog, you know that about me.

You also know that I have a tendancy to compare my insides with other people’s outsides and sometimes I think my “story” isn’t worth telling. Nobody really wants to hear about a kid that tried to join church after church, only to be turned down because I was too young. No one cares that my neighbors took me to church as a teenager or that the first “evangelist” I heard was a child star from the popular show from the 70’s and 80’s and that God spoke to me through her.

I get confused and think my story is trivial compared to the ones out there, and then I remember that my story, really is his. And when I’m filled with doubts, God uses someone else to speak to me again.

Today is the 15th, that means I log on to Beth Moore’s LMP blog and post my memory verse. While I was there leaving my verse, I read this:

 

 

Keep telling your stories, Sweet Siestas. Don’t decide it wasn’t that big a deal after all…or that maybe you made it up, or that maybe it was just a coincidence. It was GOD. Revelation 12:13 says we overcome the enemy by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimonies! Let’s open our mouths wide and tell it. – Beth Moore

That is a now kind of word for a now kind of need.

What is funny is my memory verse is straight out of Philippians 1:6 – “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion unti lthe day of Christ Jesus.”

How appropriate is that?  This little girl that no church wanted as a child, has confidence today because of Christ and HIS work that he carries out daily, hourly, moment by moment, to completion.  He doesn’t get board with you or with me and leave us half finished. He COMPLETES his work in us. The enemy is overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by our testimony.

Be blessed. I am.

 

 

Hack “The Shack?” – I don’t think so

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Pastors all over the world are divided. That is a given.  I mean that with far more grace than black and white type on a blog can convey. Having said that, I’m pleased to see a non-biased review of William Paul Young’s book The Shack in a Lutheran Magazine.

Mainline Protestant churches can be a little biased, so for me to see us step out a little and acknowledge the good along side of the “what we disagree with” is a blessing.

The author of this review is LCMS pastor, Rev. Steven B. Borst from Riverside, California. He surprised me by not just hacking the book, like many are doing these days, but rather embracing both the good and the questionable pointing out a major plus in this book.

According to Pastor Borst, “The Shack deals with life under the cross and is not afraid to venture into the deep mysteries of faith.”

We live life under the cross. Life is messy. It is complex. And sometimes, life hurts. And like William Young, or even his main character Mack, we live in a fallen world where losing our innocence, hope, and faith is a part of this life.  Hopefully, in time, we find ourselves facing that empty shack, that place where sorrow and hope meet and we find God waiting for us.

My only question in the review was the author’s suggestion that William Young have sought out clergy who could have helped him with his “doctrinal problems.” Sounds easy and is good advice to be sure. My only problem with that is pastors and Christians, as a whole, don’t always agree on doctrine even within their own denominations.  Case in point: I spent three years working along side three very gifted pastors not too long ago, we even had a vicar my last year there. I can remember countless times when I would ask doctrinal questions, during devotions, and I would get four different answers from these men. If I had not been taught how to study the Bible Inductively, (By my former pastor and his wife) that would have seriously confused me. Instead, I walk away from those encounters both amused and deeply convicted that I need to study deeper to seek God’s answers and not just man’s interpretation. Ponder the pastoral wisdom and answers yes, and then match it against God’s true word. Every teacher makes mistakes – God’s Word, however, is inerrant. And no teacher is in place of the Holy Spirit and that includes me.

My question to Pastor Borst would be, “Who should William have asked?” Maybe he did ask and got conflicting answers like I do so many times, or maybe he simply wrote this as fiction and not as anything more.

My question to you dear readers – is who do you ask? And what do you do if you get conflicting answers?

Meet CJ Rapp this Sunday

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Author and Speaker, CJ Rapp

Have you ever been called names, as a kid maybe, or worse, as an adult? I have.   Have you ever received these lies as truth? Been there, done that as well. I’ll spare you the gritty details, just know that I have. Okay? 

There is an old saying that goes along the lines of “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” There is a lie straight from hell if I ever heard one. Names hurt. Lies hurt. And so many of us, get stuck looking through the wrong mirror that we lose our focus on who God says we are.

I’d like you to join me on Sunday while I interview Christan Speaker, Author, and Bible Teacher, CJ Rapp.  CJ has written a new 30 day devotional titled I AM says “You Are…” This study is  is designed to allow women to embrace their rock solid identity in Christ and get rid of the lies we’ve carried around with us for so long.

Join us on Sunday to find out more about the wonderful and timely Word for all women today.

I Got Nothing…

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Have you ever had one of those weeks where by Friday you did not want to handle one more phone call, one more email, or one more person at the door?

That is me this week.

I chewed out my son’s principal, only to find out that I did not have the whole story. At least I was calm in my I think you own me an explanation remarks. I was clear, concise, and respectful with my concerns and asked for an explanation.If the facts had been correct, he would have had one, but they weren’t. He did tell me that I was a lot nicer than he would have expected given the information I was handed. That did not make me feel better. Knowing that my son lied to me and played a deep victim in this situation hurt my heart.

My friend’s mother in law passed away and today was the funeral. I got to be there for her.

My Dad is sick.

There are things going on with my boys I cannot write about. Not yet anyway. What I can say is my oldest is graduating highschool in a month, and my youngest has serious self esteem issues that I do not know how to fix.

And other things I cannot write about.

What has me so fried right now, is the fact that I am powerless over every single thing that happened this week. I cannot fix, control, or change any of it. I don’t like that. I took most of my nervous energy out on my gardens yesterday, and I’m working on setting those blog posts up. My gardens are a place of healing for me. It’s a place where God and I get to meet almost face to face, and I love it. It’s also a place where I have some control. I design it, and plant it. I build and have a hand in creating beauty. It is renewing for me. I wanted to do the same today, but it’s been pouring rain all day. I’ll be back at it tomorrow.

What do you do when you are overwhelmed? Where do you go for rest?

Authenticity Begins with Christ

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“How do you live an authentic life without being so transparent that your story speaks louder than God’s?”

I love the fact that part of our little mission team, full of passion, joy and praise for God – asked that question on Sunday night. I love this question because it has given me something to chew on. Something to take back to God, ask about, reflect on, and dig up. It’s given me a chance to learn something new. It’s a question with depth, and meaning. It’s a question I cannot presently answer in a three point post which means that God wants to teach me something. This blog post is, in a great sense, my discovery journal. I will be sharing the points that answer this question as we find them over the next few weeks –

I’ve asked this question on twitter and facebook and have gotten some excellent replies. Some people think it’s a great question and are pondering it themselves now. Others are asking if it’s possible to allow our story to speak louder than God’s. After all, God is God and we are not.

There is truth in that – God’s story is, was, and always will be bigger than ours – as it should be. Our point in asking this question though is more about how well do we (as humans and as his servants) tell God’s story not just on stage, or behind a podium, but in our lives. We want to be authentic, we want to be transparent and we want to be wise in both.

Why is this question important to me? It is important because I haven’t always been the most authentic or transparent person in my life. I used to take privacy to unhealthy levels and hid behind a heart full of fear and hurt. I’ve shared stories over the years about the lengths I’m capable of going to in order to protect and hide my heart. I can even laugh about them today. I’ve also had times where that pendulum swings the other way where I’m overly transparent, telling people far more about my life than they really wanted to know or worse – more than they could emotionally digest. I’m thankful to God, and my friends on this journey who walk with me, and love me through those stages of life. These people help me to define my communities and appropriate boundaries, but most importantly they keep me focused on Christ.

The path to authenticity for me, starts with believing and not just hoping. I am learning that a heart that loves God first and foremost and knows his forgiveness is a step in the right direction. Taking it from my heads to my heart isn’t always easy. Those 12 inches from my brains to my hearts can seem like miles. It took God a long time to help me go from “I hope” to “I know.”

– “Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief.” is a powerful prayer.

Living an authentic life has to start with Christ. I have to be real and authentic with Him before I can ever be that with anyone else.

Until tomorrow.

Thoughts on an Examined Life.. Learning how to tell your story.

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“How do you live an authentic life without being so transparent that your story speaks louder than God’s?”

That was a question our team at Ablaze asked last night. We talked about it for quite a while and came back with some excellent thoughts that I want to share with you this week.

I don’t begin to claim that I have all the answers, because I don’t. What’s cool is, I’m still learning like everyone else. While I do tend to share on a more personally transparent level than some people are used to, I’m also learning how to keep the private stuff – well… Private. Otherwise I run the risk of glamorizing sin, inflating myself, or tempting comparison – “Wow she did that? I must not be so bad.” Or worse “That’s all she did. Now I know there is no way God is going to forgive me.”

I don’t ever want my story – to block out His. I am His story – I’m His creation – He has taken my life and created a new thing. That’s what I want people to see. That’s what we all want people to see – His story, not ours. That is why we asked the question we did.

Have Microphone: Will Tattle

I started speaking when I was 15. A family member had gotten sober three years earlier and people wanted to hear from me. They wanted to listen to a story about growing up in alcoholism. They wanted hope – but that’s not where I started.

Learning how to tell God’s story and not mine or theirs, is not the easiest line to walk. It takes practice. It takes time. It takes learning how to live an examined life. These stages can be true for someone in a recovery program or even for someone learning how to share their Christian testimony. I’ve seen it on both sides

There’s a progression from extreme privacy and secrets to authentic transparency. The kind of transparency that reveals God more than it does our underwear takes time to learn how to develop.

 

Some people catch on quickly, others not so much. When we first learn to tell our stories, we can sometimes begin by being emotionally bulimic. We talk about “them” in Technicolor detail. We talk about those horrible people who hurt us, who damaged us, who victimized us. Oh yes, for years no one listened, and now we have a captive audience. People who will just know how wonderful we truly are once they understand everything “they” put us through. (Super gluing wrist to forehead for effect.) Still blind to our own shortcomings (sins) we can be very harsh and judgmental at this stage.

 I Wanna Talk About Me

After a while, as we start examining our own lives with the help and guidance of others, we begin to see our story emerge. As we begin to take the focus off of them and put it back on ourselves, we learn how to tell our story. Our part in this thing called life. I don’t suggest speaking during this stage of recovery, or growth in Christ. The reason being, we can get stuck in the drama of the past, the hurts, the self-recrimination and shame. We turn the podium into some kind of confessional, laying all of our sins at the feet of those who came to witness. We’re still being bulimic – emotionally vomiting over the audience, using that time to show the world how messed up we really think we are. Telling my story too soon – can be detrimental, if it’s not sifted through God’s love and Grace.

I’ll write more this week about things we thought of. until then, please let me know your thoughts. Have you ever listened to a speaker in one of these two stages? What were your thoughts? How did it make you feel? Please leave a comment and let me know.