Category: Words of Encouragement

The Queen of Whine

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“Acceptance is not submission to a degrading situation; rather is it acknowledging reality and deciding what to do about it.” – One Day at a Time, AFG

I can be whiney.

Insert the hushed whisper by those who know me well here. “Whiney? You? No! Really?”

It’s true. I whine.

I ask why. A lot. Granted I do have the voice of reason (or schizophrenia, whichever) to quickly follow with either a snarky remark or wisdom.

Why did the laundry hose spray all over the laundry room today? At least the room smells Springtime fresh now. Not helping!

Why did the computer break right before Christmas? (Don’t feel too sorry for me, I do still have my laptop.)

Why can’t I be thin? (uhm.. maybe it’s the food you put in your mouth when you stuff your feelings?)

Why can’t people behave the way I want them to? — okay I really do wish they would here, but now do you always behave the way people wish you would? – Oh shut up.

Why didn’t anyone read my life script? – Because everyone has their own script to follow. But they are ad-libbing! I’m an introvert, I need my script. I can’t plan my brilliant responses if they ad lib! – Silence

Why doesn’t he ever pick ME?- Because he isn’t going to. Instead of getting your feelings hurt every year, face reality and move on. Do not try to control the situation by constantly reminding him how much you really want to do this — obviously he does not believe you are the right person for the job. It’s not personal, and even it if is, you can’t do anything about that.

Whaa whaa whaaa

Reality of life is simply this — like it or not we have absolutely no power of people, places, or things. The only power we have in choosing how to respond.

Rather than focus on what I cannot control today, equipment failures, dishonest and manipulative people, and rejection (I really hate that one), I can focus getting exercise and eating well, and celebrating the fact that our riding club (Stay in the Saddle) is going to be in the Christmas Parade.

I’m not being Pollyanna. I’m just choosing happiness.

What about you? Are you going to spend this day focusing on the things you cannot control? Or are you going to spend it focusing on the things you can control – yourself.

I hope you go out there and have a wonderful and happy day. And don’t forget to laugh.

Hugs!

Deana

 

 

 

No Longer a Vagabond

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A New Beginning. It still needs paint and such, but what a great start.

“If you are bored with life, if you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.” Lou Holtz

My husband surprised me this weekend by emptying the spare bedroom where he keeps all of his music gear. Once the room was empty he ripped out the carpet and laid new flooring. This will be my new office / art studio and the front living room will be our new music room; complete with french doors and eventually a baby grand piano.

For those of you who don’t know, J-man is a VP for a national telecommunications company by day and a musician by night. In other words, he’s an artist who can afford to eat.

Depending on who you are and where you are in your life this may or may not be a big deal. It’s a big deal to me though. I left Corporate America back in the 90’s to raise a family. That was a huge life change for all of us. I was raised to have a career, not raise a family. While that choice meant great sacrifice for all of us, being there for our kids while they grew up made the sacrifice worth it. This sacrifice also allowed him the freedom – and motivation – to pursue his career and take it as far as he is able. He works amazingly hard and does well, and I’m very happy for him.

Contrary to some people’s belief that I am “basically retired and living a life of leisure,” I consider being a stay home mom a full-time commitment and a job in itself. I am by no stretch a Martha Stewart. There are many women who do far better at this domestic goddess role than I. This explains why even as a Mommy Blogger I rarely wrote about domestic things. So not my forte’.

On top of being a SAHM, I’ve spent the last 14 years volunteering throughout the community and in school, as well as continuing my education. I even held a few part-time positions when certain financial needs arose. Our oldest is a junior in college and our youngest is a senior in high school. They are wonderful well-adjusted young men and I am proud of them both. While I realize this isn’t the choice for everyone, we as a couple, made the right choice for our family.

This season is coming to an end and it is time to look forward to a new beginning.

With corporate a distant memory, I’ve chosen to gather together the things I do well such as speaking, writing, and art and start my own company. Jeff bought me a laptop three years ago and I’ve been a writing vagabond ever since. I take my computer with me where ever I go. This has been wonderful so far but is also constraining. I need my own space to breathe, write, and create.

Even if he is getting another room down stairs, giving me his music room is no small feat. This is a tangible act of love and faith. Being married to a man who not only believes in me, but follows up on that belief with action is priceless.

This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved. 

I have a Speech Impediment: Totally Like Whatever, you know?

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Speak with conviction…. it’s not enough to question authority, we need to speak with it. – Taylor Mali

I’m taking a writing course right now on finding my writers voice and I love it. What I find interesting is that while people will tell me to write like I speak, I’d rather not. I shared with the group that I speak with a lilt a lot of the time. Meaning when I’m feeling insecure in my surroundings, which is more often than not, I use more of an interrogative tone than an authoritative one. I also abuse commas and semicolons.

This particular speech impediment is not caused by growing up in the 80’s.  Nor is it from some physical attribute such as a cleft palate. No. My speech impediment comes from fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of disagreement. Fear of being thought too forceful, too opinionated, too much, or perhaps too little. I am over coming that one truth at a time.

I discovered Taylor Mali this summer and have fallen head over heals in love with this man’s writing and his delivery. His use of humor and poetry to run home strong truths is like you know, awesome?

Enjoy.

Kindsight

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Three Choices

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I jokingly tell people “It’s always about me and the sooner we all get on the same page with that the better.” I’ve had a really crummy week y’all. Every inner voice imaginable has struggled to be heard, acknowledged, and at times smacked down.

I’d complain really, but the truth is none of the events of this week are really about me.

  1. I lost a friend to death on Monday. A high school friend suffered a pulmonary embolism on Monday sending all of us into shock and disbelief. I personally took her death really hard. She leaves behind a husband, a son, a best friend and many people who love her. While my grief is mine, her death is not about me. I can grieve and learn to let this go.
  2. A close family member is giving me fits. I’ve participated in their dysfunction for so long that I can no longer tell truth from fantasy. Again, while I play a part in this dance their issues and refusal to grow up really aren’t about me. I need to let it go.
  3. I joined a writers group this week with some fantastic writers. We are on a 6 week journey to find our real voices. This IS about me. This is my safe place. A place to process, grow, separate chaff from wheat and step into the wilderness of the unknown. THIS I have control over. This is a good happening.

Not everything that happens in the crazy mixed up planet of ours is about us. My first homework assignment for the group was to assess a poem by Mary Oliver called The Journey. What I discovered was not just one voice, but many. I had four days to read the poem and process my thoughts. A day makes all the difference. While processing this poem I met my ingenue, my wounded child, my victim and a new voice who is still trying to tie it all together before midnight tonight.

Wish me luck.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. Don’t Settle. RIP Steve Jobs 1955-2011

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I owe my career to Mr Jobs. It was his innovations that allowed me to work as a Sigma 7 Analyst for Motorola back in 1991. That job begat others. I often think that Apple really started it all – everyone else just copied what they did.

A friend of mine found Mr Job’s Commencement Speech to the 2005 graduating class of Stanford University. In it, he tells three stories from his life. Just three stories. Connecting the dots, Love and Loss, and Life and Death. Three stories with very profound messages. The video is only 15 minutes long and totally worth watching.

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” ~ Steve Jobs

Don’t Believe

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Lying can lead to depression

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How are you?

Just doing life. I’m fine. You?

Liar liar pants on fire!

Do you know what fine means? Feeling Insecure Neurotic and Emotional.

How many times do you or I have conversations just like that and we’re lying through our teeth? Why do we do that? Fear, Arrogance? Pride? I’m not sure. But we do.

We used to sing this camp song at school called, Going on a lion hunt.

Anyone remember the words?

Goin’ on a lion hunt.

Goin to catch a big one.
I’m not afraid.
Look, what’s up ahead?

Mud!
Can’t go over it.
Can’t go under it.
Can’t go around it.
Gotta go through it. [Make sloshing sounds and move hands as if slogging]

Life is like that sometimes. We might not intentionally go out hunting lions, but we come up on all kinds of obstacles.. and we can either wear ourselves out trying to force ourselves over, under, or around – OR we can go through it.

To tell you the truth, I’m not the best “goer through-er” kind of person. I’d rather see the issue and be over it already. I don’t like feeling raw and I don’t like the insecurity the unknown brings. Nor do I like the vulnerable feeling of letting someone else know I’m going through something hard.

Getting “over it already” is arrogant especially if I’ve minimized what’s really going on. Some life things really are hard.

Curling up and dying rather than deal with the issue is like trying to go under it. It buries you and solves nothing. I know, because I’ve been there — two years of depression. It was horrible. Thankfully – I’m out of that and far better.

Pushing it aside and trying to go around it by ignoring it doesn’t work either.

No.

The only honest approach – the one that gets any of us to the other side is to admit, “this is hard” – and then put one foot in front of the other and trust that you can and you will walk through it one day at a time.

You don’t have to be tough.

Or hold your chin up.

You can cry if you need to.

Laugh when you can.

Breathe in and out.

Stay in today.

And before you know, it’ll be tomorrow, you’ll be through it and you will be stronger.

But it all begins with telling the truth. What you find when you do that, when I do that, is people are far more understanding, helpful, loving, and compassionate than we ever imagined. By telling the truth we find our hope again and that’s a good thing.

This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved.

I Know Who I am.

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THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God’s child (John 1:12)
I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord(1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price(1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ(1 Cor. 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil. 3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God(2 Cor. 5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God(Rom. 8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15:1-5)
I am God’s temple (1 Cor. 3:16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God’s co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor. 6:1). I am God’s workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I have been adopted as God’s child (Eph 1:5)

I belong to God – A Child of the King

Forgiven My Past – Promised His Future

This isn’t mine, however I love these verses. In a season of change, where my children have grown, and my confidence falters, I find a gentle reassurance when I keep my eyes focused on Christ and who HE says I am. Enjoy this day of Sabbath rest knowing you are esteemed and loved beyond measure.

Put Some Tigger in Your Step

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I want to be a (Fill in the blank) _____________________________ (in my circle these days the blank is usually comic, but anything can go here)

what is the best advice you can give me?

My advice? Cheesy as it may sound, Be More Like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh.

  1. Be one of a Kind.  – Find whatever it is that makes you uniquely you and bring it with everything you have.
  2. Be a real Friend. – He may have gotten on their nerves a time or two, but in the end they celebrated friendships together. Don’t let petty squabbles, busy schedules or misunderstandings get in the way of friendship.
  3. Be willing to try new things. – Tiggers definitely don’t like honey, but he did at least try.  Who knows by trying new things, you may surprise yourself by finding new things you do like.
  4. Be able to Bounce. – The ability to bounce, whether it be forward, backward, up, down or just bouncing back is vital in this life. There will be obstacles to bounce over, disappointments to bounce back from, and goals that may require some bounce to reach.
And most importantly I leave you with this thought, it’s not what you do for a living that matters, it’s what you do for a life.
Live it with bounce.
This post written by Deana O’Hara, for Redemption’s Heart, August 14, 2011. All rights reserved.