No Forgiveness Offered or Needed

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I am a bit impulsive.

My friends who know me, are laughing right now I’m sure. “A Bit Impulsive Deana? You?” Okay maybe a lot impulsive with a strong dose of opinionated thrown in for good measure. The truth is, I love intelligent debate and conversations. I especially love it if I am discussing topics with people who know more than I do regarding a specific topic. Unless it’s about politics, then I am so far out of my league that I sink quickly into my own quicksand of stupidity. But anything else, is pure joy.

I’m from New York originally and back home we are passionate in our communication styles, with hand motions, body gestures and yes raised voices. We aren’t angry just excited. I’m learning how to modulate that for this part of the country, but I don’t always succeed. Some conversations are just too exciting for me. Especially if I’m learning something in the process.

I had a conversation with someone a while back regarding his theological views on liturgical worship. His stand is a rather strong one, falling to the right of middle straight to Roman Catholic High Mass. Mine, being part of a mission start, falls to the other side of the spectrum with contemporary worship and open liturgy. I met someone whose passionate communication style truly exceeds my own, and he’s a brainiac to boot (brilliant doesn’t even touch it) – it did not take me long to realize I was out of my league in this discussion, and I erroneously concluded that I had offended him by debating his stand and offered my apologies and asked for his forgiveness.

Why? because that is what I was taught to do.

His response astounded me. I don’t remember it verbatum but a very close paraphrase went like this – “You were simply offering your views for sake of discussion, there was no sin committed therefore no forgiveness is needed or offered.Peace.”

????????????????

That was a first.

I’m going to have to chew on that one a little longer.

Introducing “Nit” and “Wit”

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What is it about a fence, or a gate, or a door that drives dogs crazy? No matter how much room I give them to play in – they want more. Well, more really isn’t the right word, my dogs want THAT space to play in and explore and not THIS space that I’ve created for them.

Never mind that THIS space is ¾ of the back yard or that THAT space is only ¼ in size. Never mind that their spot is free from home renovation items, broken wood, poisonous plants and what not. Never mind that THAT space has a gate that doesn’t shut properly or that we live next door to a church and if they ran out, they could get run over. None of that matters to my dogs, all they know is OVER THERE looks a lot more fun and exciting than OVER HERE.

We even put in a doggie door on our back porch so that they could come and go as they please to their wonderful side of the yard. They can run, they can play, they can lay in the sun even if they want to. I put latches on the main porch doors so that the dogs couldn’t push them open and go out.

You can tell from this photo that my first attempt at latching the doors was not very effective. It did actually work on my Collie for a while.

Sheba loves to test boundaries and I’m convinced she is either ADD or a teenager. Every day she would test the doors to see if they were still shut. She would go around the back porch, lightly nudge at openings and when one finally nudged (the doggie door) she knew that was her exit. Slight resistance was all I needed to keep their boundaries safe. My other dog, the border collie, needed no such testing. He knew where his door was, and it was the only one he tried.

My locks and limits worked for a year. The meter man could come and go and the dogs would run to their side of the yard – through the doggie door and bark at the fence. The meter man was safe. I wish I could say the same for the plumber. Joe Plumber looks like (I’m not kidding) Larry the Cable guy. Apparently my dogs, don’t like Larry. Instead of running out to their side, my dogs hit the door instead. One harsh jump and not only did my latch break – so did “Larry’s” water. Yeah – that can ruin a day.

Knowing now that my boundary lines have failed, I installed a stronger lock. I was proud of myself. There was no way the dogs were going to be able to get through THIS puppy.

I was wrong – this morning I went outside and found this. I have a feeling new screening won’t be sufficient. It is back to the hardware store to find lattice work or something to NAIL to the bottom of my door.

You know, it’s really a good thing that I am smarter than my dogs. I mean when was the last time I wasted my days nudging doors to see if they were open yet, testing whether or not no still means no. And testing to see if the Narrow Gate is still the only way. I would never break through boundary lines to chase down people who don’t look right. I’m a pretty smart gal. Give me ¾ of the choicest yard to play in, safe from harms way and I wouldn’t dream of standing at the fence, wishing I could be on the other side.

Yeah, right.

Called by the Gospel and Encouraged by God.

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Most of you have read my previous blog “These Are the Days of Neurosis” and I just wanted to share the coolest thing with you. Well, it’s cool to me anyway.

Several people I know have been sharing this new year about fear and questioning, about encouragement and whatnot. A lot of us have been inventorying 2008, the blessings, the failures, the mistakes, all of it. And several have shared about a knowing need to return to the basics of faith. The simple things really that give us our foundation for encouragement and strength. Daily prayer time, memorizing scripture and whatever else. Not just just one or two people mind you – but like a dozen of people I know have shared this with me over the past week.

I’m excited really to know that I am not the only one who is easily distracted, who tires of projects before they are completed, who steps out and tries something new and meets fear first and answered prayer second. A friend of mine talked about fearless courage as her goal for this year and I thought that was cool – I’m not there – but I’m trying.

I finished the forms that freaked me out and will be mailing them today. In my morning prayers and devotional time I looked for passages on being called and being encouraged, and I found this.

God’s promises are true for all of us – for me and for you. Look at his promises in
2 Thessalonians 2:13-17

We are:

* loved “But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers, loved by the Lord,

* Chosen – because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth.
* Called – “He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

In knowing that. Knowing that we are loved, chosen and called, how can we not stand firm in what we’ve been taught.

* Encouraged and strengthened – So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

In another blog, I read and was reminded that God’s mercies renew each morning, and not just on New Years Day.

It’s a new morning, fear said it’s prayers and is encouraged. You and I get to stand firm and hold on. God will take care of the rest. He is our encouragement, he is our strength.

To Him be the Glory.

Angels Among us

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A former member of our church and youth group lost control of his SUV this weekend. *John crashed through a fence and into the bedroom of a brick home in Tulsa. He is presently in the hospital fighting for his life.

Our pastor has a close relationship with this young man and wanted to relay the rest of the story. Pastor went and visited the house Mark crashed into. The back bedroom where the SUV landed was the bedroom of three young girls. Laying in the debris and on top of the bed is a boulder too large for any man to lift. From the looks of the room there were no survivors – and yet there were three. Not one of those girls were injured even though they were in bed at the time of the accident.

Pastor asked the couple how that happened, and this was their story.

Dad heard the squealing breaks and the crashing noises heading toward the house. He ran back to get his daughters only to find out that they weren’t there. He yelled into the hall to his wife “Where are the girls!”

“What are you taking about?” She replied. “You just handed them to me.” And sure enough, there they were standing behind her.

A split second later, John’s SUV came crashing through that bedroom and the boulder landed on the girls’ bed.

In the seconds before the accident a man handed those babies to their mother. They asked Pastor who he thought it was. (This family doesn’t believe in God or angels) – he gave them the only possible answer – Jesus Christ Himself.

It may have been Christ, or it may have been an angel. It doesn’t matter – the fact remains – someone handed those babies to their mother – and now Mom and Dad, believe in something bigger than themselves.

I’m not surprised.

He’s like that you know.

God I mean.

*The name of the actual driver has been changed for the writing this story. The real young man is presently in a coma and is fighting for his life. We may never know what caused his accident.

updated 1/5/09 – he is out of his coma with no apparent brain damage. he does need multiple surgeries though to fix facial features and other issues. Please continue to pray for him. Thanks.

These are the Days of Neurosis.

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I have a New Year’s confession to make. My resolution for “faith not fear in 2009” expired on January 3 at 8:00 pm Tulsa Time. A personal neurotic fit quickly followed.

I will spare you the details – it was a simple questionaire that put me over the edge really – nothing more nothing less. A stupid piece of paper that had me stumped.

Today I taught my first Sunday School of the new year, and was happy to see women came back. – I took a full year off and wasn’t sure if they would, honestly. But they did, and it went well.

Pastor is doing a sermon series this month on Trust. Today was about leaning not unto my own understanding, but rather trusting God, with everything – for his ways are not my ways. And I can either take him at His word, or not. My choice. – Trust should be a verb he said – it’s shown through action and do my actions show that I trust God? sure they do, right up until I fall into the deep end of the pool without my floaties.

Earlier this evening, I sat down with my Bible in hand, and it occurred to me that I’ve been reading it for everything else – preparing messages, researching topics, etc. But I had not once since ThanksGiving I’m guessing – sat down and just read for me. I was in the middle of talking to God about the events of the last few days, my dreams for the future and my present frustrations. I was also telling him that “maybe I shouldn’t do thus and such, I mean it’s a big step and I’m probably just running ahead of myself again. Lord I need your wisdom.”

I was planning on going to psalms. Psalms are easy to find – open your Bible to the middle and go left. The binding on my home bible is busted and so it falls open rather easily. When I looked down to see where my hand had fallen, my eyes fell on the highlighted passage.

(Isaiah 41:9-10) – “I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’: I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will up hold you with my righteous right hand.”

The only question he had for me tonight was “Are you going to believe my promises from your brokenness and think they apply to someone else, and not you, or are you going to believe ME?”

I Love How God Works

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Ladies

I need to tell you something cool. I got bored a few days ago – okay, maybe bored isnt’ the right word – I needed some vegetation time that looked product so I ran to the internet searching for blogs. In looking through various blogs and finding new ones to read, I found a blog for Living Proof Live (Beth Moore and her daughters – see LMP on my side bar) The day I found it was the day she was asking people to commit to memorizing two scripture verses a month for 2009. I had no idea she was blogging and I chuckled at God because I already knew he wanted me back on that train this year. I’m guessing He just wanted to make sure I really knew that? He already knew I was going to facilitate one of her studies again this year – so why not go the extra mile and put into practice what I tell people, hunh? I’d kinda dropped that habit in 2008. Got busy and all. No excuse believe me. Anyway – I’m back on track.

Our pastor has changed his benediction for 2009 to Ephesians 3:16-19 and wanted us to memorize that. So my first few verses for January are chosen and I signed my little name in the comment box along with my verse. I broke it into three because it is kinda long for me.

But here is where God gets either too scary for me, or too funny, I’m not sure which.

I had prepared and chosen a Sunday School class for women at my church beginning in October. It’s a Bible Study by Kathy Trocolli (Seven Celebrations for the Soul – made for Life Today) and I just knew it was “the one.” Don’t know if you’ve been there or not – but it was a knowing, okay? Things got crazy in the fall and I had to postpone it to January. I had no idea why I couldn’t teach it when I wanted, but I just couldn’t.

Me being well, me – full of my own plans and ideas, I had really planned on doing my own introduction to it, not Kathy’s and just jumping right into the heart of the Seven Celebrations when something told me today, to not do that. Don’t ask.

So I revamped my plans, I layed down my nice lesson plan and watched the introduction, and lo – which verse do you think she pulled out for her intro? Pastor’s new benediction and my memory verse for January.

EPHESIANS 3:17-19.

17 “…so that Christ may dwell in your hearts – through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasph how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

I’m showing the introduction – written by Kathy – I’m not adding or taking away a single thing. God is God, He knows what He is doing and I am but his servant. And thankfully He knows that I am but dust.

If you cannot join us on Sunday Mornings, than go to the above link and buy your own copy – and start 2009 Celebrating God and Living Life Abundantly

Your dusty friend,
Deana

Epilepsy Claims Celebrity Son (Sad Blog Warning)

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This news report absolutely ripped my lungs out today. It hit a little too close to my heart and my deepest fears. John Travolta’s Son was found dead Friday. – John’s son Jette was only 16 and had epilepsy caused by a childhood illness when he was two. Jette apparently had a seizure in the bathroom and fell and hit his head. Autoposy results are pending.

Epilepsy isn’t supposed to be a death sentance. I know it can be. I know there are strands – rare strands – that are. But still. This one saddens me. And this is the second case I’ve heard about in just two weeks. One from my sweet friend in England who lost her baby girl to Wests Syndrome and now this story.

There are days I wish I didn’t have to remind Dillon to take his meds. There are nights I still jump up out of bed because I heard something, and find nothing but a sleeping child. There are days when he asks me to teach him how to drive, and I have to say not yet – six months seizure free and then I can teach you. And I feel, not quite pity, that’s not it, just kinda sad for him. If that makes sense.

And then I hear stories. I talk to Fi’s Mom about how we might finally have this undercontrol, having no idea they are fighting for their daughters life that week – and she loses – and I feel guilty even though I know I shouldn’t. I had no way of knowing. I knew they were in and out of the hospital, but I didn’t know how bad it truly was.

Please keep the Travolta’s and Fi’s family in your prayers this month.

Thanks.

ps.. for those who are wondering about Dillon’s Diagnosis – I never did post it – you can find more information here (ADNFLE). Thanks. I’ll write more about it later.

Seven Celebrations

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I just wanted to post a short note to remind everyone – and invite everyone to our new 2009 Women’s Sunday School Class. We are going to have a lot of fun this year, and learn a little while we’re at it. Our new class starts Sunday, January 4 at 9:45 am. Coffee and snacks will be provided. Just yourselves and your Bible.

Our overall class schedule for the year is still being formed, however we will begin 2009 with eight weeks of Kathy Trocolli’s series on 7 Celebrations for the Soul.

Come hungry, or thirsty but come ready to celebrate and learn to live like you mean it.

Surround Yourself With Mentors Girlfriend.

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If I were to have taken out a personal ad seven years ago, it would have read: 30 something year old Christian Female desperately seeking a mentor, male or female. Must be willing to stay around my whole life, love me for who I am, never correct me, forsaking all others, having time only for me, taking my side in all disputes, and must be willing to let me make you God.

I had mentors when I was younger. Every summer, I would sit with my Grandmother and her friends while they quilted or drank tea. Women used to be surrounded by other women who taught them by example. I’ve lost that. A lot of women my age and younger have lost that. Today’s generation has lost that connection, what with moves and careers. Our families are more and more extended and farther away than we like to admit. In losing that connection, we’ve lost our mentors.

I wanted and needed a mentor but my heart’s requirements were very immature. God in his wonderful wisdom – answered my unwritten want ad – with radio silence. Ever been there?

Eight years ago, my pastor and his wife took a call to St Louis. He had a dream of being a seminary professor and chose to follow it. We all saw it coming, but I was crushed. I’d never belonged to a church before, and they were my first taste and what Christianity at it’s best looks like. Both are brilliant people and both have a heart for leading, shepherding and teaching. There were still strong leaders within our church, who stepped up to teach and lead women while we waited for a pastor. And then they too followed God to other cities.

My tradition does not have an organized women’s ministry department per se’ . They do however have a women’s missionary league called LWML and they became my staying point for quite a few years. LWML as they call it is a wonderful group of ladies with a heart for God and for missions. These ladies work really hard at what they do. They were a safe place for me to spread my wings, and grow. They let me serve and they let me teach for a season. I just did not want to make a career out of it at the time and moved on for now. I’ll come back to it later. LWML is a wonderfulorganization with young children I just could not properly devote the time needed.

We changed churches so that my husband could be on the praise team, and I jumped right in to teach women’s Bible Studies, lead a prayer group, and went to work in a church across town as a receptionist. My confidence in God was growing as I spread my wings and trusted him with the results.

Then, through just a simple fact of life more men and women that I’d come to know and learn from died on me. I unexpectedly buried 14 friends in 18 months. I know it’s not as personal as I make that sound, but it sure felt like it at the time. I suddenly felt very much alone. These were my mentors, men and women I’d relied very heavily on to help me grow in my Christian faith and to help me learn how to live life on life‘s terms rather than my own. I had no idea what I was going to do without them.

What I didn’t realize at the time was how reliant I’d become on all of them to tell me what God really meant and who God really is. I had placed all of them above my relationship with Him. While answering my personal ad for myself, I did try to make mentors out of other people, pastors mostly, but I didn’t trust them like I did this original group and it wasn’t pretty. What with my never ending list of questions, my insecurities and fears of rejection and my inability to be transparent. I honestly went so far as to accidentally set my dress on fire (small fire) to hide the truth. When they proved themselves to be human and let me down by not being God – I didn’t know what to do. When God did place strong Christians in my life, I shook so badly it made them uncomfortable and I literally ran away from one or two people that He gifted me with.

I’d shared with someone a few years back that my husband was thinking about becoming a pastor and that I was terrified at the prospect of being a pastor’s wife. I wasn’t sure I was able to walk that path with him. Her advice to me was to surround myself with mentors. Easier said than done, I replied. My mentors have all moved away or died. How on earth was I going to achieve that? She smiled and gave me some things to ponder.

There are many types of mentors. The side by side mentorship that lasts a lifetime isn’t the only kind. Some mentors are simply seasonal, people God brings into your life for a certain time. I definitely had those. Then she asked me to identify my “shadow” mentors. A shadow mentor is someone I learn from whether I meet them or not. They aren’t friends, but rather people in the faith who teach, speak, or simply live. I can follow their examples, and learn from them as well. I discovered that I have a lot of those. Most are private people within my life that are a silent example of over coming. Joy – the gal who leads our mom’s group Bible Study “Bad Girls of the Bible” is one of them. She has a great gift for teaching and just has an awesome testimony to the power of God. I’ve read all of Liz’s Curtis Higgs books and even though we’ve never met, I count her as a shadow mentor as well.

I’m guessing you have shadow mentors as well and maybe like me, don’t realize it. In looking through my list of books, studies, web pages, conferences, and classes I found I had many mentors. God’s radio silence, was temporary. He filled that cup to overflowing in a way I could not have imagined. He did it, only after I made a fool out of myself with a few people and finally let Him be the side by side for a lifetime mentor that I craved.

Some of these I found in the library, some through other women, and others by being willing to be of service.

I haven’t met most of these people, only a few, and yet they are my mentors. Who are yours?

– I belong to a private board that has many women on it and we learn and share with each other.

– Flylady – I read about a woman in Dear Abby who helped other ADD women get organized. Her mantra at the time was do you live in CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) and at the time it fit me. Having failed at almost every other attempt at organization I’d tried, I decided to give this a go. Once I joined and started doing it, I found out that several of my friends use her system as well.

– Kay Arthur Lisa, my first pastor’s wife, taught precepts. I was so frustrated doing my homework that I whipped my Bible against the wall and busted the binding. I stuck it out, and Lisa took us to a conference where we got to meet Kay. I was so terrified that all I could do was shake and I couldn’t speak – that poor woman signed my book with Joshua 1:9- “be strong and courageous.” and even though I haven’t met her since, I consider her a shadow mentor. Not only have I studied precepts for years (inspired by my first pastor‘s wife), I get to teach others how today.

– Beth Moore – with Living Proof Live. I “discovered” Beth when our new pastor arrived and his wife (another Lisa) led one of her classes. I’ve never met Beth and yet I’ve been blessed enough to facilitate several of her Bible studies and see her speak with LPM. I also keep her CD’s in my car to listen to while I drive.

– Alicia Britt Chole – has mentoring moments on her web page and I’ve facilitated her bible study, Choices, at my church. Never met her, but God uses her in ways she doesn’t always see.

– Women of Faith – need I say anything about them? I took women to that for several years. They also did a mentoring series for a year that I took advantage of. They mentor long distance through transparency, sharing, and writing. Wonderful organization.

– Extraordinary Women Conference – again it’s a great conference, loaded with wisdom and grace.

– Chonda Pierce – This was God’s deal. I signed up for her newsletter at a WOF concert and wound up leading the Tulsa Turbo Hostesses when she came to town. Not only did I fall on my face my first try at that, I literally ran away from her. Her best friend Ali gave me a second chance. This time the concert sold out, and I didn’t run away. I still get to help her with concerts and I consider it an honor.

– Thelma Wells – mentors with intent on the You Go Girl Network and I get to be a part of that simply because I was willing to volunteer at a local conference that she spoke at and she kindly shared a part of herself with me.

– Speak Up with Confidence – I am an intentional student, and not rostered speaker with them. SpeakUP is loaded with mentors and life coaches. This is part personal growth, part career growth for me. Excellent teachers here.

– Ken Davis has a Professional Communicators Summit as well as Dynamic Communicator’s Workshops every year. – I’ve yet to be able to go and this is my year to do it.Because I do speak and do teach – this is a must attend on my wish list. I’ve never met him in persona, I have however, learned from his books, and dvds and I hope to keep learning from him. – This, like Speak Up, is a career choice mentoring deal for me. You may have other organizations that you learn from. Look for them and go to them.

That’s just a handful of people and opportunities out there. There are authors like CS Lewis, Phillip Yancey, Max Lucado, Billy Graham, not to mention books written by missionaries or evangelists or even by your own pastors. There’s just too many to name here.

I’m still in touch with my original mentors. They play a huge part in who I am today. God used them in a mighty fashion to plant seeds. He took those seeds – and many of us – and while it seems we are scattered across the nation – we are all connected in Spirit.

I begin 2009 with gratitude to all of my mentors: seasonal, intentional, and shadow. May God bless and keep you this year and always.

Philippians’ 1:3-11

Thanksgiving and Prayer
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Happy New Year Friends

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To all of my friends,

I wanted to write a simple note to thank all of you for walking with me in 2008. Your prayers, your encouragements, and your simple friendship mean the world to me. You know the real me. The woman who runs back to God, battered and bruised, more than she runs forward. The woman who is learning (with his grace) to find her own wings and fly under his.

This year brought many gifts that I do not fully understand yet. Gifts that were both seemingly good and seemingly bad. God’s ministry at Ablaze Church – and Ablaze World Wide is growing and we get to be a part of that. We lost my father in law and yet I know that he is home (heaven) celebrating with Jesus. We found answers regarding my son’s epilepsy – no they were not the answers we wanted and yet God’s grace keeps me from caving into the fear of what could be. Jeff’s band, Zion’s Fire is almost finished with their first CD (It’s being mixed as I write) and he is studying to be a pastor. Charlie is filling out college applications and getting ready to spread his own wings in the fall. (I’m so not ready – but he is).

Life continues to move forward for all of us.

I wrote about “favor” yesterday, and that really is for all of us who know Christ. Through his death and resurrection, we now have favor with God. He sees us through the blood of Christ. Our sins are forgiven – fellowship restored. While we as a body may not necessarily treat each other with favor, he does not treat us that way. His love endures forever. Nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

Pastor has a new benediction for 2009 and I leave for the same for you. I’ve made it my memory verse for January.

(Ephesians 3:14- 21) For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.