Perfectionism is self hatred in disguise.

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I would rather be naked than let you see me learn the banjo. That says a lot. I don’t do naked well. (Think Bob the tomato). Learning something new while people watch is apparently worse.

I call it being an introvert.

My husband calls it being a perfectionist.

Either way, I don’t like people seeing me or hearing me try something new until I master it.

The problem with that?

Life isn’t meant to be lived in a vacuum.

Truth is, I’ll let my husband see me naked, but I won’t let him sit out on the porch while I practice my banjo. For some reason I feel more vulnerable playing the banjo than I do in the nude.

Refusing to let my husband (he’s a professional musician on weekends) hear me play robs him of the joy of music.

I knew my anxiety level had reached an all time high when not only did I not want my husband to hear me play the banjo, I couldn’t play for my teacher either.

When we first started out with lessons — in May, I’d get so nervous that I made my instructor nervous.

That’s rough.

My husband finally offered me his great wisdom.

“This isn’t the Opry, it’s our back porch. Now lighten up and have fun already.”

I’ve been having a lot of fun since he said that. When I get frustrated (like I am tonight) I remind myself that I started playing the banjo on May 25 2012 and I missed three lessons in June because of traveling. So really, I’ve only been playing for four weeks. In those four weeks, I have learned chords, how to tune a banjo, how to read tabs, four basic rolls and now I’m learning slides.

My husband does not think less of me because I haven’t mastered this yet.

My instructor (who has been playing guitar for 40 and banjo for 3 years) does not think less of me because I’m not as good as he is.

Fact: I sing in the chorus of the second longest running presentation of Handel’s Messiah in the US. Have since 2000. I cannot read a lick of music. I’ve memorized the entire piece. That takes talent.

Learning how to create music brings me joy and will help me become a better songwriter.

Hating myself because I have the unrealistic expectation of mastering something over night (like slides) is ridiculous.

This isn’t the Opry.

It’s my back porch.

I hereby give myself permission to not be great while I learn with the knowledge that every time I try, I will get better.

What new thing are you trying to learn right now?

Are you willing to be kind to yourself while you learn?

Cycling update: Summer Heat and Mint Juleps

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First off, I had no idea that a mint julep was mostly bourbon. That would explain why southern women are so genteel — they’re smashed.

“Oh honey, I have the perfect thing for this terrible heat. Here have a mint julep, it’ll cool you right down.”

Cool me down? Knock me out is more like it.

Have you ever had a mint julep? It’s Southern Tea with a Kentucky Whiskey kick you never see coming.

They taste all cool and minty like. It’s like drinking double mint gum only you get green stuff stuck in your teeth. One glass of that and you really don’t care that it is 104 outside. You just want to melt into the porch swing and have another one.

I don’t suggest having another one.  unless you want to nap for a week or so. Just trust me. They taste really good and in this heat you really do want more. I don’t know why.

In light of that revelation and the desire not to be a puddle on someone’s porch this summer I believe I’ll stick with my zero calorie alcohol free Crystal Light thank you very much. I am supposed to be on a diet and all.

Rumor has it though Mint Juleps won’t ruin your diet and they “only” have between 150-220 calories a glass depending on how they are made. I don’t know if it ruins your diet or not, but I do know that telling yourself it’s too hot to ride your bike therefore you skip say the whole month of June, since you are traveling and all will.

I gained 10 lbs last month. Add to that the 10 I gained back during the Spring and I’m up 20 and flat back to where I started in November. Pound for Pound.

I was so proud of myself on June 2. I rode in the Tour de Cure for Diabetes and could have ridden longer. I celebrated my victory with being an absolute sloth for the whole month of June. I already have the metabolism of a sloth, remove the work out part of the equation and the weight comes back very quickly.

It wasn’t intentional. I was tired. Spring was busy. The end of senior year for my son was one event after another. Then in June I road tripped it to Nashville for the CCA Conference and while I could have used their workout room, I told myself that I “deserved” a few days off. Then I came home only to leave for NY two days later and well, there isn’t a gym at Mom’s house. Then last week it was in the hundreds all week and no way was I getting out in that kinda heat, you know?

So here we are. Or rather here I am. Back at square one.

One excuse after another and I’m back where I started.

I’ve been yoyoing for a year now. That can’t be good on my body.

Re-upping my commitment I did what any red-blooded American woman would do. I went shopping for bike gear and a pretty new helmet because we all know that shopping for workout clothes is just as good as actually working out, right? Okay not really, I just like to shop. Still I have bike only clothes.

The good news though is I have five new people signed up so far for my Tour de Cure Team next year. I’m hoping for more. My husband even joined the team. How cool is that? Now I have people to ride with and train with. It’ll be fun.

I have to get back on my bike now. I can’t very well lead a team, tell them we can do the 50 and not do the work myself. And yes, I said 50 FIVE OH! Miles. I had to make it 50. Now that I know I can do 25, I need a new goal. One that will require me to train or I won’t do it.

Here’s to starting over.

I’m not the first person who ever back slid with excuses. How about you? Do you need a do over button on your fitness plan? Why not join me and hit it today.

Let’s do it!

Almost Wordless Wednesday: Thelma Wells, the Uniqueness of Prayer

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How many of you have ever been to Women of Faith?

How many of you have heard of Thelma Wells? Also known as Mama T.

I had the awesome privilege of hostessing Mrs Wells when she spoke at E-Women in Tulsa several years ago. This woman has a mothering spirit so strong that I wanted to crawl into her lap. I listen to her when ever I can. God uses her in wonderful ways. Rejoice greatly oh daughter’s of Zion.

This talk was recorded on Mother’s Day at Trinity Church in Cedar Hill Texas this year. I hope it blesses you as much as it did me.

Enjoy.

To learn more about Mama T, you can check out her web page HERE

Why Redemption’s Heart; Between a Rock and a Hard Place

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Sometimes

………………..there are no good choices.

………………………Sometimes

……………………………..life throws us for a loop.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

2003 was just such a time.

The most interesting thing to me is while the year was stormy and my heart felt as if it had been broken into a million pieces, my walk with God has never been more intimate.

My journal that year reflects two prayers and only two.

  1. This hurts and I’m afraid.
  2. Teach me how to forgive.

In the midst of the storm, I lost sight of who I am. I allowed man to define my worth instead of God. Fortunately, God did not remain silent. We spent a lot of time unpacking Isaiah 43. So much so, it’s now my life verse in many ways.

  1. I don’t have to be afraid because God made me exactly as I am. I’ve been redeemed. I’ve been called by name. I am His. He is with me.
  2. Because He is God, my personal God, my Savior — we have a relationship. We have such an amazing relationship that he is willing to not only walk through the waters and fires of my daily life, his hand keeps them from overwhelming me. He paid a huge price for me. (John 3:16), He is willing to trade in the entire world just for me. Even though my earthly relationships suffer hardship, death, and sometimes rejection, my relationship with him is one of love and protection.
  3. He wants back every last one of us that bears his name, no matter where we travel or how far away from him we are — he searches for us and wants us back.
  4. We are created for His Glory. He personally formed each and every one of us. — This includes those who hurt us. Knowing who we are in Christ strengthens us. Knowing who you (or they as in my perceived enemies) are in Christ – teaches me mercy.

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Isaiah 43 – The Message

When You’re Between a Rock and a Hard Place

1-4 But now, God’s Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you. 5-7“So don’t be afraid: I’m with you.
I’ll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west.
I’ll send orders north and south:
‘Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands,
my daughters from faraway places.
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one.'”

—————————

What does it mean to live like you are forgiven?

Know the one who created you.

Don’t be afraid.

Trust him through the storms of life.

Show mercy to others.

Forgive.

What does Isaiah 43 say to you?


My Stage Fright is Gone

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I almost didn’t get on stage. It didn’t matter to me that everyone got 60 seconds to practice what we’d learned that week and that we were all equals. I took one at everyone else and decided – yet again – I wasn’t enough. I hate it when I do that. Whenever I give fear […]

Friday Funny: Kritters

Deana3 Comments

My two dogs found a baby possum this morning.

I forgot they like to play dead and tried to pick it up.

If you need me, I’m the looney screaming from the roof of my back porch.

I’m leaving for Nashville TN in the morning for the Annual Christian Comedy Conference. I won’t be blogging while I’m there, but you can keep up with our adventures by following me on twitter @deanaohara — Have a great weekend you guys.

 

All Rights Reserved: Deana O’Hara, CRC Publishing 2014

Cycling Update: June 6, 2012

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People are asking if I’m still riding my bike or did I give up that ghost. I am still riding my bike and while I can tell I’ve gotten stronger, my weight has plateaued. I’m guessing my mad cooking skills combined with having all three men at home may have contributed to that. I cannot be trusted near chips, dips, cheese, mayonnaise or dairy. I need to work on my self-control skills.

In keeping with my goals — I joined forces with ADA and rode in Tulsa’s Tour de Cure to help fight diabetes. I only signed up for 10 miles as opposed to the 25 mile ride for multiple reasons which in hindsight, were short-sighted.

1. I wanted to get me feet wet and find out what these rides were like. –

2. The 25 mile route goes on main roads and I’m not ready for roads/group rides, I still have a lot to learn. –

3. The fear of “what if I have to pee” is a present reality in my life. Ten miles is my safest bet. (This is true for a lot of us women in our 40’s)

I could have done the 25 miles, and next time I will.

The ride went well. The fun ride of ten miles was a relatively small group in comparison to the others. I made all the hills without having to get off my bike once. (woot! could not do that six months ago and one of those hills was a killer, I passed a lot of walkers.) I didn’t crash or hurt anyone. I had fun and it was for a great cause.

The only problem I had was my allergy induced asthma flared up and I did not bring an inhaler. Rather than cross the finish line sucking wind, I dropped just before the finish line and went straight to my car instead. I know, I cheated. I could feel the asthma attack coming on and went home to get my inhaler, which was a good thing because it hit right before I got home.

Ten miles was easy, and that is growth in my mad riding skills. We raised over $110,000 for diabetes and everyone had a great day. My only disappointment is I didn’t trust myself enough to push. At least I’ll be better prepared for the next time out and therefore able to stay all day. I even have people interested in being part of a whole team next year. That will be fun!

The feeling I have from completing a goal is priceless. No one can hand you self-esteem on a silver platter, it has to be earned. Yes, I struggle with that like most women do. I like to compare my outer self with other’s high light reels. I’m working on that.

Have a great day you guys.

 

Friday Funny: Southern Women Make Great Evangelists

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I had a chance to meet one of my favorite Christian singers a few years back,  but I was too busy evangelizing one of the volunteers and I missed the meet and greet.

You see, I had taken my family to see this man perform at a local church and when I walked in with my boys a gentlemen stepped in front of me and shoved a flier in my hands. I read it when I sat down and discovered it was an invitation to this singer’s senior citizens cruise later that fall. I didn’t make anything of it, figuring he had to give them to everyone. I was after all only 43 at the time.

Then my husband arrived. He tried to take a flier out of this man’s hand and do you know he said?

“I’m sorry sir, these fliers are for senior citizens only and you don’t look old enough.”

Have you ever seen a Southern woman throw a wall-eyed hissy with a red rubber tail? Something like that will turn even the deepest of atheists in to a man of prayer. I can guarantee you if that man wasn’t saved before he gave me the flier, he is now.

Be Blessed Y’all.

Isaiah 43:1 But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”