Quote: On Fear – C. Joybell C.

Deana1 Comment

I haven’t posted a fear quote in a while. I love this.

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.”
― C. JoyBell C.

I’m presently working on my first novel, it’s exciting and emotionally exhausting all at the same time. I have a 50,000 word goal for November. That’s a lot of words. I feel like I’m bleeding. In order for me to understand my heroine, I catch myself trying to understand me. That has not been an easy task.

I found this other quote by C JoyBell today that helps with direction:

The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her; but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.

Another great thought:

“Don’t think about making life better for other people who don’t even deserve you, rather, focus on making your life the best, for yourself and those who love you.”

As an aside, I am far more self absorbed than people give me credit. I do not have time to read everything on the web. If any of my posts feel like I’m in your living room reporting on your life, I’m not. I get that a lot. We’re all in the same boat.  Just keep swimmin’ girlfriend. 

Tulsa All Lutheran Messiah 2012

Deana2 Comments

Handel’s Messiah

EDITED 11/12/13 – THE ALL LUTHERAN MESSIAH IS ALWAYS THE FIRST SATURDAY AND SUNDAY IN DECEMBER.

The lights dim and a hush spreads throughout the church. The choir enters from the rear engulfing the listeners, softly humming the beginning strains of “O Come Emanuel.” Thus begins the 92nd presentation of Handel’s Messiah.

What started with a small choir at First Lutheran has grown to become an all Lutheran tradition including over 100 participants from 19 area Lutheran churches. You, too, may include yourself as you join the choir in singing the Hallelujah Chorus. It’s an experience of sight and sound and something wonderful deep inside.

The presentation are held at First Lutheran Church, 13th and Utica in Tulsa, on two days: Saturday, December 1st  and Sunday, December  2nd Presentation times for both days are 5:00 pm and 7:15 pm.

“And He shall reign forever and ever!”

ADMISSION IS FREE

Things to Think About: The Reality of the First Amendment and Branding

Deana1 Comment

“I am a citizen of the United States. I am protected by the First Amendment. I can say what ever I want, where ever I want without repercussion!”

Really? No you aren’t and no you can’t. There is such a thing as unintended consequences.

All the First Amendment promises us is freedom from Government interference.  No where does it state we are free from the repercussions of our employers or our customers. Remember the Chic Fil a fiasco?  I’m not saying I agree or disagree with his statements, what I am saying is our customers pay attention to what we say every place we say it. Christians cried “persecution” when a select group of customers called for a boycott. Even as a Christian myself, I find the cry hypocritical as the SBC boycotts Disney. Where Mr. Cathy’s first amendment rights were violated is when government officials started putting sanctions on his place of business in Boston and other cities. Lesson learned in that is customers watch everything we say and do in regards to our company brands.

So do our employers. 

A friend of mine from Atlanta brought this story to my attention today: Woman fired for using the N-word on her Facebook page. Apparently a young gal who works for a medical office used the N-Word on her “private” Facebook wall on Tuesday night referring to our President. Then she called somebody else that same word. Her posts went viral by morning. Because she works for a medical facility, people expressed concern : One email to 11Alive asked, “Are African-Americans safe at this office? Does this young lady care for African-Americans as she does all patients?”  These posts were brought to the attention of her employer and she was terminated immediately.

I don’t blame them. She hurt their image. Right or wrong, she gave people the impression that their medical care was in jeopardy. They really had no choice in the matter.

Reputations are hard-earned and easily lost. 

There is no such thing as a PRIVATE SOCIAL NETWORK. Everything we type via Twitter, Facebook, Blogs, has the potential to be an international broadcast.

I remember the days of working in IT and email was the newest big thing. Everyone thought their email accounts were their private matter. Boy were they shocked when people started getting fired over the inflammatory remarks made against management. People were also shocked to discover that emails are legal documents and can be used in courts of law. Emails created on company servers belong to the company not the individual. The same goes for every social network we use.

RINSE WASH REPEAT

Is that fair? Some would argue no. Is it reality? A thousand times yes. I’m married to a corporate vice president. Several of his employees and co-workers have access to my blog, my twitter even my Facebook – a lot of us are on the same racing team. I am part of my husband’s “brand.” Knowing that, I need to be mindful of everything I type and post (this includes photographs). I honestly blow it some days and have to go back and clean it up. Even so I do my best to keep his audience (employer) in mind when I post.

I also choose to be a performer today, that makes me a commodity, which brings me to Branding. I have my own brand that I am growing and protecting. As is true with most performers, I can be a drama queen. Everything I post has the potential to grow or hurt my career. The First Amendment does not protect me from the unintentional consequences of customer perception. Customers, past and present will and do look at everything I say and do on the internet and they will decide for themselves whether or not they want to do business with me. That is their choice and their right. That is not bad news.

I have full control over my internet reputation.

So do you. We, as business owners and artists need to filter what we do on the web through our brand. Will this post help or hurt my business? That’s not being a hypocrite, it’s being a good business person. Remember every thing we do has the potential to go international. Got a strong political or religious opinion, a fetish, a yen for world domination, unless it’s part of your Brand save that stuff for private conversations with your real inner circle. Keep it off the net. Very few artists get away with extreme brands. Even people like Anne Lammot and Brad Stine pay a price for their views. It works for them. Their political views are part of their brand. They can afford it, most of us cannot.

Literally, every point-of-contact is an opportunity to create a positive brand impression—if you are intentional. — Michael Hyatt

My little slice of cyberspace isn’t big enough to write everything I know about branding and freedom of speech and while I do not intend this post to be a commercial, I am going to refer you to the man who taught me everything I know about branding today — Micheal Hyatt spoke at our Christian Comedy Association conference in June of 2012. He’s written a new book called Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World. 

Leaders are platform builders.

We need to take ownership of our business reputations and platforms. This book will help.

Now go out there. Have fun, and remember you aren’t paranoid, everyone really is watching. 

FCC Relationship Disclosure. I have no personal relationship with Mr Michael Hyatt, author of Platform. No goods or services have been given to me in exchange for this endorsement. I am simply sharing a resource that I use and think is beneficial to my readership.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
The 5 First Amendment Freedoms
  1. Speech – The First Amendment says that people have the right to speak freely without government interference.
  2. Press – The First Amendment gives the press the right to publish news, information and opinions without government interference. This also means people have the right to publish their own newspapers, newsletters, magazines, etc.
  3. Religion – The First Amendment prohibits government from establishing a religion and protects each person’s right to practice (or not practice) any faith without government interference.
  4. Petition -The First Amendment says that people have the right to appeal to government in favor of or against policies that affect them or that they feel strongly about. This freedom includes the right to gather signatures in support of a cause and to lobby legislative bodies for or against legislation.
  5. Assembly -The First Amendment says that people have the right to gather in public to march, protest, demonstrate, carry signs and otherwise express their views in a nonviolent way. It also means people can join and associate with groups and organizations without interference.

We are all hypocrites and drama queens

Deana3 Comments

There is a difference between a catastrophe and an inconvenience. While some of us are happy that President Obama won a second term, many are unhappy and are reacting as though this were an earth shattering catastrophe.  Let me make myself clear here — Hurricane Sandy and the destruction to lower Manhattan and other parts of the East coast is a catastrophe – Mitt Romney losing the election is an inconvenience at best. Some  of us need to get a grip.

No matter who you voted for yesterday, today we breathe in, we put one foot in front of the other and we live. Hopefully we live for something outside of ourselves. I voted, and those who know me best know who I voted for and why. Granted if you follow me on Twitter, you already know who I voted for and if you are still reading my blog you either agree with me or came to see if God struck me dead with lightning yet.

So for all of my Christian readers who believe I’m in a hand basket headed straight for hell, sorry. I’m still here. And being black-listed for either being a Christian or being a Democrat does not hurt my feelings. I needed time off anyway and now that my entire month of November is free, I can write my book.

I say that a little tongue in cheek in all honesty. Are we really that petty? Hollywood black lists Christians and Christians black list each other over trivial things. Drama queens abound on either side and yet somewhere in the middle is our tribe.

I’ll admit trying to give up anger during an election year has not been easy. I might as well as tried to give up chocolate while working in a candy store. So many things can make my skull split in half, the word “Koolaid” being the most recent thing that brings out my alter-ego “home-girl.” I try to placate her with cookies, but sometimes she comes out and she is U-G-L-Y.

I have an IQ of over 145, I don’t drink koolaid and neither does anyone else I know. I hear that word on both sides of the spectrum. Not only does the far right use it to describe Democrats, I have several atheist friends do the same thing to describe anyone who dares believe in a God.  My writers group is loaded with atheists and progressive Christians. I fall somewhere in the middle I’m sure.

I love my friends dearly, and I know I am a bit of a conundrum to them. I’m a Christian female who gave up my career to raise my family. No regrets. I choose to submit to my husband out of love and respect (not fear or koolaid brainwashing), and yet I am a Democrat. I believe in helping those less fortunate. I believe that women have equal value to men. I believe in a lot of things actually. If I’ve learned nothing from this election season, I’ve learned this: In the final analysis, be us believers of God or not, we’re all hypocrites and drama queens.   

That’s good news to me. Knowing we are all hypocrites means we can let go of our masks and just be ourselves and hopefully learn to love each other.

Now let us put one foot in front of the other, breathe in and out, stop awefullizing everything, quit being a victim and LIVE.

Deana8 Comments

Could not have said it better myself. Worth the read you guys. I especially like the quote by Rebecca West.

womencyclists's avatarwomen.cyclists

 Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a “feminist.” My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML #20129490

It’s amazing how feminism is treated like a disease. Feminist is such a dirty word that it reduces women into mumbling the following key phrases:

I’m not a feminist, but…

…Not that I’m a feminist or anything…

anytime they say something that could remotely be interpreted as *gasp* a belief that women should be just as valued as men. It’s almost like a magic spell (you know, ‘cuz feminists are witches).

 Myths Debunked

So I want to take a little bit of time to debunk some of these myths. I’m not going to do it by addressing each myth one by one. I’m going to do it in as few words as possible:

View original post 401 more words

Friday Funny: Why I need stunt doubles, or at least roofies (PG-13)

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Things you never want to hear your gynecologist say:

“We’ll just hook up some tiny electrodes and…”

Let’s face it, there is no good way to end that sentence.

And he wonders why I ask for stunt doubles and roofies.

Turns out, he has “ethical issues” with both.

Electrocuting me until I pee however, is perfectly fine.

Go figure.

Sadist.

————————————————-

For the Hyperbole Impaired: I’m having multi-tasking “issues” and doc wanted to look at a solution and run tests. When asked to describe the test all he said was “We are going to hook up some electrodes and basically make your bladder misbehave” I’m not a nurse or a medical technician, there was no way I was going to know that did not mean “electrocute you until you pee.”

The Shaky Life of the Nearly Courageous

Deana4 Comments

“You are afraid to admit that you need me if I don’t feel the same way.” – The Proposal, Alternate Ending. (Can be seen on Youtube)

I am one of those people who jumps ahead to the last chapter of a book in order to decide if it is worth reading. I like to make sure the story has a happy ending before I invest my time. Ruins it for me in all honesty and I’m learning I can’t do that with life, even though I try.

I love the movie The Proposal.  I wanted to be that woman when I grew up. Not the needy one, but the one who had it all together and ran the world or at least a major corporation. Yep, never happened. Didn’t stop me from wanting it though. I can still remember being 22 and riding the train in Chicago wearing a navy blue pinstripe suit and reading the Wall Street Journal looking down on the people my age sitting around me in jeans and sneakers wondering when they were going to start being adults. I wasn’t an adult, I was a terrified kid living on my own in a big city for the first time, playing dress up and hoping no one noticed. Truth is, if it hadn’t been for the two people I let befriend me, I’m not sure how I would have survived. Even though I didn’t fully realize it myself, I needed them I just didn’t trust them enough to tell them that.

Everyone has trust issues of some kind, it’s just that some of us are better at hiding them than others. Mine happen to be glaringly obvious. If I’m not trying to read your mind and tell you what I think you want to hear, I’m being cute, trying to make you laugh, shaking like a leaf, or running for the hills. I used to think I had the whole world fooled until a friend pointed them out a few years ago. I am not amused, I mean it’s bad enough that I have trust issues, do they have to be so obvious?

Going from a mommy/garden blogger to a woman who writes about over coming fear, while still shaking in my boots, is an interesting journey. I’d rather learn in a closet, and then show the world how brilliant I am than learn in front of an audience. The only thing worse than my glaringly obvious trust issues is my pride.

Will you really like me and the things I’m doing if you know I am terrified every step of the way? That is a legitimate question for a recovering approval junkie like myself. That’s where my pride really takes a kick in the proverbial teeth. In the final assessment, I just want to be liked, by everyone, all the time even if it kills us both. Talk about an unrealistic expectation. I don’t even like myself all the time.

My journey as a Christian writer has had more starts, stops, skinned knees and bruised pride than I ever expected when I started back in 2002. My original post-children plans back then included being a deaconess or a women’s ministry leader, and when that didn’t turn out the way I expected I found myself doing a lot of soul-searching and sifting through a junk yard of need. I erroneously believed that if I could prove I belong than I can stop apologizing for breathing air. If I prove I belong, I can stop being afraid. That’s a lie by the way. The only way I can stop being afraid is to do the things that scare me the most.

I threw out everything, including my original blog during my soul-searching snit fit and started over from scratch.  No great loss I assure you. My original writings are nothing more than a mask. They are things I thought people would want to hear; 12 steps to this seven steps to that. You know the drill: How to be a better Christian, how to be a better wife, how to keep pretending.  Then I started reading books by people like Donald Miller and Anne Lamott and I discovered a whole new world. I discovered Christians who were willing to be transparent without apologizing. Their courage fueled mine. Granted, my original transparency contained more of what is wrong with my tradition and this world as I see it today than anything else, but it was a start.

I no longer cared if you liked me or not, I just wanted to be heard. Know anybody like that? People like that are really difficult to be around for too long.  One of my comedy friends remembers my porcupine self back then. I had a bite as she says.  I was sarcastic and nasty and ready to pick a fight with anyone and I picked a lot of fights. And if I wasn’t picking fights, I was stirring pots.  Once I started meeting people who loved me back instead of fighting with me, I really freaked out. Anger is a voice that I used for too long. Anger is also a mask for fear, did you know that?

“The hardest thing about loving someone is having the courage to let them love you back.” – The Wedding Date

Masks can be admired, but never fully loved.  Rather than covering up my fears with anger or over achieving, I decided to start owning them and writing about them. I had to unlearn everything I thought I knew about life and start over. Learning something new is awkward and challenging to say the least. I had to learn how to admit I need someone without being sure they felt the same way. I also had to find the courage to start letting people love me back. I’m not fully there yet, but I’m working on it.

Instead of passing on conferences that intimidated me, I started attending them. Instead of distancing myself from the people there, or faking my way through it to prove I belong, I owned my fears out loud and jumped in and risked letting myself be known. “I’m here and I’m terrified, but I’m here.” I did an open mic at a comedy conference and told a room full of professional comics, I’m scared to death but let’s do this. At which point I started hyperventilating and had to start over. I will admit that weirded people out a bit at first but then someone whispered in my ear later that night, “I’m scared too, nice to meet you.” and I made a new friend.

I used to believe people would think less of me if they knew how afraid I really was, then I realized that I’m not the only one who is afraid. Whether we admit it or not, there is something out there that scares all of us a little and that’s okay. Maybe that’s why my readership picked up so much once I started admitting, “I’m scared too, nice to meet you.”

Life lived under the covers of your bed isn’t life and it isn’t living. Don’t just write in a way that scares you a little, live in a way that scares you a little even if your fears and trust issues are so glaringly obvious that you have to shake. Even if your pride makes you want to run for the hills, hold fast. Shake until you stop shaking, close your eyes and breathe.

“You are safe. Let go of the past and remember what a wonderful woman you are.” Also from The Wedding Date (Hands down my favorite scene of the whole movie).