We Are Not Consumed

December 9, 2010 Deana4 Comments

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” ~ Lamentations 3:22-23

I’ve seen that scripture verse no less than ten times in three days. It’s popping up everywhere — and maybe for good reason. It’s loaded with promise not only for me, but for my friends who are hurting, and for everyone else.

It’s easy to feel consumed by:

Expectations – both of ourselves and of others. It doesn’t matter if these expectations are realistic or not. They weigh on us.

Responsibilities: For family, job, ministry, life. We carry heavy burdens of responsibility and sometimes think we have to carry it alone.

Fear – Of the unknown, the future, the past catching up with us.

Guilt or Shame: Hidden sin or secrets.

Grief: — Hurts over the loss of a loved one. The death of a marriage. The pain of hurt feelings from a friend.

Anger: – Whether righteous anger or anger caused by hurts, misunderstandings, or unmet needs.

The list can go on, but all of us can can feel consumed by many things. The great thing about this promise is that God’s love for us keeps that from happening. His compassion for us, even in the face of the loss of compassion in ourselves or from others, never fails us.

Every day is a new day for hope, for strength, for healing, and forgiveness. And the best part, it doesn’t matter if that day starts at 5:00 am, or at 3:30 in the afternoon. We get to start our days over whenever we need to.

Maybe you need a restart today. If so, why not take a minute and say a prayer.

I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas

December 7, 2010December 7, 2010 Deana2 Comments

It’s Christmas and I realized today that my blog is as dark as my house at night — we were too busy this fall to put up lights and now our neighbors are shunning us. We are the black hole of Broken Arrow and they think we’re atheists. We’re not, it’s just that it’s too cold out to be climbing up on ladders and I’m afraid of heights as it is. Having said that, I feel the need to lighten the tone here about a few thousand watts. SO… Let’s talk Christmas songs. Our family has a tradition of either singing in or going to The Messiah at First Lutheran every year. I sang this year and I’m proud to tell y’all I did not fall off the stage once. Our chairs were precariously close to the edge. One bad note and I’m certain the bass singers would have shoved me off. Thankfully they didn’t.

We also like to listen to Nat King Cole and the Trans Siberian Orchestra. Not to make y’all think I’m a classical purist, our family’s favorite song is — Grandma Got Run Over By A reindeer, that and Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck Days of Christmas.

I thought I’d heard them all until I opened the paper today. I need to warn you — or place blame – either one but my favorite Tulsa Scene writer is Jason Ashley Wright hands down. I especially like his monthly ~~lingen~~…~~langen~~…~~loungin~~… a little something something as he calls it.. I can’t spell it. It’s some Cajun word. ANYWHOO..he was talking about Christmas Songs today and he mentioned I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas. It’s apparently classic and shockingly, I’ve never heard of it.

I’m an ADHD, neurotic redhead — I don’t like not knowing about things. I feel left out. I looked it up on YouTube, and I don’t feel left out anymore. It’s really cute!

It’s so cute that I’m going to share it with you guys. I know, you feel special now don’t you.

Enjoy.

My Back Porch, A Blanket and a Fire to Keep me Warm

December 3, 2010December 3, 2010 Deana2 Comments

Cover of "Laughing in the Dark: A Comedia... — Cover via Amazon

I made a reference yesterday about the year I lost it. Those of you who’ve known me for a while know what I’m talking about, but for the rest let me fill you in a little. Life got crazy from 2003-2004 and while trying to handle everything on my own, I eventually snapped. You might say I went through an 18 month season of sifting, pruning, and deep grief. Some of it was my own making, and some of it was not. Whatever label you want to put on that season, the end result was the same, I was diagnosed with clinical depression in June of 2004. My depression was so deep that I spent the next 12 months in what I call an emotional black out. I functioned, but as my friends would say, “the lights were on, but ain’t nobody home.”

I’m not sure when I snapped exactly. The downward spiral began in 2003. Within roughly 14 months from March of 2003 to May of 2004, I ruptured my ACL, buried 10 of my closest friends, lost the only school my kids had ever known, among other more personal issues I won’t bore you with here, and I erroneously believed the “cure” for my grief was to take on more responsibility. Pretty arrogant hunh?

By the time my brain and denial collided, I had already spent months sitting on my back porch every night. I’ll never forget being wrapped in a blanket, chain-smoking, and staring into the blankness, for hours at time. In the morning, I’d wake up, pull up my bootstraps and drive to work across town. As soon as work ended, I would go back on the porch and shut down.

When I finally did see a doctor, I was pretty deep and he was ready to put me in the hospital. This is how depression lied to me, I was blaming someone for mine. A few someones actually and my response to my doctor was “I’ll be jacked if I’m going to give him the satisfaction of putting me in the nut house. I’m stronger than he is.” As if I was the center of some evil plot to drive me insane. Depression lies to us, big time. For some strange reason my doctor didn’t force the issue and we settled out-patient therapy instead.

My pride and ego got in the way from allowing myself to be hospitalized. I should have listened to my doctor — I would have recovered much more quickly.

The good news though, is I did recover. I spent three plus years in therapy, both group and private, and on medication. I learned how to be more authentic and honest with my thoughts and feelings and I learned what to watch for in case it happens again. In my case, I have not needed meds for roughly three years, but if I ever spiral again I’ll be on them for life.

Several of my friends and acquaintances have experienced depression in their lives. I met Chonda Pierce during my downward spiral. She is a sweetheart and she writes about her own experiences in Laughing In The Dark. There is a blogger on my page, Pastor Todd Peppercorn (You can see him listed under Pastor Blogs). He writes When I Trust My Dark Road and I read him from time to time.

I could rattle off a few more names of people I like who have been through depression, but I hope you get my point. While I was never suicidal, a lot of my friends who experienced depression were. I lost a friend to depression ten years ago, and that breaks my heart. Depression kills.

It was during this dark season that I did in my old blogs and threw away a lot of my writings. I did that because I believed at the time that I’d never be a writer or speaker or of any worth to God or anyone else ever again.

Wow was I wrong.

I’m bringing this up today because a friend of mine posted a plea on her Facebook page — she said “You’re too blessed to be depressed is bs. Don’t say that to anyone. Ever. Please.” She’s right. It’s not true and it’s not helpful. Depression is real. It’s not self-pity. Depression hurts. It debilitates and it lies.

A local pastor and part-time mentor is seeking in patient treatment for his depression and burn out. While my heart hurts for him and his family, I admire his humility and his willingness to seek treatment.

I do know that while I was depressed I sought God in the things of God, in myself, other people, and my work. In seeking him in the wrong places, I missed him along the way. It was only after I fell apart that I found his healing and his Grace. Today I know the hope and the healing that comes on the other side. I pray the same for for anyone else suffering today.

I found my voice, my courage and my king in my dark night — getting help is not a sign of weakness, it’s sign of strength.

Thank you for letting me share.

Next.

The Day I Stopped Caring

December 2, 2010December 8, 2010 Deana3 Comments

“Famous Blogger? That’s like saying a Famous Dentist.” – Pete K from the Defenders.

I’m not as obsessed with this show as you think, just hang with me for a minute. And even if I am, hang with me anyway, okay?

My first thought about that comment was wow that was mean, but when I thought about it, it really is a true statement. I started blogging before blogging was cool. I had my little platform on Blogger dot com, played with the coding, changed the back ground with Cuteblogsrus or something, I had followers,I had feedburner and everything else. I did all the work, joined everything from BlogHer to god knows what including MySpace, and back making pretend friends, sharing comments, giving awards, getting awards, joining more rings than the Hobbit himself, trying to build a following and then I realized something, blogging stopped being fun. I spent as much time managing my blog as I would a real job and I wasn’t getting paid. Oh sure google ad said I could make money — by the tenths of a penny, but still. I had no life.

Granted the lack of fun might have been correlated with my breakdown in 2004, or not, I don’t know.

The truth is, I’ll never be a “famous Blogger” and I don’t care anymore. Not caring whether or not I’ll ever be famous is like skinny dipping in my backyard pool – not that I do that if the neighbors ask. But it is freeing, in a weird private sort of way. Now that is not to say that I do not get sucked in from time to time by my marketing friends who insists I can be famous on just five minutes a day. I don’t stay there long. If Facebook can’t figure out how many friends I have from day to day, I’m pretty certain neither can FeedBurner.

Why I won’t be Famous.

I ditched Blogger for WordPress a year ago and am too computer illiterate to figure out how to go back or how to host my own page so that I can do all that pretty coding that I don’t know how to do anyway.
I don’t care that Jumla comes in a box.
I can’t cook.
My kids are no longer cute. — they are 20 and 17 and well. Love them, but you know what I mean.
I don’t have some product to push.
I hate twitter.
I don’t go to tweetups or blog reunions.
I think social networking is an oxymoron — seriously how “social” are people who hide behind a computer screen anyway?
My gardens are dead.
I’m not a remodeler.
I have no nitch.
I’m just me.
And I like that.

Some of the people I started reading way back when are famous now. And you know what? I’m totally okay with that. At least they aren’t dentists. While one of my old blogger friends is now People’s Choice Awards Famous, my other one has left the blogging community in favor of real life relationships. Quite frankly, I’m happy for her. She’s no longer a slave to the meters on the sidebar or the comments in her posts. As for me – I recovered nicely from my breakdown back in 2004. I learned that doing stand up comedy is a lot cheaper than paying some therapist to listen to me. And now instead of crazy, I can be okay with being neurotic and enjoy my life.

Are you watching The Defenders Tonight?

December 1, 2010December 5, 2010 Deana2 Comments

Okay, okay. I might have been a little harsh on character Pete Kaczmarek (played by Jerry O’Connell) from the new hit show The Defenders in my earlier post about the show. I was speaking at the time about how I seem to watch only shows with “eye-candy” as my son would call it and I was defending myself – miserably. In doing so, I insisted that Pete’s character was not eye candy and that I think pretty boys are boring, one-trick ponies. I like the other guy, played by Jim Belushi – which I do.

If you haven’t seen the show, Pete Kaczmarek is a defense attorney working in Las Vegas. He’s ambitious, good-looking, charming, well-respected and a serious playboy. Jerry O’Connell brings out the humor as well as the soul – when needed – very well. Still, Pete, respected or not, is a hound dog who knows how to work women to his advantage.

Why I was so harsh when first describing his character, is guys like Pete used to turn me into a stammering, neurotic, brainless, idiot when I was younger. It’s not pretty, trust me. For those who don’t know me really well let me explain that I was being tongue in cheek when I called him a One Trick Pony, okay guys? I didn’t work them, they worked me.

The trick was simple, they’d smile and I’d open my wallet, my home, my car, whatever just so that I could walk into a room with them. I didn’t date them, I bank rolled them. I was the sidekick friend to whatever hot alpha female they were toying with. I never got the guy, I just got the bills. I even had dinner at the Chicago Yacht Club once, I was impressed until he forgot his wallet. Okay, I didn’t care, cuz well.. he was GORGEOUS.

I pick on pretty boys because God forbid, one of them starts up flirting with me, I still blush and giggle at 46 and I swear that embarrasses me even more. It’s a curse. I hate it – not the flirting, I kinda like that. I mean I hate the whole blush/giggle thing. You can ask my husband if you don’t believe me. — He’ll tell you all about the cowboy who tipped his hat at me and said “Ma’am.” I think I squeaked before I blushed and giggled, I’m not sure. That poor man.

To be fair – I’ll tell you about the time we were at a concert and Nicole Nordeman walked up to him, stuck out her hand to shake his and rendered him speechless. Our youngest son just looked up at her and said’ Uhm, I think my dad wants your autograph.” — He punched me in the arm when he got back to the seats for not telling him she was there. I’d never heard of her, but apparently he had.

How I wound up with the man I did, I’ll never know. I actually think God took pity on me.

Jerry O’Connell plays Pete, really well and his character does have a lot of heart as is shown in episode one when he keeps an innocent kid from going to jail. If you want to see what I’m talking about, check out CBS’s latest Defenders Trailer. I tried to embed it, but the CBS page isn’t set up for that, sorry.

So, come 9 pm CST, I’ll be at home watching my favorite new show. What are you going to be doing? – edited to add: Or not. CBS had a Grammy Show scheduled instead, and the local affiliate chose to show a college basketball game and some Survivor show. Now I’m sad.

It Was a Carb Coma Kind of Day

November 30, 2010 Deana1 Comment

Our dining room set for Thanksgiving dinner — Image by rick020200 via Flickr

I’ve learned that the trick to a great Thanksgiving dinner — aside from awesome recipes ala Ree Drummond, is apparently drinking a cup of coffee at 6:00 pm the evening before. Laying in my bed, bugged eyed at 1 am, I decided to go downstairs and pour myself some warm milk. While in the kitchen, I thought to my non sleepy self, since I’m up I might as well set the dining room table, and the next thing I know I’m making the mashed potatoes at 3 am. Turns out I’m creative when I can’t sleep, one dish followed another and I did not go back to bed until I put our stuffed bird in the oven at 6:00 am. Then and only then did I stumble into bed for 3.75 hours of wonderful sleep.

Granted, I have friends who do this normally anyway. Stay up all night, the night before and cook — but I usually don’t. I like my sleep.

What about you? Are you an all nighter kind of turkey day cook or do you cook the day of? I’d love to know.

REPOST: Epic Fail: On Romance and Marriage

November 22, 2010May 2, 2011 Deana6 Comments

Rumor has it, great romances involve planning. Every good relationship book will tell you that you have to plan for time together in order to keep romance in marriage alive and well. What every good relationship book does not tell you is there is a right way, and a wrong way for such planning.

Movies make it look easy. All a woman has to do is show up in his office for a surprise lunch wearing nothing but a fur coat, that sort of thing. The real world? If I did that, my coat would get stuck in the elevator and I’d wind up on his floor with just my shoes. Oh yeah, he’d be surprised alright. Along with the rest of his staff.

Still, I want adventure and I like doing fun things for my husband, but…

I tried to get creative once. It didn’t work.

I found his blackberry one night and decided to write on his calendar. I picked a random date out in the future and posted a lunch meeting for him to “go home and ravish wife.” AKA me.

Did you know that a Corporate issued Blackberry syncs up with corporate calendars?

Me neither.

And apparently, corporate secretaries have access to corporate calendars.

Husbands do not like getting phone calls from their secretary saying “Mr Robinson wants to schedule a lunch meeting with you for Tuesday, but it says here you are supposed to be ravishing your wife at that time. Should I reschedule that appointment or move Mr Robinson to a different date?”

Corporate secretaries are vastly underpaid.

Watching the Bears in Peace

November 18, 2010November 18, 2010 Deana3 Comments

I love my Bears.
I love my husband.
I love watching my Bears WITH my husband.
Our oldest is away at college.

Our youngest was at work.
We are alone.
On the couch.
Watching the pre-game show.
When the old quarterbacks start talking about Cutler and Thigpen.
I can’t make this up.
One former quarterback to another:
“Thigpen might be third string for Miami, but he’s got a great tight end.”
Seriously, would YOU let a comment like that pass you by?
It gets better.
Another announcer mispronounces the word “version” and says “Every team has a virgin like that.”
My husband has decided that the boys can never move away.

The Defenders on CBS: Standing on the Shoulders of Giants.

November 17, 2010November 18, 2010 Deana3 Comments

My youngest son has accused me of uhm, having a thing for male eye candy on TV and he’s getting annoyed. Seriously? The child who shushes us during certain commercials is calling ME out? Ha! I have no clue what he’s talking about.

I watch 24 with my family because it is action packed and my boys like it. Same with all of the other shows I like. Bones, Castle, and The Human Target are all good quality, action packed family shows. So what if the lead actors are a bit on the hunky side, that’s not why I watch them. I’m also a natural redhead, and men read Playboy for the articles, but I digress. I like Lie to Me and The Mentalist as well and no one can accuse those guys of being, “eye candy.”

Look at the alternative popular shows. Raising Hope just raises my blood pressure and tells me that Cloris Leachman’s retirement portfolio is worse than mine, and don’t even get me started on Cougar Town. I hate that show.2 1/2 Men is disgusting. The Good Wife is depressing. We have enough hospital and policeman soap operas to last to eternity and there’s no real comedy in sitcoms anymore, (well that nerd show is cute, but I can never remember when it’s on) so what’s a girl to do?

Well, if you are like me and sick of garbage on TV, maybe you are plugged in to The Defenders on CBS. If you aren’t plugged in, then you should be. It’s clean, it’s funny, it has some drama, and it’s got heart, without the candy. I love it. Is it realistic? No, not really. But the world is real enough. Frankly, I like being entertained for an hour.

Granted, maybe the no candy thing isn’t entirely true. Don’t tell my son, but I watch the show for one actor and one actor alone..

Yep..

It’s true.

I have a thing for Nick Morelli.

Shocking I know.

He’s a believable character. I mean yeah, it would be nice to have some mystery novelist, or FBI agent chasing after me, but they seem so high maintenance when you think about it. They are hunky to be sure, but they are so needy. Castle is insecure and Booth has commitment issues. And both guys fall for emotionally unavailable women who lead them around by their noses whether they realize it or not. I mean they look good and all, but do any of them really wear the pants in their relationships? no! And Jack Bower? Every women he falls for gets killed. No thank you.

But, Nick? Nick has heart. He cares deeply about people, about justice, and about life. His partner, played by Jerry O’Connell, is an annoying, self-absorbed playboy. (Jerry plays him very well I might add.) Pretty boys are boring. They are easy to size up, easy to manipulate and easy to toss away. They are, as my friend used to say a one trick pony. I’ll take a man with soul over a man with designer soles, any day.

Nick has heart, he has passion, and he has mystery.

My son can think what he wants. What makes something eye candy, really depends on the lens through which we view it. And what might be appealing to a 20 something female is not necessarily what is appealing to a 45 year old woman who has lived a bit of life – isn’t even close to the same thing.

Granted, I am just a blogger and today’s episode did trash bloggers, and according to some hollywood writer who apparently got their wittle feelers hurt, “bloggers are wanna be journalists who don’t have ethics and write mean nasty things about people.”

Maybe.

And yes, said writer can laugh all the way to the bank while I write for fun. (Translation: I write for free.) But I don’t say mean, nasty things about people. Okay – I said I hated Cougar Town, but can you blame me?

Still..

This unethical, non journalist likes the show. You should check it out.

And for some fun trivia, my favorite quote of the night was “We are standing on the shoulder’s of giants.” which is taken from (per http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standing_on_the_shoulders_of_giants)

For the Oasis album, see Standing on the Shoulder of Giants.

Dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants (Latin: nanos gigantium humeris insidentes) is a Western metaphor meaning “One who develops future intellectual pursuits by understanding the research and works created by notable thinkers of the past”; a contemporary interpretation. However, the metaphor was first recorded in the twelfth century and attributed to Bernard of Chartres. It was famously uttered by seventeenth-century scientist Isaac Newton (see below). The picture is derived from the Greek mythology where the blind giant Orion carried his servant Cedalion on his shoulders.

“Standing on the shoulders of giants,” is not just some great pep talk. that phrase is a reminder that we are but dwarfs standing on the shoulders of greater men and women than our selves so that we may have a better view.

Those of you who read my blog know that I perform stand up from time to time and that I study comedy. I don’t study so that I can borrow or steal — known as being a hack by insiders– but so that I can learn. I write and perform my own stuff. To do less than that would discredit those who went before me. It would be a disservice to people I respect greatly, like Gilda Radner, Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball. I have a lot of respect for comedy writers and comedy performers. It takes intelligence to write and perform clean comedy. There is a lot of intelligence in The Defenders.

No matter what our field, our ambition, or our goals, we are all standing on the shoulders of giants. Those great thinkers who went before us to lift us up to better heights. Never should we be so bold as to think the hill we stand on was made of our hands.

Compared to these guys, I’m a dwarf. A very grateful one and I’ll never forget that.

Monday menu : November 1, 2010

November 1, 2010November 1, 2010 Deana4 Comments

It’s November, can you believe it? Where did October go? I was going to learn how to make Apple Butter in October, but I guess I procrastinated the month away because that never happened. I’ve been sitting here this morning, trying to plan my menu for the week and I hate to say it, but I’ve got nothing. Well, I have my outline, you know fish on Mondays but still. I need inspiration today. Fortunately for me, WordPress has added a nifty new feature where it will plug-in related blogs at the bottom of your posts. This little trick has led me to some new and exciting places that I’ve been checking out all morning. This is where I like to go when my cookbooks come up empty.

1. Ree Drummond: The Pioneer Woman. Ree lives in Oklahoma and is married to a rancher. While her recipes might not always be low in fat, a lot of them are and her detailed directions make them easy to make. She writes about a LOT more than just cooking. I love her website. Granted, I have to set a timer when I go there because otherwise I’d never get anything done.

2. Abi Joy Hopkins: Support Future Artists. Abi also lives in Oklahoma. I’ve known her for 17 years and she is a delightful young woman whose artistic talents extends to the dinner table. I go to her blog when I’m looking for something fresh and creative. Oh man, you should really check her out. Abi cooks with whole foods and in a day where most young women do not know how to cook — she is an inspiration.

3. Elizabeth Edwards: Mom Cooks Elizabeth lives in Michigan (one of the dozen or so states I’ve lived in throughout my life) and I had to include her. I love her writing style and honesty. She’s a stay home mom just like me. She’s close to my age and I can totally relate to her. I’m thrilled with this new find. (Discovered via WP widgets)

4. Jenn Fowler: Frugal Upstate. I will admit, it was the title of her blog that caught my eye. “Upstate” can only mean one thing, she must be from New York. I was right! Okay, so reading her blog does make me a bit homesick. (I was born near Rattlesnake Gulch, outside of Syracuse.) Jenn refers to herself as a “suburban subversive, plotting to reinvent the way we stay-at-home-moms think about keeping up with the Joneses.” After reading her blog, I can’t help but wonder if my penchant for resale shops didn’t come from my time in NY. (Discovered via WP widgets)

5. When all else fails, I check out All Recipes dot com. It’s a free website where readers share recipe tips and ideas, complete with photographs. I fall back on this one a lot. I can save recipes to my virtual box, print them either as full-page or index cards, and they even have a subscription services where I receive daily recipes. I love it.

I’ve decided to try one recipe from each page this week and then one from my cookbooks. The tricky part is going to be decided which ones. They are all so good. I’ll let you know how it goes, how’s that?

Have a great week ya’ll.

Edited at 1:45 to add:

I have my choices for the week:

Today: Breaded Fish, tartar sauce, green beans, and sweet potato fries from Mom’s Cook. No recipe, just took one of her menu ideas since it took me so long to plan today — note to self: do not pig out on leftover Halloween candy while menu planning — it kinda kills it. LOL

Tue: Malsaysian Mango Chicken Curry from All Recipes

Wed: Roast Chicken with Autumn Veggies from Support Future Artists — this will be perfect as I’ll use the leftovers for chicken soup on Friday. – I’ll be out with my Dad on Friday night, so I’ll just cook up the soup for the guys.

Thursday: Spaghetti with artichoke hearts and tomatoes from The Pioneer Woman

Still looking for a saturday dish – will try something from Upstate and let ya’ll know how that turns out.