Category: humor

Friday Funny – I’m not a morning person

Deana4 Comments

Rumor has it there are people who wake up, shower, and even dress before drinking coffee. There are even people who don’t drink coffee at all, or so I’m told. I do not trust people like that.  I need a cup of coffee just to turn on the coffee maker. I might have a problem. It took me three cups of coffee just to work up the wherewithal to call my doctor this morning just to tell them I cannot make my appointment. THE appointment that I set four months ago because I really need to talk to him about something and don’t want to wait until my annual in September. And I had to cancel. Why? Because our new dog ate my glasses and I cannot drive without them. Three cups of coffee did not make me feel any less of a moron about calling. Just sayin’.

I know that I made several neurotic references to my premeditative state of possibly bailing on this appointment anyway, but I really was planning on going. I like him. More or less. As far as doctors go anyway. I only get neurotic because I have to deal with so many different doctors all at once. I miss the day when I could go to one doctor for everything. Not anymore. Everyone is specialized now. Add to that, I’m a caretaker of many people. Between Mom’s COPD (She’s in her last year probably), Dillon’s Epilepsy, and my In-Laws cancer (they’ve now passed), I’ve logged a few thousand hours in the doctor’s office. Therefore, I tend to avoid them even if it’s for me. I have made a committment to improve on that. Caretakers absolutely suck at taking care of themselves, don’t we.

The laugh is on me though. Instead of seeing one doctor, I now get to go see the eye doctor instead and get my glasses replaced. (it’s only two miles away) Probably should pick up a second pair to hide in my bra drawer just in case the puppy eats those as well. I live in a houseful of men — want to hide something you don’t want them to see? Put it in your bra drawer. Works every time. Not even a child dying to know what you got him for Christmas will look in there.

Hope you guys are having a great friday. I’ve got U2 on the stereo and I’m organizing the new space. Looking forward to the rest of the month.

 

Be Well

Be Happy

and don’t forget to Breathe.

Best,

Deana

Our New State Song: Carole King, I Feel The Earth Move

Deana4 Comments

While yes, it would have been funny if the DH and I were actually uhm… being intimate  when the first earth quake hit, but we’ve been married for 21 years, we like our sleep. Do you realize that Oklahoma has had FOUR earthquakes that I counted since 2 am Saturday night and I am no longer amused. Those are freaky. Add a tornado watch and severe storms on top of that you have a whole new definition of screwed. Stay indoors and have the house fall on you. Go outside and get struck by lightning. Really God?

Talk about a major kiss off from Mother Nature.

(Crap we just had another tremor as I’m writing)

I’m sorry MN. I take that back.

We in Oklahoma have decided that we need a state song and that our tectonic plates need duct tape. That or a big dose of Valium.

Anyway. Some Carole King for your listening enjoyment.

Pay Attention While Walking

Deana2 Comments

As someone who struggles with chewing gum while walking my Facebook status can wait. Not everyone however has the same issue. No clue which city posted this sign, but I think it’s hilarious.

Life with Boys: Halloween Decorations

DeanaLeave a comment

My boys love it when I decorate for Halloween. As far as they are concerned the creepier the better. The only problem with that is, we live in the Bible Belt. If I do anything other than cutesie people think we worship satan. Still. I love my guys and I love decorating for Halloween. I did try to balance cutesie with scary this year and the guys hate it. What’s a Mom to do?

My boys love our Halloween Ghouls
And yet, THIS freaks them out because the head moves. Go figure.

What are you most afraid of?

Deana4 Comments

Lit majors are not allowed to comment on the grammar in my title. “I’m afraid of sentences ending in prepositions.” Yes, aren’t we all. I went with it because it sounded far less snooty than “Of what are you most afraid?”

We’ve all been chatting lately on things that go bump in the night. Things that scare us whether it be movies, clowns, zombies, spiders or snakes and I thought I’d bring the conversation to you guys.

Three things I’m most afraid of?

1. Spiders

2. Driving over bridges.

3. Accidentally moving next door to my gynecologist.

My boys greatest fear, life without bacon.

What’s yours?

So much for daily blogging. I’ve been ill. Sorry.

Deana1 Comment

Waking up to stomach pains that rivaled my labor pains all those years ago is not pleasant. Spending the night in the emergency room hoping the pain would go away is not how I wanted to start this month.  They checked me for everything under the sun, Hepatitis, Kidney Stones, Blockages, Cardiac Enzymes, Appendicitis and more I’m sure. In the end, they came up rather empty, gave me morphine and sent me home. The best they could tell me was I had some inflamed diverticuli and to call my primary care doctor.

They were so sure I was “fine” the nurses let me unhook myself from the heart monitor before kicking me to the curb. I do have to laugh at that.

This is why I’ve been silent. I’m just not feeling well. And I’m afraid to eat.

I’m okay mind you. At least in the I’m not going to die anytime soon meaning of “ok.”  I’m just annoyed really that my body is revolting like this.

While living on non seed bearing anything, low acid fruit, Greek yogurt, goat milk and purple potatoes for the past few days, I’m researching the snot out of my symptoms hoping to find some answers.

I’m also preparing for a show this Saturday. I’m performing  in  a comedy review in Yukon Oklahoma with five other comics on October 8. I’m nervous and excited all at once.

I’ve been refining my set of stories and jokes for a couple of years now and I really like this particular set. It’s tried out, edited, retried, and edited some more.  I cannot count the hours it takes just to perfect 10 minutes. It’s crazy fun though. If I pass the first round, I get to perform 15 minutes in round 2. All of it is clean (PG) comedy. No swearing. No Sex. No Drugs. And most importantly, it’s funny! I like it.

Of course that means I have to leave my gynecologist jokes at the door. Bummer. Those work in clubs and other open mic nights, but not for a family crowd. “Vagina” it seems, is not a family friendly term. The fact that I can say it aloud without blushing like crazy took HOURS of practice. Of course getting my husband to say that word out loud — fuggetaboutit. I’m amazed we had children.

I’ll be back next week y’all. I promise.

Mrs Brown’s Bikini Wax, BBC

Deana4 Comments

This particular video has gone viral on Facebook. It took me a while to find the original and share it with you guys.  The show is called Mrs Brown’s Boys and I personally think it’s hilarious, albeit a bit crude. I laughed so hard, I cried.

I discovered BBC Television when I lived in Sweden back in 1981 and love it to death.

If you are easily offended, I suggest you don’t watch, but otherwise enjoy.

Flying Monkeys

DeanaLeave a comment

Does anyone remember that old saying, “Don’t make me call my flying monkeys!” ? Yeah, it’s been that kind of week. My husband is out-of-town and someone told the appliances, the dogs, and my hormones. If something isn’t breaking and I’m not hot flashing in the middle of the night, the dogs are waking me up at 3 am to tell me he isn’t home and we need to search for him NOW. Isn’t that nice of them.

I’m so sleep deprived that it’s quickly becoming one of those people are still alive because I couldn’t afford a hit man kind of weeks. Really and truly. Kinda.

From a medical perspective, I’m really not sure what my favorite part of the week was, getting the girls squished or having the angiogram. Actually I already know — the angiogram has better drugs. Even without the caffeine and nicotine, it still took three doses of  whatever it was they use plus one does of nitroglycerin to get my heart rate to 50. I only started at 70. I blacked out at some point which was entirely pleasant really. The feeling like I just wet myself sensation that comes from the dye – was not pleasant however. Such is life.

Why all the unpleasantries? Because I had an unplanned hysterectomy last year. I’d known about the mass for a while, but it wasn’t a good time — any mom’s out there know how that is? It’s never a good time for mom to go down. So I decided to deal with it later. Later turned out to be Easter Sunday when my husband rushed me to the hospital. (The mass was benign btw)

I missed out on a really awesome U2 concert because of that side trip. SO… I promised to take better care of myself going forward. I’m doing a good job actually — and while it seems like I’m going through a lot of tests right now, they are for my own good.

And that in a nutshell is why I haven’t posted this week. That plus I’m in charge of decorating for a fall fest at church on Saturday and I’ve been creating center pieces to my heart’s content this week.

I’ll be back on Monday – and in the mean time I think I will break out my Flying Monkey — it’s not the best Merlot in the world, but it works.

Have a great weekend you guys.