Category: Let's Talk About it.

Rules of Engagement in a Social Media Age

Deana3 Comments

Another post on social engagement? yep. Why? I thought in light of last night’s elections and the “banter” I’ve been seeing, we could all use a good reminder of how to BE NICE. In all fairness, am I always nice? no.. remember Paco? yeah, that wasn’t nice at all. I called my Facebook/Blogging friend Taylor an over stuffed pig. Fortunately, I’m good at groveling and owning my own messes when I create them. Even better, he’s really good at forgiving. Taylor is performing in Oklahoma next summer and I get to go to his show and talk face to face without the shame of unconfessed sin. I love it!

The old me — never would have owned my mistake, or apologized. I simply would have hidden myself away and avoided said person for the rest of my life. — What’s neat is knowing I’m not that woman today. What would be better, is not behaving in a way that requires amends. One of these days, maybe.

This has been a strange week, one day I get drowned by negative comments and snarky remarks, and the next day I meet a new blogger. He’s a young guy, 23 years old and new to the blogosphere. He left a rather funny comment on my blog, and I checked him out. I check out everyone who comments. He didn’t comment to promote himself, necessarily, he just  thought what I’d written was funny. His name linked back to his page and found him to be funny as well. I’m always happy to meet someone new. I enjoy posts like that.

I have a rather eclectic “tribe” if you will. We all come from different walks of life. Very few of us are the same religion, and yet we get along. Why? Because we are respectful of each other. Oh sure, I get the occasional spammers who just want to leave their link in hopes of driving traffic, and yes, I get the ones who want to hit and run – pouring gasoline on some post I’d written leaving behind an anonymous name. I delete those. If you aren’t going to tell me who you are, don’t expect me to listen to you. And as a the host of this blog, I have a responsibility to protect my other commenters. While discussion and friendly debate are healthy, ganging up on someone simply because you disagree with them is not. I delete those comments as well.

Social Media Etiquette is a new thing. As we learn to interact with each other over the internet, we need to remember that the rules that apply in real life — face to face – should also apply online. Sadly we don’t always remember that. Even more sad is when I find out that yes, they are this rude in person as they are online. ICK.

 I have three points that I try to remember and want to pass on.

Be Responsible – Take accountability not only for your posts, but your comments as well. I’m not really interested in seeing a repost of someone elses work on your blog. Write your own content, and follow copywrite laws. Use spell check and don’t misrepresent facts. If you receive compensation for a specific referral or post, FCC regulations require that we report that at the end of our blogs. Double check what you are reporting when possible. Same goes for comments you leave on people’s pages. If you can add to the conversation, great do so. But if you simply want to take away from it and start a fight, move on. Which brings me to my next point.

Be Respectful — There is nothing that drives readership and commenters away more quickly than rude and irresponsible posts and rebuttals. What do I mean by that? My readers don’t always agree with every post, and I welcome differing opinions freely. We just have an understanding. Be respectful in how you comment and how you treat other commentors.  I mediate my comments section and if I see rude or snarky remarks aimed at another poster, I will either issue a warning or delete the offending comment entirely. I’ve seen many blogs that do this rather well (ie.. Randy Elrod, Micheal Hyatt, Carlos Whittaker) and I’ve seen many blogs that don’t do this well. — Those I’ll let you find on your own. — please note: a comment that expresses a differing opinion than mine is not necessarily rude and snarky – a comment that calls me an idiot for thinking what I think and drowning me or someone else in paragraphs of “proof” IS. If you get attacked after leaving a comment, don’t defend yourself, just don’t go back. I’ll give a blogger three tries and if each time I leave a comment, no matter how well it’s worded and the blog owner allows his friends to attack me, or attacks me themselves, I delete them from my rolls, it’s that simple.

Relax Already – It’s not the end of the world if someone disagrees with you or if you disagree with a post. Social media is supposed to Enlighten, Entertain, Engage and hopefully Educate. If you don’t like the tone of something you read, don’t leave a nasty remark, just move on. There are millions of pages to be seen in the blogosphere and not every one is going to be up your alley. It’s okay. The same rule applies if someone doesn’t agree with your take on things. Don’t get defensive and argue back. Engage them in the conversation, ask leading questions. You might learn something.

 Above all — just have fun. Social Media isn’t meant to replace real life relationships. It can however, broaden your horizons and bit and maybe help you learn some new things.

  

Related Articles

This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart: Confessions of a Spiritual Bulimic. All rights reserved. No goods or services were received in exchange for any of the bloggers mentioned in today’s post. I am simply listing them as what I believe to be positive examples on how to engage in today’s world.

Let’s Talk About it: Priorities

DeanaLeave a comment
perfectionist 2
Image by Katiya (Singhing again) via Flickr

 

 I don’t know about you, but I tend to spend a good portion of my day focusing on what I do well and neglecting what I think I don’t do well. I love to study, teach Bible Studies, write, work with artists, and promote events for charity. All of those are great things it’s just that, I hate housework. I don’t mean dislike, I mean really really HATE it. My excuse is, I’m just not good at it, which is code for I can’t do it to my standards and therefore I tend to avoid it.   

 Then I let things build up to such a point that I nearly kill myself putting it back in order again.  When I really think about it, that’s how I approach my health, my weight, my spiritual life, my work. I let things slide if I don’t think I can do them well enough and then kill myself putting my house back in order again.        

Yep, I’m a perfectionist.         

I did argue that with someone once. I told her that a perfectionist is someone who does things perfectly all the time, I don’t even come close to well enough in my opinion, much less perfect so there is no way ……         

 I’ve learned something though. Eating disorders and perfection are very closely tied. Both are about control. If my world feels out of control than I find something external to focus on like my body or a project or a person or whatever. And I’ll use that to numb the fear. I’m afraid of what I can’t control. If I can’t control it, I might be disappointed, and I don’t like pain.         

Control is why I         

  • Work out for hours a day when practicing Tai Chi or train for other events. I don’t want to practice an art, I want to WIN. It’s never about playing the game, it’s really about winning.
  • If I think I can’t win, I quit.
  • Starve myself when I want to achieve a certain weight goal.
  • Avoid uncomfortable conversations when I’m feeling hurt or rejected.
  • Stuff my “out of control” feelings with food, or work, or religion.
  • Hyper focus on what I’m good at and ignore everything else, thinking I can control my world.

I need balance and better priorities.         

I did discover FLYLADY a few years back and her programs and schedules do help me stay prioritized. It’s just a tool though, and it only works, when I work it. Through Marla’s web site and encouragement, I am learning how to be less of a perfectionist and more of a person.       

Another thing I do is remember what King David writes in the psalms, Psalm 121:1-2 I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.     

God helps me with my perfection, my fears, my eating and hyper focusing and everything else. I can’t get there by myself. The more I reach out through prayer and through listening the better able I am to make better choices and find peace.    

What about you?         

Are you a perfectionist?         

How do you prioritize your day?         

This post written by Deana O’Hara, for Confessions of a Spiritual Bulimic. All rights reserved. September 10, 2010.

Let’s Talk About it: Why are you a ………

Deana3 Comments

In yesterday’s post I commented that I choose to be a Christian because it works for me.

That comment both confused and upset a few people. I didn’t mean that nearly as flip or me-centric as it may have sounded. And I’m sure it does pose the inevitable question of “So if it stops working does that mean you’ll try something else?”  While that is a very fair question, the answer for me is no, I am not going to go somewhere else when this doesn’t seem to be working for me. It really isn’t about me, I’m home.

The problem is though – Christianity isn’t all I’ve ever known. So for me, it was a choice. Whether that faith came from God or was passed on by my Grandmother and other witnesses is not my point of discussion for right now. I’ll get to that later, I promise.

My question for you guys though is this:

What is your faith tradition. Why are you a _______________ (Fill in the blank)

 

This blog post written by Deana O’Hara for Confessions of a Spiritual Bulimic. September 8, 2010. All Rights Reserved.   This is a friendly place, please keep all of your comments and discussion respectful of others. As owner of this blog, please note that I reserve the right to delete all comments that are snarky and/or off topic.

Facebook and LinkedIN and Twitter, oh my

Deana2 Comments

When I first opened my Facebook account back in whenever it was,2006 or 2007 maybe, it was just to keep track of my kids activities. Soon after that our church friends started joining, then my comic friends, family, highschool, college, and pets. I have so many groups and subgroups, events and book clubs on my account today that I cannot keep track. All this social media is a little overwhelming sometimes. I know I have too many friends when someone can delete me and I cannot figure out who it is. Facebook is my address book of people I’ve met over time and I think I really should have a plan B here because if Facebook suddenly went away, I’d be toast. It’s my glass house menagerie of  acquaintances, family, and friends all mashed into one giant fish bowl and the world feels very very small sometimes.

I’ve noticed a lot of my working friends are establishing two accounts. One for public consumption (fan pages) and one for private use. I’m beginning to like that idea – a lot. but that begets the question of who gets to be public and who gets to be private. I’m too neurotic to decide and so we swim in the same bowl.

For some, Facebook is just composed of their inner circle of friends and I think that’s great. It’s a safe place on the net. There are some pages I don’t need to be on because I’m not in their inner circle — I’m learning it’s okay to step back and give them their pages back —

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my own page yet. I do need to split it out somehow, I’m just not sure how yet.

For those of you  who have Facebook, how do you handle that? Is it private? do you have business contacts separate from friends and family or something else? I’d love to know.

Let’s Talk About it: Spawn of Satan

Deana7 Comments

You couldn’t pay me to be a pastor’s wife. Which is a good thing really because churches don’t pay the wife, only the husband. And even then, they don’t pay much.  I would make a horrible pastor’s wife. Really, I would. I’m too emotional. Too political. Too ADD. Too mean. I have opinions that probably don’t line up with everyone. I sin. As Anne Lamott would say, “I think things so awful that if I were to say them out loud, it would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of a cat bowl.”  Really.

I’m Job’s wife a lot of the time.

“These are the people you love and serve and this is how they treat you? – Don’t tell me God called you to this, quit, it’s not worth it! ( curse God and die basically) – they don’t deserve you!”

Yeah – I’d be a horrible pastor’s wife to be sure.

A friend of ours is a deacon in another church. Their pastor is allegedly the spiritual leader of their church, but only when he does things exactly the way they (the congregation) wants him to. If he steps out of line someone is there to slam him back across the tape.  Some people view him as an employee to do their bidding and nothing more. Fun place to be.

Our friend’s pastor has been teaching the deacons how to lead small group bible studies on Wednesday nights and one of the deacons didn’t like that, so he wrote a letter. In this letter he wrote “you are the spawn of satan and so are your children. If you aren’t willing to do your job and teach on Wednesdays than you have no right taking a paycheck from us….”

WOW. A deacon wrote that!

If that were my husband to receive a letter like that?

 Lock and load baby!

That man wants to see the spawn of satan? I’d show him the spawn of satan all right. Hell hath no fury and all.

Pastor’s wives aren’t allowed to lock and load – they have to love and forgive and cry at home. It’s not fair really – in my opinion. Yeah, I’m not good at that.

Let’s talk about it:

What role does your pastor play in your church? Are they the spiritual leader or just an employee? How would you handle a letter like this? If you are a pastor’s wife or husband reading this — you can comment anonymously if you like — I’d really love to hear from you. – email me privately if you want at deana_ohara@yahoo.com, I’ll protect your name.

Let’s Talk About it: Listening to what isn’t said

Deana4 Comments

The reality of the other person is not in what he reveals to you, but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather what he does not say. Kahlil Gibran

Who do you listen to? Or better yet,

 who is listening to and watching you?

I shared with a pastor recently that my husband and I do not feel welcome in his church and will probably not be coming back even though we enjoy the service. It isn’t necessarily what has been said to us directly but rather what is being said around us that makes us feel this way. I wish I could put my finger on exactly what it is that we are hearing, or seeing but I can’t. There is an underlying communication that we aren’t welcome unless we make ourselves fit in with their orthodox point of view. We feel like square pegs trying to fit into a myopic pin point of a hole.

We aren’t orthodox. We’re confessional as far as Lutherans go, and yet — we feel unwelcome because we’re different. Not wrong mind you, just different.   They call praise music “sick and wrong” and we’re praise musicians. They refer to people working the church plants as “nice and well intended, but misguided” — and we’re church plant volunteers. Their deacon speaks of how wonderful he feels being part of such a “godly” group of leaders — unlike his last church — which is our present church by they way.

We’re life long Christians — feeling unwelcome and looked down upon in a Christian church within our own denomination — all in the name of  who knows what really. I wonder how a non-Christian feels when they come in their doors? Do they come back – or do they silently leave like we did.

What kinds of things do you say when you think no one is listening? What does your body language look like when you think no one is looking? Who isn’t coming back to your church? Or — another question – have you ever felt hurt and unwelcome in church? How did you handle it?

My name is Deana and I am bulimic

Deana6 Comments
Eating Cake on my second birthday.

There is a sentence I never thought I’d say or write, but it’s true. Looking back at my MIL’s photo album from the last 22 years, I can’t help but see it. My 5’4” frame has varied in weight from 127 – 210 pounds and back again since I was 13. Today, I am somewhere in the high end of the middle. My joints hurt, I tire easily, and my eating disorder has stolen more than I can even count right now.

 I read Anne Lamott’s Traveling Mercies while I was recovering from my hysterectomy this summer and while I cannot relate to her stories of alcoholism, I can relate to her chapter on bulimia. In that chapter she writes about learning how to feed herself. I read that and realized that I too do not know how to feed myself, physically, emotionally, or mentally. I can relate to her resentment over having anyone control her drinking because I feel the same way about my eating. I have refused groups like Overeaters Anonymous because I don’t want anyone telling me what to eat and when or where to exercise and how.  I’m like a two year old with a “Me do it” mentality. I have gone so far as to ask a friend in OA which “control freak” groups to stay away from so that I could stay in control of myself. I didn’t like his answer and I simply resolved to try harder. I’m failing at it miserably by the way – go figure.

 Seems I live that way a lot. Try harder and it’ll all work out. I’ve been a member of the Al-Anon Family Groups since 1977, you’d think I’d know better but apparently I don’t always.  God and I are working on that.

 Redemption’s Heart is still the main name of my blog.

 Isaiah 43  1 But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;  I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

You may notice that I added the phrase “Confessions of a Spiritual Bulimic” to my title. I’ve done that because my bulimia has over time become a life mind set; it over flows into everything I do. I binge on whatever it is that feels good or fills me up at the moment only to find that it doesn’t sustain. Filled with shame and guilt, I purge my emotions, my calendar and sometimes my food and vow to do better next time. It simply fits my story.

 For those who’ve been with me since the beginning, you know that Redemption’s Heart does not follow a nice clean churchy path. It is one of starts and stops, highs and lows, mixed with moments of amazing clarity and foggy confusion. I have been rejected by more churches than accepted by; refused baptism by one priest and therefore baptized in a tradition I’ve never belonged to (Episcopal); I’ve met the Maharishi, offered unwitting prayers to Sova (transcendental meditation); met the King of Sweden; believed in the healing power of crystals; studied Wiccan; practiced Tai Chi; read tarot cards as if they were real; contemplated (and eventually rejected) the possibilities of reincarnation; prayed in tongues (yes, I have that gift and will write about it later); prayed with groans when nothing else sufficed; prayed scripture; prayed to saints, dead relatives, God and the Virgin Mary. I have even conversed with Mary in dreams and argued with the devil himself.

 Somewhere in there I married a Missouri Synod Lutheran.

My road has been well-traveled my friends, and I, like St Augustine, know that it is God who has called me by name. When I am tired of listening to my own voice, I remember to get still again and listen to his.

Most of my readers were Lutheran when I first started writing and as a result, mixed with a deep seeded desire to fit in and please, I try to keep my posts what I call “Lutheran Friendly.” Today my readership is mixed. Some of you are Catholic, Baptist, Buddhist, Charismatic, Muslim, Jewish, Wiccan, and even Agnostic. We are an eclectic community in this little slice of cyber space and I am thankful for each and every one of you. I simply ask that in our conversations we stay polite and kind with each other.

 There will be posts and thoughts about God and life that you can resonate with and there will be posts that will probably violate all sensibilities and make you think. I think that is a good thing.

 I’m not here to discuss politics – in or out of church – nor am I here to convince you that I’m correct in my assessments of life or of God. I don’t know all of the million dollar words that makes Christians sound so well-educated.  I’m a traveler in this world, just like you. I’m really here because, well – I’m growing my voice and this seems to be the best way to do that. I’m humbled by the reality that many of you have chosen to join me in this journey.

 I will still review books, offer resource recommendations and talk about my daily life – perhaps ad nauseam some times and in that mix I will share with you my steps, my stumbles, my neuroses, and my prayers.

 Thank you for joining me.

This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved. August 12, 2010

My Surgeon is awesome: Girl Talk

Deana7 Comments
Robert Downey Jr, as Iron Man.
Oct 18, 2011 – This particular piece received a lot of hits this week so I thought I’d look at it to see why and oh wow I really shouldn’t publish blog pieces while still on pain meds. I’d delete this, but there’s some good stuff in it, even if it does reveal a mild (and short lived) post-op crush on my surgeon – so I’m keeping it. You should have seen it before I scrubbed it — mortified does not even begin to describe how I feel reading this a year later and realizing it has gone viral locally.  I wrote this back when I had all of four readers — my family — and then I promptly forgot about it until now. — This is part of a series I’d written during my hysterectomy in 2010. You can tab to the older entries to see the full story if you’d like. or not. Either way – enjoy.

———————————————

The only thing I hate more than going to the doctor’s office is going to a MALE doctor’s office. I don’t do doctors. I especially don’t do MALE doctors. Hmmm. Nope, not my style. And yet what do I get with my referral on Easter? A Male doctor. Nice.

Color my Easter basket un-thrilled. It’s bad enough I was in so much pain I had to leave Easter Services to go to the hospital, now I find out that I need to see a guy about my female parts?  Can I just please fall down a rabbit hole and stay there? I mean, it worked for Alice didn’t it? —

Oh that’s right, she came out of it eventually.

Drat.

I tried to drown my pitiful sorrows with chocolate marshmallow bunnies, but it didn’t help. I needed to see a specialist and he was available and it turns out, it didn’t kill me.

My surgeon at looks kinda like Robert Downey Jr (or at least he did post anesthesia), is a College Lit major before med school, artist, poet,  loves the rock band U2, happily married with children, is a total brainiac, and he cares as much about my emotional well-being as he does my physical health.

Can I keep him if I say he followed me home?

Okay, well no probably not. I’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t go for the whole followed me home bit. Worked with the cat, but not a doctor.

Still, the whole reason I know he loves U2 is because I told him once that my husband and I have tickets to see U2 in Denver on June 12 and how I think that I “need” to be well by then.

That isn’t going to happen, and Bono is in the hospital as well, so I’ll see them in 2011 instead.

Even though the answer is no climbing the Rockies so soon after my hysterectomy, my surgeon did at least empathize with me. He also found a way for us to connect emotionally – a mutual appreciation for the rock band U2. That connection took me from freaked out scared to “I think I can do this.”

I like that.

I tell him a lot of things actually, and I am pleasantly shocked to discover that he not only listens to me – he repeats facts I’ve shared back to me at various times and uses them work through a plan of action for my recovery. He hears me. Wow.

 

My MALE surgeon rocks like Bono….

                                                                                                                          ………………. only better. Who knew?

So why is this news?

Because I only use female doctors thank you very much.  Always have always will. Except for this time. This time I needed an emergency referral and opted for first available and got R.D. Jr.  Edited on June 29 to add — my surgeon is my new GYN. I’m not going back to someone else. He’s an excellent doctor, and I can get over his being male — eventually. (laughs)

Common myths I’ve always believed.  

1. A female Doctor will understand me in ways a male doctor cannot.

2. A female doctor will listen and be compassionate.

AND

3. I’ve always thought of Male gynecologists as a creepier than normal Mr Rogers. (I’m serious, grown men in cardigans have scared me since I was a toddler.)

What I’ve learned in the last 40 days –

It’s not the sex of your doctor that matters, it’s the doctor that matters.

My female doctor listened to my complaints about my cycle getting worse and said “Welcome to Peri-Menopause” without looking into it.

RDJ said let’s look for the cause.

My female doctor listened to my complaints about my bladder getting weaker and said “Welcome to middle age, it comes from having babies dear.”

RDJ said, “I might be able to fix that, if you need me to, but I’m not sure you do yet. Let’s find the balance between too much and just enough, okay?”

My female doctor listened to my complaints about random abdominal pain and said “here take these pills, I think you are getting depressed.”

RDJ. said “This is why you are in pain, …… I can fix that.”

My female doctor felt the top of my mass, said my abs had split and told me where I could get a tummy tuck.

I never asked him where I could have gotten one of those. That would have been well… too much for me. But what he did so is spend more time doing the surgery right (albeit the hard way) so that I could recover more quickly. And it was the fibroid pressing on my bladder that was causing my “issues” and not my babies after all.

I can’t tell you if my surgeon is good at making eye contact, because I wasn’t. I still have some issues with the whole male gyn thing, BUT: What I can tell you is at this office, and at Saint Whosits  in Tulsa, I felt cared for, cared about, and taken care of. He listened to me and he included me in every step of the process. He went out of his way to make me comfortable and help me understand.

While I’ve worked with men almost my whole life – I prefer to stay in my head. Intellectually I can match any man. What I don’t do well, is  vulnerable. And in order for this patient/doctor relationship to really work, I have to be vulnerable. What’s great about this office, and this particular surgeon is they make it easier to do that than I had expected.

I couldn’t ask for more in a doctor, male or female. Can you? So, question for you dear friends, what is your favorite thing about your doctor and what is your least favorite thing?

 I realize I am being more well, personal than usual. I mean yeah, I can wear my heart on my sleeve,  but today – I want you to see my internal heart.

Added May 31, 2011 – It has been exactly a year since my hysterectomy. (Read update here) I cannot even put into words how much better I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually. While I wish I could have avoided the surgery, I’m grateful for the staff of doctors and nurses who walked me through it every step of the way.   

This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart. All rights reserved. Please note that no goods or services were provided in exchange for this post.

It’s Like Dr Seuss for your house

Deana6 Comments
It's made to do that!

“The act of creation is a profoundly satisfying experience.  Taking an abstract idea, giving it form, refining proportions, placing lines, integrating functionality, and giving this spark of imagination a real, physical presence is a process that gives me great joy.” – Vincent Leman of Dust Furniture   

 I’m taking a much need break over my whiney health issues to bring you something really really cool. I was searching last night for a new cabinet for our bathroom when I found this page. I had to do a double take, because surely this is a set designer for Whooville, right? Nope.  Vincent Leman is a carpentry artist out of Indiana and I think his page rocks!   

Even though he does create more compact pieces, most of his design work requires larger rooms in order to fully appreciate their function and form. Check out the blue book-case to the right. Don’t you just love the lines, and angles? I do.  

Honey, I know what I want for my birthday!  

I’m guessing his work is really more appropriate for libraries and story telling corners, or classrooms even. But still — wouldn’t you just love having one of these pieces in say a home nursery or child’s playroom?   

I’m in love, no doubt about it. And I wish beyond wishes that I had a child’s room to decorate or some other fun type place in my home to put one of these wonderful pieces.   

So, that’s my fun and frivolous for today.    

Hope you guys are having a wonderfully fun Thursday. Go outside, enjoy the sunshine and breathe deep the joys found in today.  

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for the above mentioned books, authors, or blogs. I am only recommending people, writers, that I personally enjoy and think might be of interest to my readers. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart, April 8, 2010. All rights reserved. 

Let’s talk about it: Oh Just Shut up

Deana4 Comments

It’s been assessed today that I am stupid, selfish, heartless and self-serving. I’ve also been told I need to shut the deleted swear word up, because I have health insurance. Good thing I don’t get my selfesteem from Facebook. 

Scripture has a lot of answers on handling conflict, and being agreeable even when we disagree. My brain came up empty in the heat of the moment. I didn’t stay calm and pray, because frankly my prayers of “forgive them for they know not how stupid I think they sound right now,” probably would not have risen past my ceiling. So I removed my hurt feelings and insulted self from the entire conversation by deleting all my comments.

Seems the best thing to do. The last time I lost my temper with someone, I was put in commenter’s purgatory for six months (true and embarrassing story).

Having said that, What do you do when you are passionate about something and it’s obvious the other person just isn’t going to agree with you. Do you listen or tell them to shut up? Have you ever been told to just shut up? How did you handle it?