Jeff did not marry me for my cooking. – I tend to burn things
Nor did he marry me for my housekeeping skills. – I have a Martha Stewart heart with a Rosanne Barr Skill set.
Jeff married me because I can make him laugh by thinking up crazy stuff like this.
March has definately been a month for traveling. First Jeff leaves for a week in Florida, and then I am in Nashville Tennessee. I came home in time for Spring break and have been blessed to have time with my family this whole week. My boys and I, spending time hanging around the house watching scary movies, working in the yard, or just making cookies. It’s been different this week. In a good way really.
I can remember when I’d send my boys to camp. How different, and more grown up they would seem when they came home.
I feel different today. I feel like I’ve been to camp. I even feel a little more grown up. I know more about myself than I did just a week ago. I know more about God.
It’s strange. Both of us traveling. We aren’t used to it. Jeff isn’t. I’m not. And yet here we are, following God individually and together.
Our family is growing. My boys are changing. I’m changing. I’m still Mom. But I’m not Mom in the sense I was when they were younger. Our relationship is evolving into something more. And something less at the same time. It’s almost bittersweet in that regard.
They don’t need me like they used to.
And yet, they need me more.
They need a Mom who is a person as well as “Mom.” A mom who follows God where – ever he takes her. Knowing that she will always come back home.
I’ll always be Jeff’s wife, Charlie and Dillon’s Mom. I haven’t always been Deana. Not until recently anyway. Finding her is fun.
Have you ever said something you thought was really stupid, expected the worst and received grace instead? I have. I’ve also received the worst when that happens too. Human grace, can be inconsistent. The impulsiveness that comes with being an ADD Redhead, is sometimes a blessing, and sometimes, not. There are days when I really wish the filter between my brain and my mouth worked better. There are also days where I wish I could simply relax and not worry so much about stuff like that.
My husband has a catch phrase for those foot in mouth moments, “This moment brought to you by Attention Deficit Disorder.” and we have learned to laugh them off. I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older. I am however still human and when I go on rabbit trails, I like to take people with me for the ride sometimes.
There are people who cannot handle that. And you know, I’m learning how to accept that about them and find different people to hang with. I prefer to surround myself with Grace-Filled people today. I also try to model grace to others as much as possible. In part because I need a lot of grace at times, and in large part, because I’ve noticed that Grace is decidedly lacking in this world. Everyone needs people in their lives who love them unconditionally. People who celebrate our differences and embrace us, rabbit trails and all. I need people like that, and you need people like that.
I was a Rotary International Exchange Student when I was 16. During my year in Sweden we went to the Nobel Awards and was granted an audience with the king. I’d never met a really live king before and I was excited. I imagined that he would be like every fairy tale that I’d ever read. My host family spent weeks preparing me for the event. I had lessons on poise and etiquette, had my hair done, bought new clothes – the whole package. The day finally arrived and we all were a bundle of excitement and nerves. We could not wait to meet this King.
Our group of teenagers formed a circle in the grand palace waiting for his entrance. The rules ran through my head. Don’t make eye contact, bow low, speak only when spoken to and address him only as your grace. A man entered the room, surrounded by security. Looking at him I noticed that he didn’t really look anything like what I’d read about in the books. He wasn’t tall and statuesque. There really wasn’t anything remarkable about him that would set him apart from other men. He looked (gasp) NORMAL. I couldn’t get over it.
By the time he made it to me, my nerves got the best of me, and I forgot every rule I had been told. I made eye-contact, forgot to bow, and instead of waiting to be spoken to and responding with your Grace, I stuck my hand out to shake his and said “Hi, I’m Deana. Wow, you’re shorter than I thought you’d be.” (Open Mouth, insert foot.)
True story – my questionable remark silenced the room and all eyes were on him. Everyone was looking at the King to see how they should react. I was mortified. I suddenly remembered the rules and bowed down as low as I could, hoping he wouldn’t cut off my head or anything.
And then I heard it. The sound of unmerited Grace,laughter. The King was laughing. I felt the hand of Grace while he reached out, took my hand and pulled me back up to a standing position. His eyes were dancing. I hadn’t offended him at all. I’d amused him. I was safe and I was relieved.
Grace, in human form is an awesome gift. When we extend grace to others, we model God’s grace. And while the level of grace I model isn’t always in top form and is very contingent on my mood or day, God’s Grace is eternal and for that, I am grateful.
I’d love to hear from you – can you share with me a time where you tripped up, expected the worst, but received Grace instead.
Copyright: Deana O’Hara, Redemption’s Heart. 2009.
Regret is an intelligent (and/or emotional) dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that he or she had not done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret — one which may be difficult to comprehend in an objective or conceptual way. In this regard, the concept of regret is subordinate to guilt in terms of its “emotional power.” By comparison, shame typically refers to the social (rather than personal) aspect of guilt or (in minor context) regret as imposed by the society or culture (enforcement of ethics, morality), which has substantial bearing in matters of (personal and social) honor.
Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed, but also, importantly, regret of inaction. Many people find themselves wishing that they had done something in a past situation.
I know, I know. Two blogs in one day. What is the world coming to?
I’ve been working on my garden today and I noticed some things. I noticed that my tulips are coming up and that my hydrangeas are budding. My tulips are some of my favorites. They are a bleeding heart variety. They open fully and follow the sun where ever it is in the sky. It’s breathtaking to watch.
God speaks to me in my garden. Not in an outloud burning bush Moses kind of way, that would be too wierd. But, he does speak to me, in my heart and in my spirit.
Every year, he shows me something new. The first year I had my tulips he showed me that if I stayed open, and followed Him (the real Son) he would show me my heart. My tulips had a rough year last year, but here they are trying again. As for my hydrangea? She did okay last year, not great but okay. They too are budding.
There is nothing in my garden that intentionally gives up on it’s own. My flowers don’t regret last season and refuse to bloom this season. They just aren’t wired that way.
You and I are supposed to be wired like those flowers. You and I are supposed to keep growing, keep blooming and keep trying. Sometimes we do, often times we don’t. Unlike my flowers who don’t need reminders, we sometimes do.
We need friends to come along side of us and ask, “Why are you hanging onto that? Don’t you know Christ’s blood covers a lifetime of regret. He carried that burden to the cross, you don’t need to.”
Normally, I save those comments for face time, but since you’re here – let me ask you, “Why are you hanging onto that? The blood of Christ covers a lifetime of regret. He carried that burden to the cross. You can let it go. Don’t let Satan use false shame to steal your beauty.”
What regrets do you have this Spring? What false shame are you carrying with you? Was it something you said? Something you did? Or maybe something you didn’t do?
I’m there with you.
Why don’t you join me this Easter as we both allow Christ’s death and resurrection to turn our ashes into beauty and lay down our regrets once and for all at the foot of the cross.
The singer in this video is Tammy Trent. click on her name to link to her page.
Copyright: Deana O’Hara, Redemption’s Heart. 2009.
So what does an OKIE girl do on a beautiful, almost spring day? Dig in the dirt mostly. My gardens are trying to bloom. My tulips are coming up, my magnolia bush has already bloomed. And I still need to build out four more beds to get ready for Spring and Summer. I was supposed to be working on building those beds during the winter, but seriously who wants to be outside building flower beds in 20 degree weather? I may be going through Peri menopause, but my flashes are not enough to keep me warm in that environment. So, I kept putting it off until it warmed up.
It’s warm. My plants arrived early and I’ve got a week to build my beds.
Procrastination is not always my friend.
Speaking of arrivals, I had some “trees” come while I was in Nashville, which kinda freaked out my husband.
They aren’t tree’s exactly. More like really tall bushes, that grow to about 5 or 8 feet in height if you let them. But they aren’t trees. Really.
Another new piece I’ve added is wisteria. I love wisteria vines and so I ordered one last fall and then forgot I ordered it. Imagine Jeff’s surprise when a box comes (while I’m out of town)with the label “Grows 25 to 40 feet.” To call his reaction concerned, would be an understatement.
He has good reason for his concern. Really. He is after all married to an ADHD redhead who misses small detail, like plant height.
Case in point. While planning my front garden last year, I ordered what I thought was this: 
The small print (stuff I can’t see to read) showed what I really bought was this: 
A tree that grows 15 feet. Oopsies. Simple enough, I put my new tree in the South East front corner of the yard, where I’m sure it will flourish beautifully.
So you understand his concern. He works in engineering at Level 3. I’m an artist in many senses, more than a little ADD, and a bit flowy in my visual thinking. I’m envisioning the BIG garden picture – I’m painting with plants, I see color and texture and style. He’s looking at size and feasibility, of both our yard and our checkbook, basically, he does damage control.
Copyright: Deana O’Hara, Redemption’s Heart. 2009.
Edited on March 23, 2009 to explain that this IS my new web page. I moved Red Bridges Home to here – Redemption’s Heart. – you are now on the right page – I’ll be adding more information as time goes on, about Redemption’s Heart and what that is all about.
Deana
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Great news everyone. deanaohara.com is presently underconstruction. That’s good news indeed. Through this new website, I will be able to share with all of you what is new, what is happening with Ablaze Church, Zion’s Fire, and well… me. Redbridgeshome will remain as a personal site whereas deanaohara.com will be my ministry site.
This is an exciting time for Redemption’s Heart and who better than my friends to share that with.
Stay tuned for more information.
Be blessed
Pastor spoke this morning about how we sing when we are in love, and what better place is there to be in love and sing than church? Great thoughts.
Psalm 92:1-4
A psalm. A song. For the Sabbath day.
1 It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,
2 to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,3 to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.4 For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD;
I sing for joy at the works of your hands.
Isaiah 50:7
“Because the sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced.”
My greatest fear, isn’t being disliked. My greatest fear is being publically humiliated. Hate me all you want, just don’t embarass me. I’m pretty sure that this is a true statement for all of us in some fashion or another. I love attention, just not that kind.
My husband sent me this bible verse Thursday night after I’d told him how unsure I was that I’d made the right decision in traveling for this workshop. I was feeling very guilty for leaving home after he’d been gone so long. What if my kids needed me, what if something happened. Or worse, what if I was gone and they figured out that they could get along just fine without me. I was also feeling very selfish for pursing a “my dream” kind of deal.
Leaving Corporate America ten years ago was both the best and worst things I could have done. It was the best in that I have a family that I am proud of of having a part in raising. It was the worst because with that career went my definition of who I was. Returning to the workforce at 43, scares me. I’m behind, I’m out of touch with the industries and technologies today. My learning curve has increased expotentially. Some days I wonder if I will ever catch back up.
I’m not alone. I’m not white-knuckeling my way through this mine field of change. I’m in Christ and because of Him, and who he is, I will not be humiliated. He guides my path, my only role is to trust him and practice using the gifts he has placed in front of me.
Looking not so far into the future that I become intimidated and overwhelmed, I simply look for the next right action, remember to breath and walk the steps He has numbered for me today.
Written March 13, 2009
I have my days were admitting this is hard, but the truth is, I am my own problem. I am not your problem. Nobody, and I don’t care who you are, is responsible for my self-esteem. I keep telling myself that in spite of the fact, that I do at times try to make others responsible.
Yes, there are times and people who can take chinks out of it, or even add to it with a well timed compliment, but in the end – I stand alone. And so do you.
We all do.
And yet we don’t.
As believers, we stand in Christ. Filled to the measure with His Holy Spirit. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us – but sometimes, I’ll let false shame, push him away.
I’m presently in a place that I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be. I chose to take a risk, step out on faith, and come to the Professional Communicator’s Summit in Franklin Tennessee taught by Ken Davis and his staff at DCW. I am having a blast. I’m meeting people from all walks of life and from all places in ministry and I am learning things I could have never – ever learned anywhere else.
What blows my mind is how easily I could have talked myself out of coming. How easily – as recent as last night, the voices can start with how I don’t fit in, I’m out of my league, these people will never accept me. I haven’t done anything yet to warrent their approval or acceptance. There is no way I can earn that respect in just a couple of hours. I’m asking stupid questions, they are going to figure out that I’m the banana on the peach tree pretty quickly.
Now I have to tell you, it’s not just things like the Summit that can do that to me. It can be any thing, anywhere. And I have to know that about myself – repent of that kind of egotistical thinking. And yes, low self worth is still self obession and it’s pure EGO – I’m Edging God Out of my life when I get like that. And when I want to be liked, respected, fit in and approved of by people I’ve placed on a higher plane than myself, I’ve made them gods. Idolotry in it’s most basest form.
I did not invest the money I invested in this weekend to hide behind a frail ego, to be coddled and nurtured by anyone here, to simply hide in my room and feel sorry for myself for having a badly focused mirror. I am investing in the future that only God knows.
I have to let go of the fact that I did indeed have a ministry six years ago called Redemption’s Heart – it was growing and active. It had a focus and some direction and I threw it all away over hurt feelings, and anger. My being here, to learn how to improve is my active repentance. Carrying false shame over that – is not. God has not only forgiven me for that, He has opened new doors, new possibilities and new avenues for me to learn that I never had before.
I’ve made some really cool friends this weekend. I’ve learned amazing things from excellent professionals that I could not have learned, would not have learned otherwise. This summit has been 100% top quality professional work all the way. There were speakers and professionals that told me things I could not have known otherwise. Talk about your inside track, my gosh.
And to get the most out of it, I cannot just sit back and expect to be fed or taught or whatever. I cannot just sit there and think I don’t belong here and isolate myself. If I had continued to flow with my feelings when I first got here, I would have fulfilled that false belief. I would have been miserable. Instead, I have to act first and let the feelings follow. I have to step out, talk to people, listen to them, find out what they are doing that works, what they are doing that doesn’t work, and trust God with the rest of it. That means to keep talking until the stuttering and fear stops. If I stare at the floor the first time I talk to someone because of fear, so be it. Just be sure to speak to them a second time and not stare at the floor.
To get the most of out this and anything else, we all have to actively choose to be a willing, breathing, moving, and interested person in living life. And truly truly believing that God is a God of second chances, He will not bail on me if I do not get it right the first time and he won’t bail on you either.
That is a promise you can sleep on.
Well dear readers, I made it to Nashville. My journey has not been without it’s neurotic fits (my closet) and losses (my bifocals) yet so far, it has been joy all the way around.
My closet did indeed finally birth not three, but four acceptable outfits for me to wear. I neglected to check the weather (ice sleeting here) and so I’m cold, but hey, I’m dressed. Besides, I wasn’t packing for weather, I was packing for comfort, and guessed mood. That is not easy to do. I guessed right and I’m happy; even if I was shaking out of my boots before the summit started from nerves at least I looked cute doing it. Yes, I really can be that vane – sorry.
I spent this morning at Lens Crafters replacing my lost glasses, and the people in the hotel – and the highways of Nashville are singing songs of praise today. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the case last night when I drove from the airport to the hotel (20 miles away) with my prescription sunglasses at night. Nope, I’m pretty sure that last night, there were more people cursing me than blessing me. And I’m not walking around squinting at people anymore.
I only had one, slightly alarming incident once I arrived. I was heading downstairs to look around when two older business men got into my elevator. One man seems normal enough and behind him stumbles in this fellow in a comb over, with a scotch on the rocks in his hands. Drunk guy takes one look at me, staggers backwards, grabs his chest and slurs “My God! you look amashzing!”
I squinted at him and notice his buddy is leaning against the wall, staring at his shoes. Thanks for helping me out pal.
My new fan, finds the back wall and leans on it while the elevator decends the remaining six floors. Hours pass (or so it feels) and my fan is now leaning forward staring intensly at my red and black duster. For a moment, I’m afraid he’s going to vomit only he doesn’t. Instead, he reaches out and rubs my arm and jacket sleeve with out any warning whatsoever. Shocked I pull away to look at him, but he just keeps reaching, and asks who made it.
The doors open and I bolted out of the elevator and into the lobby. My friends never made it, I think he passed out.
My answer to his inquest, comes to me at 3 in the morning, while I’m sound asleep and wakes me up.
“Who made my jacket? My tailors – Smith and Wesson. The same people who make my pepper spray!”
Proud of myself for my brilliant middle of the night rebuttal, I go back to sleep. By morning, I’m refreshed, full of coffee, and I think this is funny – so I tell my husband all about it when I call him to say goodmorning.
He didn’t think it was funny. Granted it could have something to do with how I worded it. “I got felt up in the elevator by some drunk guy in a comb over. Kinda creeped me out, but I”m okay now.”
That probably wasn’t the best way to put that when talking on the phone to my husband while he’s driving to work.
Know what I mean?
Deana O'Hara - Speaker, Comedian, Writer 