Category: Redemption’s Heart – pieces of my story

Cooking with men

Deana1 Comment

“I really like hanging out with the O’Hara’s. They laugh all the time.” — my youngest son’s girlfriend.

Being snowed in for Christmas break was fun. I had all three of my guys home with me and we all pitched in to make Christmas, well, Christmas this year.  They helped bake cookies, cook meals and hang Christmas lights. They even hung an upside dummy off our porch to make it look like someone fell off the roof while hanging lights.  Sadly the ice storm did him in before I could photograph their feat.

I would have taken a picture before the storm but I was too busy screaming and catching my breath every time I walked outside because I kept forgetting it was there. Life with boys is always an adventure.

On one of our snowed in days I decided to make gingerbread men. I baked the men and they all decorated them. Honestly, I’m surprised that there are no serious mutations, or zombies in this batch. The worst one is the wet diaper dude. And that one was created by my husband. I won’t be taking thes to a church social or anything. It was a just for us kind of deal.

Of course my oldest son, who is home from college, decided to dedicate one of our gingerbread men to Comic Tim Hawkins.

Seems the “fire ants” (red sugar crystals) have eaten this poor guy’s leg down to the bone already. You have to see the Fire Ant song on his newest DVD to totally get this. I think it’s hilarious.

That’s what happens when you are the only female in a house full of men. You laugh at really crazy things, like potty jokes, “that’s what she said” stuff, and you laugh at mutilated gingerbread men. It just happens.

Knowing that other people see us as a family that loves to laugh is a nice thing. We are real people, we don’t laugh all of the time. But we laugh a lot and I like that.

How often do you laugh at home? Every day? Every week? Rarely?  Why not make a promise to yourself and to your family to find something silly to laugh about just for today and see what kind of difference it makes.

Finding My Story for 2010

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I was going to post a blog today about my new resolutions, until I read Donald Miller’s Post on Living a Good Story. (You have got to read it, seriously. Awesome piece) No one is asking me to endorse it, I just happened to catch the link on Twitter today and thought WOW, this is so it! And that post is why I am changing how I look at both 2009 and 2010.

“When you do tell your story, don’t sound like the victim. If you do, you’ll sound like you’re whining. Just be truthful in telling your story and aim to discover that slice of humanity that others can relate to.”  David Pierce, to me last summer, author of “Don’t Let Me Go.”

Stories can capture the soul or bore you stupid, kind of like my blog some days.   I’m going through midlife puberty and my voice is changing. Some days I nail it, mostly I squeak. My “mom” days are coming to a close. It’s a scary season for me. I’m still needed, but not in the same way.

I do find it interesting , that my top two blog entries in 2009 were on Letting Go and Understanding our Identity in Christ, By: Cj Rapp. Both received hundreds of hits a piece and they were the most commonly searched topics.

I did not begin 2009 with a story in mind and yet looking back, those two pieces nail it. Letting Go of what holds me back and finding my identity in Christ is the story of 2009 at least for me.  Christ loves me, not because of what I do or don’t do, but because I breath in and out.  I can’t do a single thing to make Him love me less, or love me more than he does right now. WOW. 

That was God’s gift to me last year.  That knowing that I wanted so desperately in January. Remember my verse for the year? – Ephesians 3:17-19. “I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

I “get” it today.

 My goals for 2009 were pretty vague – memorize 24 scripture verses, survive graduation and my son leaving for college, lose 60 lbs (didn’t happen) — I was also going to quit smoking, but I copped a resentment last summer and well, that didn’t happen either. — And yes, I am self destructive when I’m feeling resentful. Even so, stopping smoking is a requirement for the story I want to live in 2010.

 

I’m back at square one today. I’m throwing away my resoltions and I’m looking for the story of 2010. What story do I want to live? I’m not sure yet. That will take some thought.

I’m going to take the advice from a teacher again- my story for 2010won’t involve being a victim, no whining might take some work, and it will be truthful. Truthful to God, to my family, and to myself.

How about you? What story do you want to live in 2010? I’d love to hear from you.

EDITED TO ADD:  _– a neurotic note to say  How quickly I forget,  — Donald Miller wrote Blue Like Jazz, one of my favorite books of all time – no wonder his piece on stories not resolutions spoke to me so well. 

Read this guy.. I’m glad I found him again.. I feel a bookstore afternoon coming up.

Oh Dear Heavens, I’m Naked! 2009 In Review

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There is a near naked woman on my Christmas Cards and it’s me! I’m not totally naked, it’s just that my favorite blouse (the one I’m wearing in our Christmas Card photo) is see through and nobody told me. I want to shoot my family and my overly polite friends who simply thought — “She has to know.” NO I did not know! And I ordered over 50 cards with that photo thank you very much. They’ll tell me I have lipstick on my teeth – but a see through blouse goes unmentioned.

Nice.

I know I said I wanted to be more transparent in 2009 but that is not what I meant. Hence, no cards were mailed this year. 2009 is the year my life turned inside out and upside down. Shaking out the cobwebs, dust and loose change I am not just on the precipice of change but smack center of it all. What an exhilarating ride. My oldest left for college. My youngest is learning how to drive. My husband’s band released their first musical CD and I made a rather drastic career change. I also made new friends, new enemies, and a fool of myself more than once. Good news is, I didn’t die.

Having spent the past 20 years as Jeff’s wife, and Charlie and Dillon’s Mom I began 2009 with very little clue about who Deana really is. I decided that I wanted to know her better and follow God’s path more than my own or anyone else‘s for that matter. Instead of my annual Christmas letter, I thought I’d answer Michael Hyatt’s Seven Questions for Last Year. If you’d like to do that same — see his original post for more information.

　

If the last year were a movie of your life, what would the genre be? Drama, romance, adventure, comedy, tragedy, or a combination?

  • Comedy and Adventure —

What were the two or three major themes that kept recurring? These can be single words or phrases. For me, they were:

  • Giving my family wings
  • Learning to use my own wings
  • Learning to get along with less and enjoying it more

What did you accomplish this past year that you are the most proud of? These can be in any area of your life—spiritual, relational, vocational physical, etc. Be as specific as possible.

  • Going to the Professional Communicator’s Summit as well as DCW with my husband
  • Coming out of the fear closet if you will and admitting I want to do stand up comedy and trying not to worry what people think about that.
  • Performing live comedy in front of some of my greatest heroes at CCA. I was terrified, but did not die.
  • Opening for Dan McGowan
  • Resigning from the Ablaze Church Mission Board – — It was time to move on. Ablaze is now established as a satellite location of our home congregation Our Savior Lutheran Church. I’m very proud of what we accomplished. By next year they will be looking at opening a pre-school and calling a full time pastor. Knowing I played a part in God’s overall plan for that congregation thrills me and humbles me all at once. It was an awesome three years.

　What do you feel you should have been acknowledged for but weren’t?

Leaving this one blank here — but it’s a good question to ask and think about.

What disappointments or regrets did you experience this past year? As leaders, we naturally have high expectations of ourselves and others. Where did you let yourself down? Where did you let others down?

  • Booking a retreat for my husband and I without checking out the leader’s qualifications: Turns out he only works with A-List performers and I feel like we probably wasted his time and as a result, ours. I was wanting to do something “really great” for my husband and overshot the runway in the process.
  • Losing focus on my exercise regimen and having to keep re-starting it
  • Picking a fight with someone I admire on his own blog (not the first time I’ve done that, but I kinda called him an overstuffed pig who plays with puppets and can’t keep a day job.. NOT NICE and not me )– when in reality he isn’t who I was mad at. I made an idiot out of myself.
  • Not being as present in the moment with my family as they want and need.
  • Not being as excited about Jeff’s new CD as Jeff was — All I saw was time spent away from home and forgot to cherish and celebrate his hard work and accomplishment with him like he deserved.

What was missing from last year as you look back? Again, look at each major area of your life. Don’t focus now on having to do anything about it. For now, just list each item. Here is my list:

  • More time doing what I feel called to do and less time worrying about what other think.
  • More time reading great literature and not just junk food
  • Time to really unplug and not think about work
  • More time with my husband

What were the major life-lessons you learned this past year? Boil this down to a few short, pithy statements.

  • A life without something to dream and pursue creates bitterness. It is better to pursue a dream and fall short than to hide your heart and fall asleep.
  • I can make a fool out of myself and actually live to tell about it.
  • It’s okay if I don’t like everyone I meet and it’s okay if everyone I meet does not like me.
  • Don’t over-think the outcome; just do the next right thing.

　

“This year is over. I declare it complete!”

My First Hate Letter

Deana8 Comments

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Someone, somewhere was going to tell me that because I’m a Christian and a Comic I shouldn’t tell jokes about X.

It doesn’t really matter what the X is because it is different for everyone. This person was offended because I was telling Tiger Woods jokes. I think because he’s an international celebrity, he is fair game. She thinks because I’m a Christian I should know better. She chose to be offended, and I chose to allow her to feel that way, and she has now unfriended me on facebook. I’m okay with that. Why?

1. I am a professional comic. I can call myself that because I do actually get paid to perform now. Paycheck = the right to call yourself professional in my opinion. If I want to keep getting a paycheck, I need to write and tell jokes. That’s how it works.

2. Yes, I am a Christian. And I do keep that in mind in my set. Meaning I don’t swear or tell dirty jokes. I keep my humor clean. I do not intentionally set out to offend people, but it is going to happen from time to time. I can’t control that.

3. Just because I’m a Christian who happens to be a comic does not make me a “Christian Comic.”  That’s just a marketing term that was coined a few years back. It doesn’t mean anything really.

4. We live in an overly sensitive politically correct society and it’s got to stop. Sooner or later, I will offend you. I spent the first 40 years of my life trying to please people, being crushed over anytime I offended someone in the slightest and have a hefty mental health bill to show for it — translation, my people pleasing drove me to a nervous breakdown five years ago. I don’t want to go back here.

So there you have it in a nutshell. As my friend Joie put it to me this afternoon, “I’m sorry if I haven’t offended you yet. Please give me some time and I’m sure I will.”

Peace Out Ya’ll

Home for Thanksgiving

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Dillon and Charlie

I tend to over do the holidays. I over cook, over decorate and over stress.  We live too far away from family to be able to celebrate with them and I feel guilty about that sometimes.  I work myself into a tizzy making sure they enjoy the day and don’t miss anything.

This year, all I wanted for Thanksgiving was my son home from school and someone else to cook the turkey.

I got my wish. Charlie was able to drive in for the day and Jeff bought a deep fryer and made the turkey.

 

 

Our Turkey -- Jeff did a great job.

I still cooked way too much food and that is okay. We had a wonderful day together.

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you do anything special?

Thoughtful Thursday November 19 2009

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“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Jeremiah 6:16

 

I’m reading a book on liturgy right now. Not sure what I’ll find. I like the “rest for your soul” concept. I’m at a cross roads in worship.

I find myself hungry and tired. If I’d remembered in time, I would have made this my memory verse this month. Maybe I’ll save it for next month. For now I like the direction it gives.

Ask (God) for the ancient paths

Ask (God) where the good way is.

And then dear one – WALK IN IT.

A recipe for peace.

A needed word for now.

What crossroads do you face today?

Having Fun in Broken Arrow with Mission Ablaze!

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I apologize for my lack of posting, I’ve actually been sick. Still am. However. I did want to jump online and give you some highlights from church for the last few weeks. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

This is our crew from the Murder Mystery Night at my house. Planning nights like this are actually, very easy. All I did was go to MurderMystery.com and order a mystery package. Very simple. I cooked the main dish and everyone brought a side dish or drink to share and we had a blast.

This isn’t the best photo, but is is me performing at an outdoor festival this fall called “Taking Jesus to the Streets.” in Manford OK. This was the first year they had a stand up comic. They have four different bands who play and I told jokes between set ups. Load of fun. And they asked me to come back next year. I always like that.

Looking for a cure for “Terminal Seriousness?” — try hiring a Christian Comic for your next outreach event. Pictured here are Michele VanDusen, Dan McGowan, and myself. The three of us performed almost two hours of clean, family friendly comedy for the folks at Our Savior Lutheran Church in Tulsa OK. This proved to be a wonderful outreach event. Tickets were only $5 a piece to cover expenses and we had 80 people show up. 1/3 of them had never been to our church before. Comedy nights are a great outreach.

We intentionally chose to host this event at Our Savior rather than Ablaze for a myriad of reasons, and you know, I think it turned out great. So well in fact that our board of evangelism wants to host more events like this.

Yeah God!

And that is us in a nutshell right now. Ablaze Church is still chugging along while we wait for the survey results. We worshipped over 50 people again last week and that is a good sign. Whether or not we keep Ablaze as a stand-alone mission start or a satellite has yet to be determined. In time, we’ll know. For now, we serve.

I was talking with a friend of mine recently and you know, we serve an amazing God. This blog has taken many turns while I find my voice, and my place in His kingdom. I’ve always been a servant, it is the where I serve that has changed and grown. I’ve traveled from humorist, to bible teacher, to missionary of sorts, to comedy. My love for God and his word has not changed. I still first and formost want to be a Bible Teacher, in His plan though and not my own.  He hasn’t closed that door, but I do know that there are things I still need to learn, work through, and overcome. Each direction is a place where he let’s me grow up into his next role. I just don’t know that that is yet.

I love to teach, and can relate to small groups without a problem. I struggle with larger crowds and the minute you put a microphone in my face, I become an introvert. Learning stand up, has taken that fear away. It’s amazing to me to see God’s hand in all of this. He opened those doors, I didn’t. It is God who allows favor, not man.  Will he keep me here? I don’t know. But I do know that He is smiling and that I make him laugh. And that is a good thing.

If you are new to my blog, I should warn you, I’m a little strange. Fear is a major stronghold in my life and so I made a decision several years ago to find that one thing that scares me most and to keep doing it until I’m not afraid anymore. This is that one thing right now.

Until next time. Trusting in him.

Deana

ps… I forgot to sign on and give my memory verse to Beth’s blog this week — so I don’t have a new verse. I’m keeping with last time’s verse… which is a good thing, because I haven’t memorized it yet. 😉

It all Started in Branson: How I became a stand up comic

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The roads I travel in life are rarely smooth. Maybe it’s because I live in Oklahoma and we don’t believe in repairing concrete, or maybe it’s the wonderlust redhead in me, either way I start down one path and I inevitably wind up on some motorcross race track doing loops, turns, tricks and stops, pausing from time to time to eat mud pies.

This is a mud pie kind of day. I’m editing what I used to think are funny stories into something more compatible with a stand up format. As I sit at my computer picking gravel out of my knees and my stories, I’m struck by the thought of “Who can I blame for this mess?”

Being a humor writer and loaning out stories and jokes is a smooth road. Stand up comedy? Not so much. I don’t know this road and yet here I am, forsaking one for the other. I’m taking my shot and running with the big dogs. Why? Only my psychiatrist can answer that. It just feels right. That’s all there is to it. I have this insatiable need to make people laugh and to do it well. “Hi, I’m Deana and I’m a stand up comic.” My 12 step group meets in clubs throughout the United States.

I didn’t start my comedy career doing stand up. I’m a humorist. I write and tell funny stories. Have for years. Then it happened. My oldest son gets straight A’s in 6th grade and he wants to see Yakov Smirnoff in Branson. Simple enough really. Branson is only three hours away so off we go. I should have just bought him a car. It would have been cheaper.

Yakov has this part in his show where members of the audience are allowed to tell him jokes. The person with the funniest story gets to go on stage and interview him. Neat little piece. At least it was before my son looked up at me and said “Mom! You’re funny, why don’t you tell him one of your stories?”

” How hard can it be.” I thought to myself.

I’m convinced those words will be on my tombstone. In short, I died a horrible, humiliating, miserable death-by-choking in front of Yakov, my son, and 1,400 people. All of it on film. Nice.

I can only blame myself for what happened next. I spent the next two years striving to save my pride and convince this dear sweet long on patience man that I am indeed funny. I went to no less than six of his shows hoping for another shot. We communicated via telephone, email, snail mail and in person. I even bought roughly ten of his paintings. Hey, it’s not stalking until you see the whites of the retraining order, okay? It turns out that I cannot get within a hundred yards of Yakov without turning into a walking labotomy. Go figure.

In short I made an idiot out of myself. I convinced him that I was something alright. I’m not so sure about the funny part though. Suffice to say, I have not set foot in Branson in about five years. Just driving through Missouri gives me hives.

Undeterrred by my egostically driven set back, I continue on as a humor writer and story teller. Joining writing groups and comedic message boards to better hone my craft, I learn that Christian comics have their own club of sorts. They have a message board, facebook, fan pages and conferences. Figuring that four years is enough time to hide from comics and that the stigma has to have worn off by now, I drive with a friend to their most recent conference in Nashville Tennessee.

I am at home with these funny people. No longer a slave to my comedic lust, I find other kindred spirits and I find peace. My friend talks me into participating in their Open Mic for newbies and I gladly participate.

In all fairness, I erroneously assumed that the men and women would be separated. Women would critique women and men would critique men kind of thing. I assumed incorrectly. Imagine my surprise to learn that my panel of advisors would consist of men named Bone, Nazareth and Thor. There was also Kenn and LeLand, the oddballs with normal names, but I digress. Bottom line, I’m a female humorist/story teller about to face an entire audience of comics and male critiquers with a story about the time my husband’s doctor guilted me into being present during his vasectomy.

I’m an intelligent woman. It did not take me long to assess three things.

1.) This story was probably not appropriate for this particular venue.
2.) I don’t have the energy to stalk these five men for two years to convince them I really am funny so I better think of something quick.
3.) I had consumed so much sweet tea that evening that the stability of my bladder is now questionable.

I took three of my funniest bits and tried to turn them into stand up material on the fly. Thankfully they laughed while I tried not to hyperventilate or pee.

As for my bladder issues, I just moved around a lot hoping it would stablize. If that failed, I’m over weight so I was just going to tell the guys that I’m pregnant and my water broke. They are men. They would have dropped me off at the nearest hospital and gone on their merry way and I would have hidden out in my hotel room until the conference was over and my room mate was ready to drive home.

And that, my friends is how I became a stand up comic.

Deana O’Hara is presently living with her husband of 19 years and two teenage boys in Broken Arrow, OK. She can be found perfecting her craft at any and every open mic night throughout Oklahoma as well as at a Target Store near you. While Deana no longer “loans” her jokes and stories for free, she will be performing this Friday night with Tulsa comedienne Michele VanDusen. Headlining the night will be funny man Dan McGowan from Denver. You can call the Our Savior “box” office at 836-3752 for ticket information.

Or order you tickets online via Eventbrite by clicking here: Just Pure Laughs with Dan McGowan

My Head in the Clouds

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Now that I have admitted that my head and my body are not in the same time zone, I thought I’d share with you where my head has been all week.

It’s been in New Mexico. Jeff and I went to the Dynamic Communicator’s Workshop held in Glorietta NM. We had a wonderful time and I will probably post more thoughts on that later. Suffice to say I learned a ton, I still have a lot to learn, and I’m not giving up. I left encouraged rather than defeated. — There was a ton of talent there and I had to remind myself that they too started somewhere. THIS is my somewhere.

This isn’t a fancy video by any stretch, but if you look closely enough, maybe you can smell the pine trees and aspen that I miss so much. Walking down those paths, took Jeff and I to a place I’d forgotten. New Mexico is far to barren and brown for my tastes. But the mountains? Oh, the mountains, call to us in a way that I still cannot put in writing.

Stay Calm and Pray

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“I’m tired of hearing how our mission start isn’t growing because of space. Space isn’t the problem, it’s the people running it. If we had people who knew what they were doing running our mission start this wouldn’t be an issue.”

I hate voter’s meetings. Don’t get me wrong, I think they are important. I just don’ t like participating in them. My least favorite part is the people who feel the need to verbally disapprove of everything they are not running themselves. They are the arm chair quarterbacks on ministry: quick to call the plays and criticize the outcome but slow to get out of their chair and get their hands dirty. 

It took everything I had to not jump up and shout “That’s a lie! Our church plant IS growing. We have more kids than we have room for. We’ve outgrown our space and need something more permanent, so how can you say something like that?”

Oh, I had all kinds of words in reaction to theirs, but I’m afraid very few of them are appropriate.

The fact that no one else believes them and most everyone supports our little mission start did not matter to me. All that mattered at that precise moment was this person’s words. And I got angry.

I am not a very loving person in the face of comments like the one posted above. I am one of the people they don’t approve of and I have to fight the impulse to not fight fire with fire. At times like that I have to remember to stay calm and pray. I’m a hot tempered redhead who feels the unrelenting need to defend myself at all times. I’m getting better and staying quiet, but my heart hasn’t matched God’s yet and I have to will myself to keep my mouth closed.

Which brings me to the second part of my new memory verse.

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

This isn’t my battle to fight, it’s God’s. By remembering that it’s His fight, we can be gentle with others. We can keep Jesus present in our mind, thoughts, heart, and prayers. We don’t have to be anxious. We do need to pray and HIS peace will be ours.

This particular couple speaks out against everyone in church, not just us. They’ve chased away more ministry leaders/volunteers than I can count. They hate change and they won’t leave. I’ve heard it said that the hurt leave, but the mad stay. That is very true.

It’s warfare, in more ways than one. They are Christian, and they are hurting. Remembering that helps me to not take them personally.

So.. we have two steps now in this dance I’m learning.

1. Praise God in all things.

2. Stay calm and PRAY.

What battles are you fighting today that would be better turned over to God? Can you praise him in it? Can you stay calm and pray? Can you feel His peace when you let go?